Ghosts

Ghosts are at their scariest when they're either old women dressed in Victorian clothing and children, both types of people whose ass you could totally kick when they were still alive. So why are we scared of them again?

What is a Ghost?

Ghosts are dead people who are trapped in our world. Usually a ghost is the spirit of a person who died a horrible murderous death. Because of this, their spirits usually stay in the location of their murder and haunt that location. Although ghosts are made of energy, sometimes they are visible to humans. Most of the time, they are even more visible when added to photos with Photoshop or when special effects are used to recreate real ghosts in Youtube videos.

Most emos and goths turn into ghosts when they die just because they want it so bad. But then they just spend eternity trying not to be noticed, so it doesn't really matter.

The above Ghost Hunter made an amateur mistake. First of all, even experienced Ghost Hunters rarely find a good visible ghost while filming. In his excitement, this Ghost Hunter shut the door and let the ghost reposition itself while he turned around and was not filming.

Are Ghosts Dangerous?

Hell. Yes. Nothing is more dangerous than a ghost. Here is a run down of the most dangerous types of ghosts:

Little Kid Ghosts: Also known as "the perfect storm of horror," Little Kid Ghosts are the scariest. Imagine a 9 year old, only an immortal 9 year old that wants to always be with you and murder you and slam doors in your house and whisper mean things to you.

Indian Ghosts: Indian ghosts come from a horrible combination: Indians were treated horribly by the white man, had mystic shaman beliefs, and many died in massacres. Also, they were pretty badass in real life, so as ghosts, they are even more badass. The other important thing about Indian ghosts is that they didn't mark their graves or sacred spots, so, you could be living on an Indian burial ground right now and not even know it. This does not please them.

Pioneer Ghosts/Victorian Age Ghosts: No one really knows what happened during that time to make so many damn ghosts, but at least 90% of all ghosts are either former pioneers or from the Victorian age.

Ghosts on Stairs: For some unknown reason, ghosts tend to be captured on film going up and down stairs a lot. This is perplexing because: a) they have no legs, and b) they can teleport, so why would they waste their time walking up stairs. Even if you had all eternity, wouldn't it be better to just fly?

Japanese Ghosts:

If you are being haunted by someone who, in life, thought tentacle porn and Most Extreme Challenge was normal, you better push women and children out of the way and GTFO.

Are Ghosts Real?

Yes. Oh Hell yes, they are real.

We understand that when you are documenting the ghosts in your house to put a Youtube video up later, you can forget a few things. Here's a helpful hint: Even though it's scarier with the lights off at midnight and you will get more hits, don't forget to turn the lights on so that we can see everything.

New York Appellate Court Holds that Ghosts Are Real:

In the landmark case, Stambovsky v. Ackley, the Appellate court in New York held that "as a matter of law, [Mr. Stambovsky's house] was haunted" and ordered the real estate sales contract rescinded. See article below in "Articles" section.

Documented hauntings have been recorded all over the world. Some of the most haunted places in the world include: the White House, the Tower of London, the Whaley House in San Diego, the Waverly Hills Sanatorium, Eastern State Penitentiary, Alcatraz, and the Queen Mary.

Protection From Ghosts

The first rule is prevention. Don't put yourself in harm's way. Stay out of areas that ghosts like to haunt, like stairs and Indian burial grounds. Ouija boards are a good way to ask ghosts to mess you up.

Ghosts also like to come out at night because they know that humans are more afraid at night. Also, they tend to come out if you are filming using a poor quality camera or if you have Shakey Hands Syndrome: