Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln was a famous American who failed at being a lawyer, businessman & theatre patron. He was, however, known for being a brilliant public speaker - most famous for a rousing performance in the San Dimas High School Auditorium.
Just The Facts
- The Lincoln car company was named after Abe Lincoln because the people that drive them go so slowly that it makes you want to follow them to a theatre and shoot them.
- He is the only person to ever become better looking after being shot in the head.
- Nipples the size of saucers.
Exactly As It Occured
This is exactly as things went down on the night of April 15, 1865. Some interesting things that this video does a nice job of setting straight:
- Abe Lincoln was alone in the Presidential Box that night
- Abe Lincoln was a dick
- John Wilkes Booth used a hammer in the assassination - which was considered the gentleman's way of doing the job
Cooom ooooon! put it uuuuup! Don't make me use black magic! I will if I have to but I really don't want to. Do yourself a favor. Put it up.
ReplyCooooome oooon! this one is just insulting. Abe was the f*****g man. Cracked, the black magick I would have to unleash to meet the ends I want to achieve is unstable and I don't know what could happen, but I can't allow this kind of blasphemy. Please don't escalate this to magickal war. Countless innocents would be harmed. Which is awesome. But no one will be left to see how I totally fixed the internet.
Are you really insulted?
f**k this mess! Nothing but lies. Abe was an allstar!
ReplySide Note: I was actually Abraham Lincoln for halloween in fourth grade. My costume was way better than that kids', and trust me, the women LOVED it.
dude,Abraham Lincoln wasn't a dick.
Reply