Skateboard Safety
In the absence of decent wars or the chance of starving to death, humanity found another way to thin the idiot teenager herd: skateboards.
Just The Facts
- 62 percent of skateboarders are underage boys (rising to 100 percent if you include mental age).
- Skateboarders are the only group in existence to view security guards as an actual threat.
- Skateboarding is now so "rebellious" that Tony Hawk was allowed a run through the White House. You couldn't be less anti-authority without reinstating slavery.
The Origin Of Skateboarding
Skateboarding, first known as "sidewalk surfing", split off from surfing when people decided it would be much more fun if you lost a layer of skin and a joint every time you screwed up. Or at least, it would be more fun if all the newbies did that instead of clogging up the beach. This means skateboarders were outwitted by surfer dudes, a feat thought medically impossible by anyone still breathing.
The sport enjoyed a brief period of being totally radical in the 80s. It may also have been tubular.
Useful Skateboarding
The ONLY over-20 skateboarder we wouldn't call an asshole (to his face, anyway).
The US Military did try to find a use for skateboarders with the Urban Warrior '99 project, stating that they were useful "for maneuvering inside buildings in order to detect tripwires and sniper fire." In other words, the Marines wanted to herd skateboarders into enemy territory to get blown up and shot, instead of useful people.
Well that was a terrible topic. The first two 'tricks' were kind of funny, but then it just fails on many levels, mistaking 'angry passive agressive bullshit' for 'comedy'
ReplyHe's just butthurt because he's old and can't go back to his highschool days to learn how to skate instead of sitting on his ass in his mother's basement because the D&D kid's refused to be seen with him. Let him have his delusional everyone-sucks-but-me rant. Honestly, I'm a little surprised this isn't a Gladstone piece...
ReplyOh, sorry. Screw you Luke. Ian's aright.
Replyyeah this article blows, as many others have stated. I am over 20 and I cruise to work every day on my board because it's nearly effortless to travel a 20 min walk and turn it into a 8-10 min cruise. I don't attempt many tricks because I don't need them but I am getting quite proficient in ollieing to higher surfaces.
ReplyYeah whats up with the comment that all skateboarders are teens? You should move to the city, there is a million people, including a guy in a suit I saw the other day : ) who skate to get around.
100% are mentally-teenage boys? I skateboard, and I'm a girl. :/
ReplyYou still count as a teenage boy.
It just so happens that I am Marty McFly.....At least, I wish I were.
Replywhatever. skateboarding is awesome,didn't know there was so much hate for it. atleast from the writer...
ReplyWhat's worse than skateboarding that qualifies as an "extreme" sport? Rollerblading (fruitbooting) I have a feeling that the author of this article has a pair in his closet right now, right along side the prom dress he never got to wear. Yes Im implying that all rollerbladers are cross dressers. To all the Fat ass Americans out there, Happy Thanksgiving
ReplyWow, didn't know that there's so much hate for skaters in USA. This is something new for me (I'm from some country in Balkan, nevermind, and skateborading here is not considered hip).
ReplyAnyway, article is pretty harsh but somewhat funny.
And to understand why skaters whine about it, well try imagining that someone writes an article about Americans being stupid and fat. Ofcourse there would be bunch of people going batshit crazy in comments, no matter how funny the thing is.
Actually, likely, such an artical would be met with cheers. Mostly fron teenagers in America. Claiming to be Canadian. Who have never been out of the country. Welcome to the internet!
f*****g love the TMNT reference.
Replyskating is awesome as shit. i dont know what your problem with it is. there is litterally nothing wrong with skating (which is awesome) and i think im gona pick that awesome sport up again. because its awesome. awesome.
Replymust. not. say...awesome.......DAMNIT!!
if anyone ever writes an article like this about snowboarding i will never visit this website again:( just blatant hating, not cool
ReplyNever, you say? I'm off to write a topic!
Jesus, if I saw you while skating down the street after reading this, I'd make it a point to "accidentally" launch my deck into your nuts. Pick on a sport that sucks, not one that requires insane amounts of coordination, balls, determination, and perseverance. I started skating at 21, and have never regretted it for a second. I'm also not a moron, drug addict, or mcdonald's employee; we skate because it's hard as hell to do and extremely rewarding, not to mention dangerous which just makes pulling it off that much sweeter. Go shoot some HGH and play baseball, douchebag.
Reply Hide All See All 5 Repliesskate or die. Or at least don't be a whiny b***h because you can't skate-skate or stfu about skating until you know what you're talking about.
Dear God, did I just wake up in the 90's or something? "Skate or Die" seriously?
Parkour's harder. If you fall at parkour, you could become paralyzed or die.
That's true, but traceurs rarely get injured since maintaining total control of your body is one of the central tenets of parkour. Only wannabe traceurs and other breeds of idiot attempt maneuvers they are not confident they can pull off.
Parkour > skateboarding
Free jumping is harder (basically base jump but without all the p***y security around it, non chutes)
Complete and total fail. What happened? Did mommy not get you that shiny new skateboard for christmas leaving you to watch all the cool kids on the playground while you had to ride on your best friend's bike?
Replywow i can say that your all real stereotypical in this aticle alot im not kidding you alot of skateboarders are over 20 and have so many fans and make alot of money like sean malto paul rodregiz mark appleyard correy duffel and i doubt that you met any of them them with the "mental maturity" joke but what year it is doesn't make skateboarding "cool" or not and skateboarding has nothing to do with being "rebellious" its that alot of the people who skateboarded were, but it doesn't make the sport rebellious
Replyyou're right! it doesn't matter what year it is! skateboarding has NEVER been cool!
Living in the city, there are naturally alot of skate-boarders. One thing I've noticed though, out of the thousands I've seen, none of them have been female.
ReplyThat's cause they're all in the kitchen.
Come on, you set me up for that.
I found a great dating site____ http://www.wealthyfish.com _____. The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs.. what's the most important is that you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one.
ReplyWhat's kind of relationship do you want? Hope you can find your perfect match.
Was it the gender confusion or the complete lack of balls that drove you to write this sorry excuse as to why you havent picked up skateboarding yourself. Your confusing retardation with freedom. Next time you take your break from porn write about something you know about instead of being a pretencious dick who cries like a baby at a paper cut.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesskaterfag on his period?
Why don't you take a break from being an idiodic a*****e and get an education, maybe do something useful with yourself?
wait a minute... what's wrong with porn?
Build a f****n bridge
I have to disagree.
ReplyEveryone that watched the last x-Games admin that skateboarding is cool. For instance, here: http://www.blitzcorner.com/Other/X-Games-2009-Skate-Street-Elims
fail.
Reply