Nickleback
Nickelback is a Canadian band that falls under the genre of the worst alternative to anything. They formed in 1995, but no one paid attention to them until the millennium hit. A phenomenon most likely cause by the Y2K virus.
Just The Facts
- Did not get their name from something awesome and manly like the defensive position in American football.
- Redefined the word single by releasing damn near every song off their album All the Right Reasons as a single. Presumably because they couldn't figure out which one was the shittiest.
- They suck.
Just Who is Nickelback?
Most people remember a band by their lead singer: Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, etc. for every other letter of the alphabet. In Nickelback's case it's for whoever looks the gayest. Which, coincidentally, happens to be the lead singer.
There are other members of the band, but no one knows who they are. They're like the band from the late night shows. Chad Kroeger is the Paul Shaffer of Nickelback.
Nickelback Guide to Success
Here's a helpful chart (because everyone loves charts) that was found in Chad Kroeger's diary outlining their success plan.
As you can see it all revolves around the name being gay enough.
Different Views on Nickelback
Court sees them as drunk drivers
Portugal hates them
USA Today knows who they should be hating
Canada reveres them as gods. They have won 12 Juno awards, which is like Canada's Grammy Award except no one gives two shits about them because they have won 0 Grammy Awards. Their success baffles us all.
The Predicted Future of Nickelback
Continuing on their success of repeating the same song over and over again to fool all of their fans. Eventually the mounties will drag them back to Canada and hide each member individually in a damp dark cave 200 feet below the earth.
Chad Kroeger will have boobs in the future
Many years later, once they emerge, they will crawl on their hands (not their feet, just their hands) to an undisclosed location on the border of Canada and the United States. My guess is Bigfoot's house. There they will piece together lost recordings of "How You Remind Me" for their next album. However, they will be tragically awesomely destroyed by an army of T-800's. Thus, Nickelback will forever be remembered as the worst band ever.
Believe me. We here in Canada do not revere them as Gods. If anything they're our biggest shame...after Celine Dion and the whole David Milgaard incident.
ReplyYeah they suck this was hilarious XD
ReplyI haven't found one valid reason to hate Nickelback yet. I'm not a fan but honestly, there are bands that are much worse. They've been relatively successful.
ReplyEDIT: Nevermind, I found a reason. Quoted from Wikipedia:
"Its name originates from the nickel in change that band member Mike Kroeger gave customers at his job at Starbucks; he would frequently say, "Here's your nickel back.""
still the article is pretty damn funny
ReplyI know this might sound wrong, but I actually like Nickelback; I mean they are getting more original, and a lot their songs are actually pretty damn good. They have earned their fans, and I won't deny that they have been successful. Plus they're by no means the greatest, but there are others which are far worse; though some of their songs are lame, they by no means have a monopoly on crap.
ReplyAgreed.
Their new album is even better... they grew a pair. :]