"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed"
With the recent defeat of gun control legislation, it seemed like an appropiate time to write something which would probably get a lot of hits on this site. Keep in mind that as much as this site attempts to preserve a no bias point of view, many of the authors and comedy writers are traditionally left leaning as well as inclined to believe that gun control is a good thing. As a matter of fact, any time that gun control (usually presented as a good thing) is brought up on this site, there is generally a virulent debate over its merits. These types of articles almost always lead to more comments than actual views. On other sites, it is about the same thing. Every day, you can scroll through your feed on facebook or other social media and see your friends making bold proclamations on which side of the gun control debate that they support. Keep in mind, no one is actually asking them their opinion. They just put it out there for public consumption. Inevitably, a friend from the other side of the argument will call some one a (dirty hippie / racist Neanderthal ) and then we will all be off to the races like Frank Sinatra trying to have a 'marriage.'
"Can you believe it just wasn't worth it to me to have sex with her anymore?"
Of course, when a site such as this takes a position or posts somethng on gun control, its is almost automatically known as an "SEO Bomb." SEO means Search Engine Optimization. That means that you type in something like 'gun control' or 'Second Amendment and automatically you will get something like 'CRACKED topic on Second Amendment.' Your instant reaction is to see what those or that liberal bastard had to say today. All of the sudden, you are practically nail filing your typing fingers to put in the comments about how no one needs guns or how you are a red meat eating Christian who needs a fully loaded assault rifle just to walk out the front door. It does not matter that I am (at this point) talking about simply getting higher visibility to my topic pages by picking an obviously controversial topic so that people will click on it and post comments I will never honestly read. The point is to make an item in a Google or other search engine search that makes you stop and click on it. I do have opinions on the subject. I am also trying to advance a greater goal of trying to have 250,000 views on my topic pages. Currently I am hovering around 150,000. I figure that in a year or so, this particular article should generate at least 10,000 views easily. I have sixty of these written now so by the time that I reach a hundred, then there should be no problem with reaching my goal. Occassionally picking topics that I know people will blindily click on works better on the goal amassing hits than stuff I write just for fun like 'Frodophobia.' Although, I have to admit a certain real affection for 'Frodophobia.'
"OK, you useless greedy insulting attention whore, what do you actually think of the Second Amendment?"
For the record, I do not actually own a gun. I do not own a rifle or any other type weapon. However, I am not actually in support of anyone infringing upon those rights of ownership. People will argue whether or not an assault rifle or fully automatic weapon should be used in things like duck hunting.
I just don't personally remember the words 'hunting' or 'sportsman' ever appearing in the language of the second amendment. The goal was supposed to be a defense against the tyranny of the state. To that end, if a military has fully automatic weapons and the possibility of turning on its own populace, then that populace should at least have the option to defend themselves in kind. Won't happen?
This happened yesterday in the pursuance of the Boston Marathon Bombing suspect. It took precisely 72 hours for the streets of Boston to turn into a police state. Granted, this was a really bad guy who needed to be found. However, just remember that at any point and time (and for any reason) then this could be the scene in which you are looking out your window at. What if the purpose wasn't so noble? Where exactly would that leave you?
Kind of right there and Malcolm did not even have any zombies involved. Is it fear mongering? Absolutely. However, paranoia and fear happens on both sides. On one hand, proponents of gun control will tell you all about such places as Columbine and Sandy Hooks. 2nd Amendment enthusiasts will counter with stories about Ruby Ridge and Waco. The fact of the matter is that you have situations in this country where crazed gunmen as well as the government will actually use guns to prey on as well as attack their own people. That is the same argument that was made by the founding fathers who had just been through a Revolutionary War as well as following insurgencies in their own new country. Just remember that it was liberal icon Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson who signed off on the Second Amendment.
:"Bring me my musket you comely slave wench."
Remember for a moment that my goal in writing this is to have a hunded views on it in under 24 hours. I am not trying to sway you one way or the other or convince you of anything. I am simply trying to create a situation by which you will be randomly scanning through Google or CRACKED's own Search Engine and see the words CRACKED and 2nd Amendment together. I am aiming for you to have such an immeadiate visceral reaction to the whole thing that you will click on a link. Beyond that, the conversation will take a rather predictable turn. If the comments section gets to going, there will be instances as well as imploring and court cases sited. People will talk about their rights and then after a while degenerate into nonsensical name calling. Will anyone be convinced of anything other than the relative douchery of the people commenting against them or that they were in fact right all along ...no. But ultimately, I will have advanced my own personal goal in writing this simply by virtue of the fact that you clicked on it. Personally, I know people who you would probably consider to be gun toting maniacs. As a matter of fact, they would be more than proud to be the face of 'gun toting maniacal behavior.'
"I would vote for a lesbian with a purple mohawk as long as she was willing to guarantee my second amendment rights..."
This gentleman is my personal friend Dan Kemp. I first met Dan in college when I was a freshman. Dan taught me most everything that I know about guns, the 2nd Amendment, and conspiracy theories in general. Dan dedicated a solid decade of his life to the service of this country in the United States Army and was deployed in some of the worst places in this world you can possibly imagine. Dan is ready , willing, and able to eloquently discuss his love of the Second Amendment at the drop of the hat. I have known Dan for twenty years and he has not changed or wavered from his opinions at all. If Dan were wirting this article, then the article would be six times longer and much more involved then what I am putting out here. His specialties include not only guns and the second amendment but he is also ridiculously well versed in military history. I know that the moment Dan sees that I have written something on the second amendment, he will click on it as well as read the article. I am just using Daniel as an example here. He is willing to argue the points to anyone who will listen to him.
Of course, there are differing points of view. The most interesting one would be if you asked that kid if they really wanted to give up a Saturday to march in this. No doubt, their parents thought it would be 'important.' There is a movement in the United States in order to get rid of the Second Amendment altogether. Of course, some of it is a knee jerk reaction to tragedy. So far, it has all had a rather interesting side effect. Namely, the effect that the gun control debate has had on the actual sales of guns.
"I have done more for gun sales than in the history of recorded time."
Obama should really learned from himself. Gun Sales have been a steadily increasing stimualted part of the economy since the day that Obama was elected. Obama should actually make a speech a day criticizing as well as threatening to outright ban a differnt industry for some reason or another. Orchards would be picked clean if we could just get him to speak out against apples. This is the principle of 'unintended consequences.' Unintended Consequences is when you try and do something for a specific purpose and get a result which you may consider to be worse. For instance, do you know what the primary common link that most every chain smoker has in common?
"Take that thumb out of your mouth. That's disgusting. Besides, when you get older you can buy all the Lucky's you want."
Thumb sucking is a generally harmless activity. It just looks immature. So, parents who want presentable children will insist that they stop sucking their thumb. Eventually, children will stop the practice. You very rarely meet any adult compulsive thumb suckers. However, the children who have the habit actively broken by their parents tend to develop an oral fixation. This oral fixation leads to an eventual need to replace the 'thumb' in there mouth with a cigarette. So, while you are encouraging the child to be socially acceptable, you might also be sending them down the road of lung cancer. What does Obama want? He wants to eliminate gun ownership among citizens. By being vocal about this, people are leaving other successful industries in order to partake in the boom of gun sales.
In the end, there is probably not anything that I could tell you one way or another to change or shift your pre-conceived notions at all. I have pretty much accomplished all that I set out to do. The link was clicked on. If you feel inspired to leave a comment, just remember that I like to watch how many views these articles get and not a whole lot more. I want to keep the count 'pure' so I will generally not ruin it by clicking on the link myself even if it is just to read comments.