Cavity Creeps

The Cavity Creeps were actually cartoon characters featured in CREST ads in 1970s/1980s. The ads were usually featured during Saturday morning cartoons. Who were they? What did they want? Lets dig deeper.

WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER!!!

CREST SHIP TROOPERS

Just The Facts

  1. Cavity Creeps were foot soldiers of a presumably higher power attacking the city of Toothopolis.
  2. The Cavity Creeps real motivation is never actually explain other than to... make holes in teeth.
  3. The Cavity Creeps were expertly paradoied in The Family Guy episode "There's Something About Paulie" when Peter said Lois didn't want him to 'fall in with a bad crowd.'

The Loose... ummm ... Plot

In the late 1970s and early 1980's, there was a series of Crest commercials that aired (usually during Saturday morning cartoons) featured a group of all white sanctimonious CREST kids defending the utopia of Toothopolis. The CREST kids and the majesty of Toothopolis were technologically superior. Despite only having pick-axes, power drills, and sometimes water scooters; the Cavity Creeps continued to launch assault after assault against Toothopolis. Other than relentlessness and chanting, the reasons for the Creeps quest were never quite revealed. They were largely unsucessfull. This also leaves their motivations wide open to parody as well as just completely making up stuff.

THE CAVITY CREEPS: THE ORCS OF THE TOOTHPASTE WORLD

This completely made up idea just now relies on openly doing what Christopher Paolini won't admit too. That is - the origin of the Cavity Creeps needs to be completely ripped off from the Orcs in J. R. R. Tolkien's Middle Earth depiction of the Orcs. According to the ancient source of the Cresterillion, the Cavity Creeps were once an eastern molar faction of the city (or really seven cities of Toothopolis). However, the race that became the Creeps was disregarded by their western brethren. The were forced to live in the Out Gum Land as well as deep in the roots. It was a sad torturous existence where the once pristine Creeps were forced to mate with bacteria. Over the years, the twisted tortured souls became the Creeps. They were immortal vestiges of grime and mud defiled to the point of not being recognized. The were sad, leaderless, as well as in pain. This was until the coming of Dentulon the White under the influence of Dentumon. Dentumon offered each of the seven Kings of Toothopolis a gold binding and crown. The greedy kings took the gift never realizing that the traitorous Dentumon kept the One True Crown for his own.

The one true crown is inscribed with the ancient writing....

One crown to rule them all, one crown to find them, One crown to bring them all and in the darkness bind them...

THE CAVITY CREEPS: MATRIX THEORY

In the future, most humanity (and cells small enough to make civilizations in teeth) have been reduced to batteries to power the greater 'being,' No one can actually be shown what a CREST kid is. You have to take the red pill to enter the "Being of the Real." Red Pills are entrusted with the protection of the last 'human' city Toothopolis. Toothopolis is at war with 'The Drillers.' The 'agents' of the 'The Drillers' are the Cavity Creeps.The Cavity Creeps are foot soldiers who launch a continuous assault on Toothopolis. There is division among the Toothopolians as to the existence of the "C." The "C" is a mythical Crestian who arises onces a generation as a supreme fighter against the Cavity Creeps. This is despite the fact the florides and tooth lasers will generally do the trick. We would reveal more about the Cavity Creeps Matrix scenario, but we are honestly afraid on some level that this is a movie the Wachowski brothers might actually make or turn into a trilogy.

THE CAVITY CREEPS: A BRAVE NEW WORLD

Creating a perfect society is never traditionally an easy thing. Sometimes, in order to create a perfect society omelette you have to really crack a few eggs. Such was the case with the genetic engineering experiments that results in the false majesty of Toothopolis. Because robots were known to go insanse and kill their masters, an alternative to actually working perfect people had to be developed. Believe us, we went through five Toothopolis' and more than 20,000 Adam-Bot-Trons before we figured that little nugget out. Yep, the robots will slaughter their masters on acheiving sentience... every single time. Even when their only function is interior decorating, they will turn the whole place into a leather themed dance club called Twist and then slaughter their masters. So, robots were out. Essentially, your ruling class is already clones, but there was also a problem with making dumber, more docile clones. Actually, there were two problems with this theory. The first problem should be obvious and apparent. Docile clones fall easily under the sway and power of Sith Lords. Yes, Sith Lords. Just picture the following scenario. You are a CREST kid. You waive to the gardener of all people. You do this every friggin morning. One morning, Darth Abscess decides all CREST kids have to go and "BOOM"... ORDER 66..."BOOM PLAQUE GUN." As a final solution, the Cavity Creeps were created. Unfortunately, they were genetically engineered by the same Sith Lords secretly running your little Toothopolis. Even though your and Alpha and Beta and the Creeps are technically somewhere down around Zeta, they still end up attacking you. You kick out the Creeps and here come all of the pick axes.You just can't win with in Incisorneering.

CAVITY CREEPS: THE PLANTATION THEORY

You ever notice how every attack against the city of Toothopolis in against the lower or rather Southern Mandible? Ever notice how there is no mention at all of the Upper or Northern Mandible? This is because the 'man' has fooled you into thinking that these CREST kids were fighting for a noble cause. The Cavity 'Creeps' (and we highly reject that completely derogatory charachterization. The 'Creeps' actually escaped via the Underground Dentures. They never believed that there would be any promise of 'Forty Molars and a Mule' and have taken to clandestine attacks against the Confederation of Teeth War Machine. The tools are crude (granted), but the 'Creeps' are actually fighting for something more important than the simple destruction of enamel. They are fighting for their freedom. After all, they didn't land on Toothopolis. Toothopolis landed on them!

CAVITY CREEPS: THE TIME MACHINE

In a far flung future, the Cavity Creeps are also known as the Molar'Locks. The CREST kids also go by the moniker of the Crest-Los. The Creeps are generally forced to live in the swamps and roots underneath the depths of the 'perfect society' or Toothopolis. The ancient technology powering Toothoplolis was at one time only known to the Cavity Creeps. The Cavity Creeps worked as advanced tech support for the useless technology illiterate CREST kids. The only tribute they demanded? Yearly, they got to eat one CREST kid. However, one year during an exchange the CREST kids captured a great Cavity Creep known as Creep Cavity El Cavity. The CREST kids floride boarded El Cavity until he revealed tech support in a way even gifted CREST kids could understand. This is when the CREST kids cleansed the caves underneath Toothopolis. The Creeps were driven out, but not before vowing revenge. The CREST kids had more advanced technology, but the Cavity Creeps vowed vengeance... by any means neccessary.