Ah, the fart. So simple, yet so complex. Today, we try to understand the subtle art of farting.

Just The Facts

  1. A fart is 59 percent nitrogen.
  2. Contrary to popular belief, women DO fart.
  3. There is a female version of farting called "queefing." Guess where it comes out?

Covering Up Your Farts

All through history, people have tried to cover up their farts, coughing, sneezing, blaming it on others, but none have ever been very effective, because no matter how hard you fake sneeze... People will still smell it. The most popular of them all is the cough. It's easy to fake a cough, you get to spread you germs around, it seemed to work, until people started abusing it. Soon you had people coughing every five seconds, until finally people ended up pointing fingers every time someone had a real cough.

You sly little fucker.

I hope you learned your lesson, people. Now we have to shamefully admit it every time we let one slide.

Lighting Your Farts

Ah, the timeless art of doing stupid things in the hopes that you will be remembered as "That guy who blew flames out his ass" or "The dude who lit himself on fire" or "That crazy child molester who was a pretty good singer until he got a sex xhange, a race change, and a sanity change." Oh, too soon?

Some how related to farts and fire
Somehow related to farts and fire

There really is no upside to lighting your farts on fire at a party. Your ass gets horribly burned;

Eveyone else gets the most horrible smell in their life. Think about it, imagine the smell of a fart, plus the smell of burning rubber, plus the smell of blood, sweat, and tears. *Shudders*

There is litterally no reason for anybody, ever, to think it would be a good idea to do this:

Women DO fart.

You're probably one of the many males who are hoping that this article will answer that nagging question: "Do girls fart?" Well, the answer is the same answer that I'd give you about weather or not Mentos are lethal; Yes.They do, and they are. I'll give you evidence of it:

You can get a picture of anything when you're friends with a stalker

Oh, and if you want evidence of the other thing:

And there you have it.