Superhero Disguises

As common in various jobs, a uniform is needed, distinguishing you from the rest. Rays beaming of your eyes –preferably, though innovation’s good (nipple rays)- and enormous asskickery isn’t enough, you need to show off your sewing techniques.

Prototype of Nipple Rays

Just The Facts

  1. The disguise describes the whole personality of the superhero, avoiding the awkward hero-victim conversation.
  2. Every superhero has a sewing machine hidden or an incredibly skilled mom.
  3. Costumes without masks are completely unnecessary.

What is it good for?

The colorful disguise goes hand in hand with the mutant superpower obtained by the geeky/lonely/annoying/weird but surprisingly buff man/woman through the most odd and ridiculous circumstances. For me, it has no sense the fact that a superhero seems more reliable when he/she has a cape at hand to make dramatic entrances. In the real world that just doesn't cut it; once, I saw a crazy bare ass naked lady pass by my side on the street running and screaming, she had a cape; it wasn't more than 30 seconds before the cops knocked her out. Although life would be a lot more exciting and definitely shorter if we all lived on the comic book universe, there's no doubt that the clothing etiquette would be ruled by capes, just as it happens in the trannie universe -also similar in the way beardy fellas cram into tight dresses-.

Rare photo while she's not helping children or beating crackwhores with dead cats.

However, even if regular no-mutant people admit it, the normal clothes just doesn't seem to click with the maniac personality of superheroes. When you see Superman, it's obvious the freak egomaniac he is; why the hell take the time to make such a laborious costume while your whole fucking face stands naked to the sight of all the psychopaths ready to kill your no-invulnerable family? On the other hand, it's scientifically proved that comic book civilians are mentally retarded and have problems distinguishing face features with different haircuts, which explains all the missing children at the exits of barbershops.

How anyone can't see they're the same person?...Ehh, somehow they do look quite different, how fucking hell does that happened? It's obvious they aren't the same actor, obviously... FUCK YOU BRANDON ROUTH!

Now, on the case of heroines' disguises is clear their more powerful ability: distraction of any species with their most raw representation of sexuality. Even though almost all heroines lack of any interesting thing, on their costumes resides the biggest geek contribution to life since the iPhone and iPhone farts apps. What would be of any convention without female disguises? The sadness of every geeky guy would just pour out of the sweaty overweight body under every latex face prosthetics if it wasn't for the companionship of the weird hot fetish girl disguised as She-Hulk.

Either way, I think I proved my point.

How to improve your disguise

Since the birth of the first superhero, countless hours have been destined to the creation of an image that combines to perfection overly but not threatening pumped up muscles, tight spandex clothes without the affeminate connotation and arousing components -the last two might have different effects according to the sexual preferences-. Not many superheroes reach the goal of a perfect disguise, some of them fail from the name they choose, the power they were given or the country they were born in.


Just the right amount of spandex and sexuality, lacking the mustache to complete the stereotype.

The pressure of designing the costume must be forgotten by any superhero, since nobody will laugh at a guy that's crazy enough to walk around town kicking indiscriminate ass. This might be helpful to all of you looking to do something else at nights besides watching Chuck (awesome series):

Colors

Cape?

Accessories

Type of Mask

What kind of superhero are you?

Pastry colors

Yes

Whips

Really elaborated, maybe accompanied with a cooky hat

I'm confused about my sexuality; I just like to feel special at nights.

Black and tones of gray

No

Any kind of weapon

Domino mask or no mask

I have a dark past, my afternoon beard shows that I only kick wussy ass at night. I live in a wooden shack or small apartment.

Primary colors

Yes

Classic weapons, nothing to fancy

No mask

I'm the all-American Hero, I tend to discriminate.

One regular color

No

Gloves with claws

Animal mask, with bear, bat, cat, dog, etc. ears

I had an enlightening experience with an animal; I can't have a girlfriend because of that.

There's one last thing every superhero wannabe should know: having a disguise won't get you beautiful girls craving to rip the shit out of your spandex trousers, however, there are seriously psychologically damaged girls who truly believe you can see through their clothes and will let you know by asking the color of their panties. Although these girls are fucking out of their minds, go for it! It's your duty as hero.