Drive-In Movies

Drive-in movies are outside movie theaters that are a haven for smoking, drinking, sex, drugs and violence. Sounds good, doesn't it? That's why it's not surprising that the American institution of Drive-Ins are going the way of the DoDo.

The rite of passage for every horned up, drunk and rebellious teenager.

The Dark Knight Rises + Alcohol + Drive-In = THIS.

On a serious note, don't let this be you. Always get yourself a designated Dan.

Just The Facts

  1. If you were born before 1987, there's a 75% chance you've raised HELL at the drive in.
  2. They don't monitor JACK SHIT there. You can bring all the booze, drugs and contraband you want.
  3. More people have gotten laid at the drive-in than at the Playboy mansion.

It's HEDONISM with a movie playing!

Ah, the drive-in movie theater. The coming of age activity of loading every illegal thing you can think of into your '83 Cutlass Supreme and having a wild night. The drive-in has no ushers or other authority figures to lord over you, and since they're hurting so badly in the attendance department it's pretty much martial law.

There is no other place that you can get loaded up on oxycodone and whiskey, start a fist fight with a group of rockabilly kids, screw a girl in the back seat (Man those Oldsmobile seats are like MATRESSES, aren't they?) and light bottle rockets while Paris Hilton gets a pole jammed through her eye in "House of Wax" playing on the screen in the background.

In this day and age, every young kid wants to wear their skin tight pants they have to cut with scissors to take off and listen to the skrillex and stay above the influence and these little punks want their movies Imax'ed and 3D'ed and limited edition touch screen movies. If only you youngsters would take it back, way back to when people fucked themselves up, fucked each other and fucked each other up (sometimes they fucked each other up because they fucked each other by fucking one another, and that's how you get fucked up, IMHO.)

Have a drive in theater near your house? What about a bottle of Southern Comfort your pops forgot about in the cabinet? A girlfriend you accidentally fumbled your way to secoond base with? If so, you ought to go down to the old drive in theater, get completely twisted and do what us older folks have been doing for the past decade... Have fun and become an adult.