Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln was a famous American who failed at being a lawyer, businessman & theatre patron. He was, however, known for being a brilliant public speaker - most famous for a rousing performance in the San Dimas High School Auditorium.

No woman will ever love this kid.

Just The Facts

  1. The Lincoln car company was named after Abe Lincoln because the people that drive them go so slowly that it makes you want to follow them to a theatre and shoot them.
  2. He is the only person to ever become better looking after being shot in the head.
  3. Nipples the size of saucers.

Exactly As It Occured

This is exactly as things went down on the night of April 15, 1865. Some interesting things that this video does a nice job of setting straight:

  • Abe Lincoln was alone in the Presidential Box that night
  • Abe Lincoln was a dick
  • John Wilkes Booth used a hammer in the assassination - which was considered the gentleman's way of doing the job