Harry Potter

Harry Potter is an orphaned boy wizard who would manage to grow into the ultimate high school jerk. Let's take the journey.

The only thing actually 'geeky' about Harry Potter is that he wears glasses.

Otherwise, there is Potter showing off his athletic prowess.

And there just happens to be that huge friggin' pile of cash.

Just The Facts

  1. Harry Potter was orphaned when an evil wizard named Voldemort exploded his parents shortly after his birth.
  2. If you had gone to Hogwarts with Potter, more than likely you would have hated the guy.
  3. Harry Potter was pretty much the ultimate high school jerk.

Trust Fund Baby

You remember the kids in high school that had scads of cash that they did squat to earn? Money was never a problem and they had no qualms about letting you know it. That would be Harry Potter. Once Potter hit the age of 11, all worries about money and schooling instantly vanished. Where the Weasleys had to scrimp, save, and hand down everything; money just was never really an issue for Potter. Of course, poluarity and fame were not really issues for Potter either. Once Harry's 'heroic' parents were killed, the wizarding world rushed to make Potter into a cause celebre giving him all of their scads of extra cash to be blown through on his education.

The Rich Jock

You know, nothing really says "Poor downtrodden misunderstood geek" like some rich kid making the premo athletic team in his first year at the school. We are not entirely sure what high school you went to, but the young star athletes with money where we went did not really have it all that bad. As a matter of fact, they managed to have it over ...well .. pretty much anyone. But wait, there is that whole sad backstory and the fact that he is wearing glasses. Yeah, that would totally identify Potter with the geek set.

Habitual Rulebreaker

Pretty much every school has a landmark. There is the old oak that was planted the day the school opened or some such. There is a sacred building. There is a roped off area. What did Potter do? He drove a car into it... at 12... and managed to stay in the same elite school. Go ahead. Go to a boarding school and drive a car and park it in the branches. Just see how quickly you manage to find yourself on the first train trip home or to juvenile detention. During his years at Hogwarts, Potter exploited his celebrity as well as his teacher's and Principal's pet status to break every rule that Hogwarts had bothered to write. No going out after dark? Don't go in the Forbidden Forest? Go in every room but that one? Don't go snooping around? Don't look for the mirror again? Don't practice magic outside the school walls? Yet, in the end, this is the kid who gets all high and mighty about whether or not he should come back for his last year? Keeping Potter in school was not only a trial... it led to actual criminal charges. He probably managed to stick gum under the table while going off to find that Troll he wasn't supposed to be looking for. He actually had a magical cloak of invisibility for sneaking around. He also had a map that would warn him if anyone was coming. The only thing straight laced about this kid was maybe the robe...maybe.

He'll Do Your Sister

Growing up, there is a best friend code about going after the younger sister of your best friend. It is based on the theory that you are trusting your friend into your house. You are the safe guardian of virtue and no friend of yours should be a wolf trolling for action. If they do, you have every right to kick their ass. This is embedded into most male friendship codes from about day one. Yeah, some where about after living under the stairs, Potter caught on to.. well none of that. Potter totally exploited the Weasley's faith and willingness to let him into their house to get with their daughter. Of course, Potter could not manage to respect a single other thing around him. Why on Earth would he manage to respect that?

Pity Party

This one would get old really quick. I mean 'Doesn't this guy have any normal days?' Potter is just about the ultimate drama queen. Between my parents died when I was born to the mistreatment from his foster family to all of the requisite drama of the evil wizard saga to there is a good chance that you will die if you hang out with me, this kid is nothing but drama. We can only imagine that every single waking and unwaking hour would be filled with listening to Potter go on and on about how he (as the center of the universe) has to go through all of this. You know, in all of the minutes when he is not obsesssing about being the 'chosen one' or trying to get with hot Asian chicks.