Quantum Mechanics

In reality, there is little reason for anyone writing for or reading this site to have any concept of quantum mechanics. Now that I mention it, there isn't really a need for anyone on the internet to understand quantum mechanics. If you have the time to go online, you are automatically unable to devote the time necessary to study and understand this subject. There are really only two reasons why anyone here is even interested in quantum mechanics, and those are as follows:

1. It involves really weird shit, with no reasonable explanation. Weird shit is to the internet what All-You-Can-Eat Brains night at Hometown Buffet is to obese zombies; they can't get enough of it, and the messier the better.

2. Quantum. Fucking. Computers. Every PC gamer in the world just got a warm fuzzy feeling from you just reading those words in your head. If you read it out loud, they're all in need of a new pair of shorts right about now.

He just came.

Those of you only interested in the above two subjects should probably skip the next section.

Ok, here goes:

Quantum mechanics is the study of the set of governing principles that describe the interaction of bodies at subatomic levels. This field was founded upon the discovery that waves - disturbances in space-time - are not continuous entities but in fact contain discrete "packets" of energy. This led to the formation of Quantum Physics, a specific branch of physics dealing with atomic and subatomic particles. Quantum physics allowed scientists to analyze atoms, primarily through theoretical and mathematical modeling, which had previously been complicated due to contradictions between subatomic structures and classical physics. Essentially, if atoms were governed by classical physics, they would collapse in on themselves and everything would be pretty well fucked.

Kinda like this, but with more science.

Quantum mechanics, based upon the theories of quantum physics, was formulated with the primary intent to establish a relationship between electromagnetic radiation and subatomic-

Wait, you aren't really paying attention anymore, are you?

I should wrap it up?

Ok...well...basically quantum mechanics was picked up by Albert Einstein, who used his powers of mustache and crazy hair to develop it further until it was formed into the Wave-Particle Duality, which is cool if you're into that sort of thing. Lots of other scientists were involved too, but really you wouldn't recognize any of them and who really cares, after Einstein?

Look at that smug bastard. Ladies love the mustache.

Quantum mechanics has resulted in the discovery and creation of a number of really strange things, some of them useful and others only really good for nerdy party tricks. Among these things are:

Superconductors

Superconductivity is what you get when you cool certain materials, like tin or aluminum, down to near-absolute zero (-459.67 degrees Farenheit, -273 degrees Celcius for you commie bastards and your metric system), which is the point at which all partical motion stops. Once you stop those molecules from jittering around like 2nd graders without their Ritalin, it turns out that electrical currents can flow like all hell through these materials. This is due to the fact that below a material's "critical temperature" (Caution: Science-y words ahead) the electrical resistance of the cooled material drops to zero, conceivably allowing for an infinite eletrical loop perpetuating indefinitely along a superconducting wire, which is basically to scientists what a neverending fountain of Guinness is to us lowly Cracked readers. For some reason that I don't quite understand, what you then get is this:

Holy shit!

I think we all just had the same thought while watching that. Fucking HOVERBOARDS!

Also, it's good for, like, electronics and shit.

Superfluids

Despite what you may think, Superfluids are not vials of Clark Kent's love juice. Superfluidity is a characteristic of helium-3 and helium-4 (basically the mutant cousins of regular, balloon-filling helium) that appears when it is cooled to within a few degrees of absolute zero. This phase of helium is notable for the fact that it has zero viscocity, which basically means that it can flow through anything, even the cracks between larger molecules. Essentially, this is the party liquid from hell, as it will actively leak through the bottom of a solid glass beaker, and can even travel up the sides to level itself with other superfluids around it.

Pictured: Shit we will never understand.

Really there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of practical uses for Superfluids, and I really think the ones listed on Wikipedia were just made up by scientists to make it seem useful. It can slow down light a lot, which is pretty sweet I guess. Here's a video, with bad subtitles:

For those of you who have never heard of Quantum Computers, they are to your "sweet gaming rig" what the IBM Roadrunner is to an abacus.

This is an abacus, you uneducated swine.

The basic idea of it is this: quantum computers are FAST. Like really fast. No, you don't get it, like really really SUPER fast. It has been said that "a quantum computer has already found what you're looking for when you start looking"*, leading to the belief that they are in fact operated by Miss Cleo. In fact they aren't, it has something to do with a quatum computer's ability to look at all of its data at once. To further reference my failing memory, finding something on a normal computer is like one person looking through 50 rooms for it; with a quantum computer, you essentially have 50 people, all just waiting in the each room for you to start looking, and bam! you've found it. Sweet.

The technical aspect of the whole operation is very, well, technical. The basic concept is that by using quantup storage bits (qubits) instead of standard binary bits, you can use quantum superposition in addition to the standard 1's and 0's of binary code. In science-y terms, three qubits could each represent a 1 or a 0, but because of quantum superposition, they can at the same time also represent any possible combination of the 1's and 0's.

Every one of those little boards is ten times smarter than you.

But really, the only thing you need to know is they're really fast. Just imagine running Crysis on a 70-inch plasma screen at 160000 X 100000 resolution at 500 frames per second, and you'll get the idea.

*based on my own memory of an article I read a long time ago. Good enough source for me.