Oi Oi! Bein' a cockney can mean a lot of fings, bat most of awl, it means you're fram Landahn an' you're 'ard as fuckin' nails, you ponce.

Just The Facts

  1. Cockneys cam from Landahn
  2. They occupy only free jobs: Builders, Taxi Drivers and Stall Vendors
  3. For cockneys, swearing is a form of punctuation. A very fackin' frequent form of punctuation
  4. Contrary to popular belief, ya don't 'ave to live wivin the sahnd of da Bow Bells to be a cockney. You just 'ave to be a violent, and speak like your tongue's been stung

Fackin' Cockneys

People oo ain't from Landahn offen fink dat everyone oo lives there is a fackin' cockney. Well ya couldn't be more wrong me ol' china.

Forra start, 'ardly anyone oo lives in Landahn is even fackin' Bri'ish anymore, let alone a fackin' cockney Landahner. There's all sorts of frogs, spaniards, eyeties, chinks, yanks and yids all over the fackin' place - ya can't fackin' move for all the fackin' immigrants.

Dat being said, the more johnny foreigners, the more fackin' fish in the barrel for shootin'. If you're a taxi driver in this city, you've got it fackin' sorted mate. There's so much maney to be made from yanks oo ain't got a clue 'ow to get abaht in a city that don't look like a fackin' checker-board, you can take 'em on a wild goose chase til tha fackin' cahs come 'ome an' they still don't know how much money to fackin' give ya.

Fack Off!

Videos Abaht Cockneys

Bill Bailey - Stand-up comic explains the classical roots of cockney music.

The Mighty Boosh - Howard Moon encounters a bizarre hitch-hiker on the road

The Fast Show - A trailer for the next cockney crime caper

The Fast Show - Chris the Crafty Cockney is not a man to be trusted

The Streets - Tune from his first album "Weak Can Be Heroes"

Shitty Cockneys at the Movies

Chinmey Sweep Oi Am

You muppet!


Oi mate, you 'avin' a fackin' turkish?

depp graham

You two augh'a be fackin' ashamed of yaselves!


You's twos ain't much better, you pair of slaaaags