Oi Oi! Bein' a cockney can mean a lot of fings, bat most of awl, it means you're fram Landahn an' you're 'ard as fuckin' nails, you ponce.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') != -1||navigator.use

Just The Facts

  1. Cockneys cam from Landahn
  2. They occupy only free jobs: Builders, Taxi Drivers and Stall Vendors
  3. For cockneys, swearing is a form of punctuation. A very fackin' frequent form of punctuation
  4. Contrary to popular belief, ya don't 'ave to live wivin the sahnd of da Bow Bells to be a cockney. You just 'ave to be a violent, and speak like your tongue's been stung

Fackin' Cockneys

People oo ain't from Landahn offen fink dat everyone oo lives there is a fackin' cockney. Well ya couldn't be more wrong me ol' china.

Forra start, 'ardly anyone oo lives in Landahn is even fackin' Bri'ish anymore, let alone a fackin' cockney Landahner. There's all sorts of frogs, spaniards, eyeties, chinks, yanks and yids all over the fackin' place - ya can't fackin' move for all the fackin' immigrants.

Dat being said, the more johnny foreigners, the more fackin' fish in the barrel for shootin'. If you're a taxi driver in this city, you've got it fackin' sorted mate. There's so much maney to be made from yanks oo ain't got a clue 'ow to get abaht in a city that don't look like a fackin' checker-board, you can take 'em on a wild goose chase til tha fackin' cahs come 'ome an' they still don't know how much money to fackin' give ya.

Fack Off!

Videos Abaht Cockneys

Bill Bailey - Stand-up comic explains the classical roots of cockney music.

The Mighty Boosh - Howard Moon encounters a bizarre hitch-hiker on the road

The Fast Show - A trailer for the next cockney crime caper

The Fast Show - Chris the Crafty Cockney is not a man to be trusted

The Streets - Tune from his first album "Weak Can Be Heroes"

Shitty Cockneys at the Movies

Chinmey Sweep Oi Am

You muppet!


Oi mate, you 'avin' a fackin' turkish?

depp graham

You two augh'a be fackin' ashamed of yaselves!


You's twos ain't much better, you pair of slaaaags