David Icke
Every few years a television personality, sportsperson, or political speaker will make an accusation so completely insane that it might just be true. Or not. These people have a leader, his name is David Icke. And he will save us all. Or not.
Just The Facts
- Believes that the world is run by shape shifting lizards who occupy human form. These include the British Royal Family, George W.Bush, and... Kris Kristofferson
- Declared himself to be Jesus on national television. Yes, really
- Started life as a goalkeeper for a famous soccer team (Coventry City, Oxford Utd, and Northampton Town) and later as a TV sports presenter (BBC Grandstand)
- He has written a shitload of scaremongering sensationalist books, each one crazier and more expensive than the last.
- Ran as an independant candidate in the 2008 Haltemprice and Howden by-election, he came 12th. Be afraid, be very afraid.
David wants to save the world.
Imagine if you can a well known sports presenter and political speaker going on national television and saying something along the lines of:
"I have been told by the godhead that our entire planet is controlled by shapesifting transdimensional reptilian despots. These include all of our governments, religious factions, celebrities, and yes even the Queen of England. But fear not people of earth, for I alone have the knowledge of who these evil despots are, and I shall save us all. Did I mention that I have a book on sale?
Thats what David Icke did. After being laughed off the stage he went into hiding. Bless him.
Reptiles, they're everywhere!!!
David Icke attributes the reptillian control to the usual "its the Illuminati, under the guise of the New World Order, working alongside the Global Elite, with input from Kris Kristofferson, THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!!" etc etc etc.
According to David the transdimensional reptiles have bred with humans to create a slave-like species of human/lizard hybrids who have taken the form of our world leaders in order to enslave us all. SHAZAM!
Coincidently, David Icke has written 17 books on this global conspiracy in the last 25 years, so it would seem that being the messiah can be a pretty well paid job.
If only Jesus has known this, he would have written his own damned book.
i love cracked but whenever they bash David Icke and Alex Jones they never really offer any kind of debunking in regard to their conspiracy theories, they just sort of go 'haha look how crazy this person is!' Alex Jones supports every claim he makes with a source and while this seldom conclusively proves what he is saying it gives him some credibility. I know Cracked are in the business of making people laugh and a 2000 page point-by-point deconstruction of the beliefs of people they believe to be insane in the first place is not likely to achieve that, i'm just saying it would be nice to see some debunking in the maner that Cracked debunked the loose change conspiracy theorists.
ReplyDo i need to be ashamed if my dad is reading "The truth will set you free"?
Replyi can't believe this hasn't had a comment yet. Well written :)
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