Soccer
Soccer is the most popular sport in the world that is loved and adored by everyone except the United States. The players are a different story.
Just The Facts
- The USA is not a big fan of soccer, deeming it boring and uneventful.
- This is because soccer events focus on the sport, rather than all the other things that happen to be in the stadium at the time.
- To be fair, the USA does have much more interesting sports than soccer, like Baseball
The Rules
Yeah right, as if you are interested in learning the rules. Besides, you can pick it up in an afternoon, as long as you don't mind being arrested for scaring the kids.
Non in-game rules though, which are much more important for American tourists (which, let's face it is the only time you're gonna be bothered to go watch a game) are listed below:
- It's called football, not soccer. Would you like it if everyone else kept calling baseball, "rounders"? Didn't think so. Well they do anyway, but that's not the point.
- Don't get rival teams mixed up. There's a massive difference between Manchester United and Manchester City. Just like in the U.S., if there are two teams from the same city they hate each other. Rest assured, they will put aside their differences for the chance to hospitalize someone who makes that mistake.
- Not everyone loves David Beckham. Assuming that they do would be like asking a European, "Do you like Basketball?" and them answering, "Well, I liked Space Jam."
- Football hooliganism is passe. Seriously, it's not that big any more.
Great Soccer Players
OK, let's assume you want to pretend that you like soccer--probably because you're chatting up a hot Spanish chick--and since you can't keep going on about the Spanish Armada, you're looking for something else to talk about, and so is she. Using this quick guide, you can give her manly thrusts of football knowledge that allows you to penetrate deep into the love affair that people have with the game.
Diego Maradona
Eric Cantona
Pele
Cristiano Ronaldo
Ronaldinho Gaucho
Zinedine Zidane
Reasons to Love Soccer
Skill:
Violence:
More Violence:
Extra Violence:
Of course, nobody is saying that football hooliganism is cool, what really gets our goat is that while TV networks will report on instances of hooliganism, they never have the nuance to tell us who won. For those of us who like to watch football riots, the only way of judging is by measuring which side conceded the most arrests. The higher the arrest count, the more honorable the victory.
The whole world loves football except one country. It's like everyone playing Playstation while one fat kid plays with his bogeys cuz it's more fun. Also it's day/month/year not month/day/year
Replycant anyone other than an american write about football?
Replyseriously........
I would just like to point out that Soccer is simply an abbreviation of Association Football, meaning it is still technically called football when referred to as "soccer", meaning all counterclaims are invalid. Thank you.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesSo calling someone Richard or Dick is completely the same?
yeah i mean calling a game wich goal is to kick a ball football makes all the sense in the world
I know it's crazy, we should it Handball or Kneeball or ShoulderBall, that would make so much more sense.
Why do people get so upset over the football/soccer thing? It's a spectator sport, stop taking the freaking name so seriously. You can call baseball "dillywinks" for all I care.
ReplyThey call the NFL "American Football" outside of America...should I get my panties in a bunch? Grow up insecure SOCCER fans!
Please, for fucks sake, it's called FOOTBALL. It has never, EVER been called soccer by anyone other than you americans. It's the best freakin game ever, so at least get the name right. Also, rounders and baseball are different games.
ReplyEver seen hockey?
spot on dude
As an American football, basketball, and baseball fan, i must say that soccer is not a particularly exciting sport.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesunless of course, america is winning. in which case its great.
However, no sport can really compare to lacrosse, the best game on earth
You Americans play football like ya're playin Am. football ><
You can NEVER beat England >=D
They've got Lampard XD
yeah um bud i hate to break it to you but america could give two shits whether we beat England in SOCCER or not
@lightvolcano: Exactly. Football is one of the only sports America is s**t in, so you don't care about it. I admit, America tends to be epic in most sports, but in international football, their team is absolutely shite.
Football is the most global sport. There are over 200 professional top leagues all over the world, in which, of course, is the MLS.
The US should embrace football more; as, in my opinion, Football is the best sport for fans. When I go to a match, all the fans are singing - something you don't see in America. When a team scores, everyone goes batshit insane. It's an immense atmosphere.
Really? Fuck! We suck compared to everyone else! We were counting on you guys giving a shit!
Football is like the japanese horror movies , slow pacing ,when a goal actually happens people go nuts unlike basketball
ReplySoccer+action+ice=hockey
of course "soccer" is boring because everyone on the planet likes it escept for the mighty america
Replythey say that is because football is more simple.frankly. i am brazilian and never understood how baseball works.basketball is a bit more complicated than football, and, to make things more complicted for football (the original one), is basically a women's sport in USA.
No, soccer is boring for the same reason that American football, baseball, and watching track meets are boring. All the sports I just mentioned are fun to play, but not to watch. The best sport is wrestling though.
It's called football, not soccer. Would you like it if everyone else kept calling baseball, "rounders"? Didn't think so. Well they do anyway, but that's not the point.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesExcept.. the english invented Rounders/baseball. Look it up. The American Goverment tried to keep its origin a secret. Also, Look up NFL, which is Literally an ofshoot of Rugby (Except with armour).
