Creationism
Have you ever wondered where we all come from? Are you willing to believe anything anyone tells you without a second thought? Would you like a pet T-Rex to ride around on? Then welcome to the wonderful world of Creationism.
Just The Facts
- God created everything in the span of 6 days (he rested on the seventh) about 7.5-6 thousand years ago.
- Scientists are evil Devil worshippers who want nothing but to send you to Hell for all eternity.
- Evolution is easily refutable. Look at the first verse of the Bible "In the Beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth." What more do you need?
The Creation
God created everything ever over the span of 6 days. Not that he needed 6 days to do it. He could have snapped his fingers and created everything instantaneously. He probably just wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Not that it wouldn't have been perfect if he did it all at once. He just wanted to prove to us that he cared enough to spend time creating everything.
Day 1: God creates Heaven, Earth and light. It is interesting to note that at this point God had not yet created anything that actually gives off light. The Sun and stars aren't created until day 4. God also instituted day and night by separating light from darkness. Not sure how that was done without a Sun but God is perfect so we shouldn't question him and just assume it makes sense.
Day 2: God divides the water below with the water above. Water was created along with the Earth on the first day. Today it appears that God taught water to evaporate so that it could be part of the firmament, the area around the Earth.
Day 3: God commands the water to gather in specific places. This allows land to form. From the land God brings forth every type of plant. These plants are kept alive by God's will alone as there is not yet any sunlight to nourish them. More proof of God's awesome power.
Day 4: God makes the Sun, Moon and stars with which he finally able to use his light invention.
Day 5: God creates all of the animals in the sea and all of the birds in the sky. Then immediately tells them to start boning one another.
Day 6: God creates all of the land animals including Adam the first human man. God also commands all the animals to commence with sweet, sweet babymaking. Adam however is left without a mate and is forced to witness all of the crazy animal fucking going on around him. This possibly lead to the first incidence of beastiality.
After all that creating God decided to rest on the seventh day. Not that God needs rest. He is all-powerful after all. He probably rested to... well he needed to... he did it because... FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY!
Dinosaurs
Since it's a fact that God created all the animals including humans in 2 days, and since fossil evidence proves the existence of dinosaurs, using the transitive property (see what we did there we're using sciency math stuff to show we aren't making this all up) this must mean that dinosaurs and humans lived together relatively recently.
Isn't that awesome. Just think about it. Life about 6000 years ago was probably just like the Flintstones. Since we are such a superior race we probably had dinosaurs doing all kinds of stuff for us. Think about Roman gladiator games. The history books tell you that they fought tigers and lions but they probably also fought vicious dinosaurs. In fact there's proof to make us suspect that dinosaurs lived into the 15th century what with everyone talking about fearsome dragons. They were probably just dinosaurs.
Unfortunately dinosaurs are all but extinct in the modern world. Every once in a while you'll get someone spotting the Loch Ness Monster which is probably just a plesiosaur that managed to survive to today. Further proof that dinosaurs and the Earth could not have existed for billions of years.
Dangers of Evolution
The evil false religion of Evolution (Evolutionism) and it's satanic racist false prophet Charles Darwin are nothing more than vessels from the Devil to turn people away from God. Evolution leads to immorality which leads to hell and hell belongs to Satan. Bringing back our best friend the transitive property this means Evolutionism=Satanism.
The teaching of evolution leads to homosexuality. Since the basic principles of Evolutionism are completely against the facts about the Creation set forth in the first book of the Bible, Genesis, everyone who believes in evolution is morally corrupt. The Bible is the only source for guidance on moral matters and if you believe differently from the Bible on one matter you obviously disagree with everything in the Bible. It's a proven fact that moral corruption not genetics (another hook Evolutionists use to lure you in) leads to homosexuality. By teaching this religion in school we are turning several impressionable youngsters into gays. It most certainly has nothing to do with the fact that we treat altar boys like pincushions for our dicks... I mean... if that ever happened... which it didn't... just another Evolutionist plot to try and stain the purity of the church.
Evolution isn't science.
ReplyWait a minute, EVOLUTION is why I love neckin' wieners so much? I thought it was that year I spent in Rikers...
ReplySeriously though environment and upbringing has a much more profound effect on behaviour than genetics. Remember how much eugenics sucks? All behaviour is learned and can be unlearned; religion and belief in genetic predetermination basically allow people to shrug off personal responsibility.
Now I'm not saying there is no God, but even when I was 8 years old I couldn't help but notice that the bible is a crock of s**t so full of plot holes that M. Night could've penned it. It's even rife with plagiarism. BTW look up Manichaeism. Mani was a false prophet who lived in Sassanid Persia, and he basically created the whole life-hating "if it feels good it's a sin" aspect of religion we all know and love today. He taught St. Augustine of Hippo everything he knew about repressing your humanity. That's right, a pagan pseudo-Mazdaist Iranian created the driving force behind modern western (read: white) Christianity. Anything based on fear and guilt is fundamentally wrong. Transitive property: Creationism=Terrorism or Islam or Ahmadinejad or whatever!
It's hard believing in creationism. A lot of people who believe in evolution get high on thinking they're so much smarter than a certain group of people, and have to make sure they make you feel stupid. You guys have a lot of growing up to do. I'm sorry you feel the need to mock beliefs that are "dumb" and the people who believe in them.
ReplyIf the beliefs weren't so nonsensical they wouldn't be so mocked. That's just the way it is.
I lol'd.
ReplyCreationists are kinda like those people who pretend they don't have to pay a bill if they just don't open it. It doesn't change the fact that you owe that money, and even if you deny it for the rest of your life, you still owed that money, and were probably written off as a cheapass.
