Fireworks

Fireworks. Quite possibly, evolution in action.

Five minutes later an ER doctor shouted
Five minutes later an ER doctor shouted "Payday!"

Just The Facts

  1. Fireworks are a combination of black powder, a cardboard casing and metallic elements to give different coloured effects
  2. Fireworks are an example of the equation "Pretty + Fire + Explosion = AWESOME!"
  3. Fireworks have the longest Wikipedia article most people could be bothered to read
  4. For the purposes of this topic: I count as "most people"

The saviour of our time?

There are a lot of people in this world that most people believe we could do without. Most people could survive quite happily without being forced to relate with the sort of guys who wait at a bar for 20 minutes to get to the front of the queue and then get confused. The sort of guys who attempt to fix plug sockets without switching the power off. The sort of guys for whom fireworks seem to say: "Look at me! Look at me! Get your eyes as close as possible!"

We can take some solace in the fact that in these troubled times; if a warning label is missing from a Roman Candle somewhere, the average intelligence of the species will increase as a result. Even more of a delight is the knowledge that some decide to tighten their belts and make their own in the backyard. How many other predators are capable of saying that they have convinced their prey to do all of the hard work for them? And that they leave the killing floor smelling pleasantly of gunpowder?

Most people would also highlight how the survivors of Mother Nature's cruel sense of humour are providing work for the health care professionals. It may be unpopular, but most people will tell you that Burns Units cost money and the Fire Department shouldn't have to carry the can on its own. In a rare moment of clemency most people will say that for once Airport Security are right on the money in not letting you take one of these onto a plane. Tightly enclosed, heavily populated, and above all "airborne", spaces are not the time to remember it's the 4th of July. Bowie knives are cultural items though so that one's just ridiculous.