How To Be Slack Effectively

Keep reading to find out how to exude as little strain as possible on that precious grey matter of yours, whilst still remaining (moderately) successful.

Just The Facts

  1. Never EVER reveal all your skills and abilities.
  2. Know what other people struggle doing.
  3. Leave things to the last minute.
  4. Be on EXTREMELY good terms with all your co-workers and managers.
  5. Keep in close contact with the people who set work for you.
  6. Try to avoid taking your lunch break.
  7. Always appear busy.

Never EVER reveal all your skills and abilities.

If you are serious about becoming a successful slacker you need to leave the boastful side of your personality in the past. Too many wannabe slackers make the mistake of wanting to prove themselves to others. You cannot be slack and at the same time be bragging to people about how fantastic you are at this and that.


IF PEOPLE KNOW YOU ARE GOOD AT SOMETHING THEY WILL EXPECT YOU TO CONSTANTLY BE QUICK AND EFFICIENT.


If you are good at something that's great, try to find a job in this industry as it means the work will be easy for you. You want the type of job that is easy for you and not for others. In this type of job you can spend more time procrastinating and still get the work done in the time expected.

Know what other people struggle doing.

Have you ever listened to people complaining about how difficult something is and you sit there thinking "what an idiot, anybody with half a brain can do that"?
Remember the complaints these types of people make, they will be the excuses you will need in the future. For example, a lot of the time I hear people complaining about how difficult it is to format documents correctly, so when tasked to type something up I can always buy myself an extra half hour of procrastination simply by uttering the words, "I'll have it done soon, it's just this formatting is driving me nuts."

Leave things to the last minute.

Despite what teachers and managers will have you believe, the majority of the population does work better under pressure. Why slave away for hours when chances are that the document you produce in a frantic rush during the last half hour before the deadline, will be better than anything you could have produced had you spent all day on it.

Be on EXTREMELY good terms with all your co-workers and managers.

This may be the most important tip of all. If people like you the chance that they overlook your minor indiscretions will be higher.

Buy cupcakes, put them on a plate and bring them to work. Tell everybody you spent your weekend baking and thought you'd bring some in to share. If you buy coffee in the morning call your office and ask if anybody else would like a coffee. Pretend to be interested in your co-workers life, and all ways have a few personal (made up or real, it doesn't really matter) experiences to share.

All this leads to a phenomenon known as 'bonding', the more of this you do the more your co-workers will feel as if they are your friends and the more they will help you should you fall behind inyour work.

Keep in close contact with the people who set work for you.

Once you are given a task, it is important to make the person think you are working on it. To begin with, find at least three little problems with the task and then at different stages throughout the day go to the task giver and ask about one of the problems. By doing this it gives the person the illusion that you are working on the set task.Another way to use this technique is to wait for the person to come and ask about your progress. When this happens you can use the excuse "I'm almost finished, I was just waiting to speak to you about <insert problem here>…."

**NOTE: This is a technique that should be used in moderation, if you use it too much problems may arise as it could be suggested that you 'lack initiative '.

Try to avoid taking your lunch break.

Now I know what you're thinking, isn't this meant to be about being slack, so why should I skip my lunch break when it's the perfect opportunity to waste some work hours?! Unfortunately, this is entirely the wrong attitude to have.

WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Too often wannabe slackers make the mistake of making their time wasting much too obvious. Sure you can take an hour long lunch break when you're only meant to be gone for half an hour and try to blame it on the traffic, but this will inevitably lead you to the path of unemployment. To be a successful slacker you must waste time as discretely as possible. Skipping your lunch break will give the illusion that you are an extremely dedicated employee. People who may suspect that you are slacking will be thrown off your scent if you use the manoeuvre. Also on the point of making it appear that you work more hours than you do, it's always a good idea to arrive and leave at least fifteen minutes before and after you are supposed to. Don't kid yourself by thinking that you can't afford all this extra time spent at work, you know the second you get home you're just going to pick up where you left off and continue to expand your knowledge of world events through the latest memes.

Always appear busy.

A common mistake make by rookie slackers is that they spend too much time not making any noise. Continuously typing is the easiest way to prevent this. If you have been browsing online for the past hour people are going to begin to realise that you haven't made any significant noises or movements that can be attributed to working.

THEY WILL BEGIN TO SUSPECT THAT YOU ARE WASTING TIME ONLINE.

And you don't want this. If you are wasting time online, try to type a few random words on a blank email every five minutes or so. Also, make sure to click your mouse at regular intervals. Solitaire is a good game that allows for regular clicking. Another good strategy is to have some type of document next to your keyboard that you can pretend to refer to every now and again whilst shaking your head in frustration.