And uncle Sam was invented by a communist*
*not intended To be a factual statement.
yeah, but baseball is our sport we took it from you and we made it american like the burger or pizza
Rugby isn't as aggresive as American Football though. In rugby all the players are roughly the same weight, around 180-200 muscular, while in Am Football there are variations in weight, 150(runners) to 300+(defenders) that run at each other at full speed without a s**t to give if its their face or chest that hits first. Football injuries can be fatal and gruesome from concussions to obliterated bones. And thats with the "armour".
I coach a kid's soccer team and it's a good sport to play but I'll admit not always fun to watch. Unless you know the players personally or have been following them for some time, and in Americans' cases we have no idea who the stars are. But that's okay, it's not causing any harm.
Replyhow do you coach a kid's FOOTBALL team and not liking it?
Wow what the hell is the matter with people. this article was fine but so many of these commenters are freaking ridiculous. They're goddamned sports its not that serious. and just because a lot of Americans prefer American football to soccer doesnt mean we're rednecked ignorant hicks, or that most don't acknowledge that soccer isn't more worldwide popular. And yes I called it goddamned soccer when we're in Europe, we should follow your customs but here what's the point in confusing things?
ReplyAnd Americans throwing hissy fits in the comment section, calm down people are allowed to like soccer or whatever more than American sports, especially considering they aren't american.
This sucked. Who the hell are you?
Replyto be honest, both NFL and football(yes, i used the correct term for "soccer") suck
ReplyThis was disgustingly pro-soccer
ReplyDon't know why the debate about football vs soccer still continues, when badminton is clearly superior to both.
ReplyFull contact golf beats all.
Tri-dimensional kung-fu chess is the king of the hill.
i agree with cjstirn that both have merits and both take skill
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesu cant argue with facts tho
there are more countries associated with fifa (the global governing body of international football) than the united nations.
the (soccer) world cup is the largest sporting event in the world it earns more money and is watched more than the olympics.
you can talk all you want about how shite it is because so few american sports are played proffesionally,competitively in countries othert than the usa.I dont even know if there is such thing as an international american football team from any country. soccer is played professionally on every continent.
even cricket is played professionally in more countries than any american sport and cricket is the dullest thing on earth.
british originated games played professionally on more than 3 continents;
1. soccer
2.cricket
3.rugby
4.golf
5.tennis
i realise this will just stir up another s**t storm cos this is an american website but i havent really expressed an opinion (well apart from that one about cricket),Ive only stated facts
Baseball is played around the world, as is basketball. There was a World League of American Football that included America, Germany, Spain, the UK, and Canada. Australia has a gridiron football league. Admittedly, none of our sports are to the international scale of your sports, but they exist.
baseball is a form of rounders which i think is also a british sport
ok ok i know i was exaggerating when i said none of them are played professionally around the world but as u say none on such a scale. i had never heard of any of the leagues or whatever joybus said but i figured they most likely existed. and rounders is a british sport
American footbal is not well regarded around the world (we have rugby), and basketball was invented by a Canadian. I can tell you though that baseball is played in Cuba, Venezuela and some other countries (i'm form Argentina)
Let's calm down people, both sports have their respective merits. Soccer (Football) is a very athletically intense sport, requiring skill and a lifetime of practice to play very well. Football, is also a sport requiring talent, abate a different skill set than Soccer, I challenge any Soccer player or fan to throw a 15 ounce piece of leather 50 or more yards into the hands of an awaiting receiver avoiding being tackled at the same time. Now the use of pads is an insult that Soccer fans throw around quite often, however originally American Football was Rugby that was played on Ivy league Campus's, through the years they changed the rules a little, and since Mother and Father were paying through the nose for a Harvard or Yale education they didn't want Junior getting his head smashed in, enter helmets, which have evolved into days full set of pads. Soccer also uses pads, they are called shin guards, since the sport is considerably less physical than Football it makes sense that they lack these protective measures. Can we please return some civility and decency to a world strife with violence, remember folks it's a game, that's all it is.
ReplyI should've known that there would be a hilarious shit-storm brewing in the comments. To all viewers: read on, it gets funnier.
ReplyHoly s**t nobody gives a flying f**k about soccer
Reply Hide All See All 9 Replieswell it is the most popular sport in the world, so i think people do give a flying f**k about Football
are you autistic? if you're saying that more people like baseball or football or basketball more than soccer then yes, you are autistic. its the most popular sport in the world dumbass
Except that almost all of those "people" come from the unwashed barbarians who don't live in America. So they don't really count as people...
just cause america sucks at football doesnt mean you have to undermind the sport. and @gocubsgo undermind the countries that kicked your obese ass.
the acid test for proper sport is "are the yanks good at it?" if the answer is yes then just leave them to their daft games and find a SPORT.
plus did you know that baseball, basketball and american football were all invented by british blokes? i think 2 of them were by the same bloke. i like to think he came up with ridiculous ideas just to see if anyone was foolish to enjoy them...
@effed_i_do
Basketball was invented by a Canadian you imbecilic monkey taint.
P.S. Soccer sucks
@effed_i_do: apparently the military isn't a sport, it's just shenanigans that requires no effort. Oh, wait, that IS how European militaries are!
Soccer has everything America should love: a game, beer, and violence.
I don't like soccer either but it is the #1 sport globally. Of course the people who don't give a f**k about soccer are mostly americans.
Even though I personally LOVE baseball, most Americans couldn't give a damn about it. Baseball just sells more tickets because there are more games and teams...
Reply