Evolution is totally that unopened bill. It seems like a fantastical subject to any 5 year old or a creationist or anyone who's mental circuits can't process the idea of change, but just a little bit of research on the subject is all it takes to clear up confusion. The facts would be pretty obvious to said 5 year old who had the idea explained, and even better, can /see/ and touch evidence in any museum. f**k faith. Faith is something you employ when you're auditioning for American Idol, you don't rely on it to explain the exceptional complex question of 'why are we here?'
God was created when humans thought they were the center of the universe, so obviously he thinks like a human, has motivations like a human, and maybe just a touch of vanity like a human too.
My biggest problem with creationism is that it is so anthropocentric. Humans are so important that God had to rush through the entire process of creation and didn't get to enjoy stuff as he made it just so he could spend the next 7000 or so years worrying about humanity? If creationists are right, that explains why the world is so messed up; it was a rushed job. If you're a creationist, be prepared to except that your God is incompetent. For the record, I do believe in God, but I believe that He took his time and allowed himself to enjoy the creative process like any artist should. The universe is a work of art greater than anything done by da Vinci, and Leonardo certainly didn't rush through his work.
ReplyMy biggest problem with creationism is that it is so anthropocentric. Humans are so important that God had to rush through the entire process of creation and didn't get to enjoy stuff as he made it just so he could spend the next 7000 or so years worrying about humanity? If creationists are right, that explains why the world is so messed up; it was a rushed job. If you're a creationist, be prepared to except that your God is incompetent. For the record, I do believe in God, but I believe that He took his time and allowed himself to enjoy the creative process like any artist should. The universe is a work of art greater than anything done by da Vinci, and Leonardo certainly didn't rush through his work.
ReplyMake that Young Earth Creationists. I realize that I identified myself as an Old Earth Creationist. There's really little actual argument between OE Creationism and science. OE basically just says that somebody was pulling the strings. Even staunch atheists like Richard Dawkins accept the possibility that somebody could have been controlling the development of life on Earth. The only real debate is about who was in charge: God or aliens.
The basic Christian belief is that God made the world perfect. If he is as powerful as they believe, there is no such thing as a "rush job". There are problems in the world because of sin. People chose to sin and can't help themselves, but God makes them clean again. You see, that's why they say the Garden of Eden was so perfect...There was no sin yet. Christians believe people are incompetent, not God.. So I hope that kind of helps explain what the Christians believe. And if I'm wrong, other people can feel free to correct me.
Not all creationists reject genetics. If you reject genetics, you've proven that you're a giant moron. It's like rejecting natural selection. Just because I don't believe that all life evolved from one source or that the universe is billions of years old doesn't mean I reject all science. You're just as bad as the creationists you were making fun of.
ReplyEvolution is stupid because of the conservation laws, not cuz of Genesis 1:1
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWould you kindly shut your noise hole? wikipedia "In physics, a conservation law states that a particular measurable property of an isolated physical system does not change as the system evolves." Evolvs, goddammit!
I'm talking about the conservation of angular momentum, and how this disproves the big bang theory.
Because of the conservation of angular momentum...Which part, exactly? Our planet is imparting movement tidally to the moon. That is slowing earth's rotation and pushing the moon farther out of orbit.
Just like the rest of the universe, everything is moving farther away from everything else.
You know, as if a giant wave of space eminanting from an extremely dense central point was pushing everything outward, causing it to colide, spin and interact, and slowly losing energy until everything, even the protons will turn off, albeit in 1.01x10^34 years, at least.
Disregarding your fallacious argument against the Big Bang theory, please recognize that evolution has nothing to do with the Big Bang, unless you're talking about the evolution of the universe into what we know it to be today. But I doubt that's what you were referring to.
you're only showing one view of creationism, there are several. check reasons.org for the least offensive. Let's not also forget practically every other religion is creationist. Too much emphasis on Young Earthers, that's like shooting fish in a barrel. do some more research and you'll have a much better article, but not bad as a YE refutation.
ReplyThe Japanese found a plesiosaurous corpse that still had flesh on it in 1972. Just so you know, Creationist scientists exist, one of them wrote the textbook I learned Biology from.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesCocaine must be one hell of a drug
Oh, dear... =P
I pity you
If you are talking about the Zuiyo-Maru carcass, it was most likely just a decayed Basking Shark Corpse. Not that it isn't possible to find things like the Ceolacanth lurking about, but still that doesn't prove anything about god.
Creation scientists are rarely trained in the relevant fields, such as evolutionary (hah!) biology. And like Mylund_the_mad pointed out, that "plesiosaur" was almost certainly a shark.
I doubt you learned much real biology from that "textbook."
That was proven to be a basking shark...
There are some things that are almost too brilliant.
ReplyThis article is wicked! I'll print it out and carry it with me all the time!!
Reply"After all that creating God decided to rest on the seventh day. Not that God needs rest. He is all-powerful after all. He probably rested to... well he needed to... he did it because... f**k YOU THAT'S WHY!" f*****g lulz
ReplyGod rested on the 7th day as a Symbolic Gesture.
The sad thing is this is pretty close to what my science teacher said... which just proves how fucked up things can get when you mix religion and education
ReplyAnd Evolution is different Because People try to pass it off as Science?
That was a joke right?
ReplyCreationism? Yes, i think it was.
f**k YEAH, I AM VIEWER NUMBER SIX SIX SIX
ReplyIt may be totally out of touch with any reality, but, Jesus riding a carnivorous dinosaur - awesome!
Reply