Nickleback

Nickelback is a Canadian band that falls under the genre of the worst alternative to anything. They formed in 1995, but no one paid attention to them until the millennium hit. A phenomenon most likely cause by the Y2K virus.

Happy New Year!

What's that Chad Kroeger?

Not to be confused with nickel front.

Just The Facts

  1. Did not get their name from something awesome and manly like the defensive position in American football.
  2. Redefined the word single by releasing damn near every song off their album All the Right Reasons as a single. Presumably because they couldn't figure out which one was the shittiest.
  3. They suck.

Just Who is Nickelback?

Most people remember a band by their lead singer: Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, etc. for every other letter of the alphabet.  In Nickelback's case it's for whoever looks the gayest.  Which, coincidentally, happens to be the lead singer.

 

This is how you remind me that I'm still a douche

 

There are other members of the band, but no one knows who they are.  They're like the band from the late night shows.  Chad Kroeger is the Paul Shaffer of Nickelback.

Nickelback Guide to Success

Here's a helpful chart (because everyone loves charts) that was found in Chad Kroeger's diary outlining their success plan.

As you can see it all revolves around the name being gay enough.

Different Views on Nickelback

Court sees them as drunk drivers

Portugal hates them

 

USA Today knows who they should be hating

Canada reveres them as gods.  They have won 12 Juno awards, which is like Canada's Grammy Award except no one gives two shits about them because they have won 0 Grammy Awards.  Their success baffles us all.

The Predicted Future of Nickelback

Continuing on their success of repeating the same song over and over again to fool all of their fans.  Eventually the mounties will drag them back to Canada and hide each member individually in a damp dark cave 200 feet below the earth.

Blood Chad Kroeger will have boobs in the future

 

Many years later, once they emerge, they will crawl on their hands (not their feet, just their hands) to an undisclosed location on the border of Canada and the United States.  My guess is Bigfoot's house.  There they will piece together lost recordings of "How You Remind Me" for their next album.  However, they will be  tragically awesomely destroyed by an army of T-800's.  Thus, Nickelback will forever be remembered as the worst band ever.