The John Cheese Incident

John Cheese posts an article detailing how to determine if a person is a douche. The barrage that ensues includes countless comments, death threats, and ultimately even a blog about how upset the douches are they can be identified now.

Just The Facts

  1. *cough cough* Erm, John Cheese posted an article teaching people how to identify douches on the internet.
  2. A bunch of douches got mad, (they don't like people to know they clean smelly vagina), and so a barrage of threats were sent at John Cheese. This barrage included knives, a black circle on a small piece of paper, and even a promise to play a Hannah Montana album on repeat while poor Cheese was strap
  3. And because, you know, having Cheese's address and real name posted on the internet along with a death threat or two was only mildly terrible, all accounts that seemed to be threatening the writer were banned, and/or had some comments removed.
  4. Cracked, as you know, costs so much to use. So these users, despite the fact that they can still actually read the articles that Cracked provides, have reciprocated by... blogging about it.

Cheese Louise!

The first in a series of points that I am going to make here includes the fact that Cracked is a free site. Free. Meaning five fingered discount. Meaning taking a newspaper at Starbucks and feeling slightly guilty completing the crosswords while taking a dump in their bathroom later. I mean, five dollar coffee should come with a free newspaper anyways, right?

So the fact that these readers are even remotely upset that their accounts have been banned seems childish.

Even if your account was banned, you could just sign up for another account. Are you worried about all your internet friends not recognizing your screen name? Your fame on this site shouldn't matter, I'm sure the clever points that come effortlessly out your mouth are dripping intelligence and subtle humor. Wow, fanboy81 didn't recognize me! Oh no! My life is over!

I should probably go make a meme now to make myself feel better...

Next point.

So, uh, John Cheese! YEAHH!!!111!!! Screw that guy!

People are upset that John Cheese has accused them of having sex with Children. If I accuse you of smelling funny are you going to get upset? Probably not. UNLESS YOU SMELL FUNNY. I'm starting to think all of you maybe are doing things with kids. That's wrong. Sick.

Anyways, nobody here EVER calls anyone else on Cracked bad names. Ever. Shame on John.