Like comets, celebrities are made of gases, leaving trails of debris behind them. Their illusions propel them. Think Kardasions, cast of "The Hills," and Perez Hilton.
Just The Facts
- Perez Hilton's large frame was seen in pink Thomas the Train briefs, earning him the name Queer-Eyed Incredible Hulk
- During Criss Angel's illusionist show, Hilton tweeted to a half-million readers during the performance that he would rather be getting a root canal. Hearing about the Twitter, Angel turned him into the real Paris Hilton
- Criss Angel"s most difficult unfulfilled illusion has been getting critics to change their negative reviews of his show.
HILTON AND OTHER ILLUSIONS
Like comets, celebrities are made of gases, leaving trails of debris behind them. Their their own illusions propel them. Think Vanilla Ice, Billy Ray Cyrus, all Kardashians, George Hamilton, cast of the “The Hills,” Kevin Federline and Sarah Palin.
Add to that list Mario Armando Lavandeira,Jr. who re-created himself into gossip blogger Perez Hilton. He uses his popular blog to dish about people, gay issues, and Himself. His large frame was seen in pink Thomas the Train briefs, earning him the name Queer-Eyed Incredible Hulk. Cuban-American, Hilton blogged that Fidel Castro had died. Castro, lighting a hand-rolled cigar from Kuba Cigars of Tampa, blogged back, “bese me culo.”
Hilton then started a music career. He wrote lyrics to a song called "The Clap.” It is not a song about striking one’s palms together. The Pussy Cat Dolls announced he is going to be the sixth Doll.
Illusionist Criss Angel hosted Hilton at his show Believe (with sleight of hand, BeLIEve). Angelchanged his name from Christopher Sarantakos. Twenty minutes into the Luxor Hotel show, Hilton was not hypnotized by Angel’s magic. He Tweeted to a half-million readers during the performance that he would “rather be getting a root canal.” Hearing about the Twitter, Angel turned him into the real Paris Hilton.
For Angel’s illusions to work, his audience must suspend belief and keep a straight face. He appears to float between buildings, but doesn’t wash the windows. A Lamborghini disappears behind a fog of CO2. I can park that puppy in any lot in Las Vegas and it will disappear.
Angel walked on water at the Luxor pool—wearing water wings. Next Top Model contestants walked on water at a fashion show. They weren’t pretending to be magicians. It was Plexiglas. Angel’s most difficult unfulfilled illusion has been getting critics to change their negative reviews of his show.
Angel, a self-described mind freak, got a gig as presenter at the 2008 Country Music Awards. He was wearing chains, black shirt, and black floppy hat. Imagine Count Chocula in a roomful of cowboy hats. Country singer Josh Turner, whose name is Josh Turner, was also a presenter. Turner, a true entertainer, sings a ballad in which he asks
If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
I love you so, so would you go with me
His baritone rattles my hypogastric region, and the mandolin makes me wish I’d paid attention in Mandolin class. And, yes, Josh, I’ll go with you to the edge of the sea. Send GPS to my phone. Wait, Josh isn’t singing to me. When he says “you,” he doesn’t mean me. The words are an illusion.
Depressed, I search my iPod playlists for dance music and find “Don’t Cha” by the Pussy Cat Dolls. I’m still depressed because lead singer Nicole Scherzinger is leaving the Dolls. I listen anyway:
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
There it is. No artifice. No illusion. And I'd watch the five Pussy Cat Dolls walk on water with Scottish Susan Boyle as their new lead singer--before she re-creates herself into a gassy celebrity.