Voltron

Let's face it people. It's only a matter of time before Hollywood finally sets its sites on the pinnacle of badass. So, before we see our childhood memories ass-fucked worse than a underage Cambodian hooker, lets take a look back shall we?

BADASS

BADASS

Wait...what?

Just The Facts

  1. There are 3 versions of Voltron: Lion Force Voltron (Voltron of the Far Universe), Vehicle Voltron (Voltron of the Suck Universe), and Gladiator Voltron (Voltron of the Middle Universe).
  2. Only the first two seasons of the Voltron anime aired in North America. Season one (Lion Force) was the most popular, and the only season that mattered.
  3. The live-action adaptation is being produced by Mark Gordon (Grey's Anatomy, League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen), and will be directed by Max Makowski. I also have no idea who the fuck Max Makowski is either.

Overview:

Season 1: Perhaps one of THE MOST badass thing mankind has ever created. This season featured a team of five young pilots commanding five color-coded robot lions, which could be combined to form the almighty ass kicking mech warrior Voltron. In this undefined future era, the Voltron Force was in charge of protecting the Planet Arus (not Anus) from the evil King Zarkon of Planet Doom (must have taken hours to come up with that name!), his son Lotor, and the space-bitch Haggar, who would create huge Robeasts (AKA cannon fodder) to utterly annoy and terrorize the people of Arus (not ANUS). Despite being the first of the two robots to appear on American television, the "GoLion" version of Voltron was regarded as "Voltron III" within the toy line because, within the original planned "three-Voltron" continuity, Arus was the furthest setting from Earth's side of the universe ("Voltron I" being intended for the Near Universe, and "Voltron II" for the Middle Universe).

Season 2: In this horrible season of Voltron, the Galaxy Alliance's home planets have become overcrowded, and a fleet of explorers has been sent to search for new planets to colonize (and overcrowd even more). Along the way, they attract the attention of the evil Drule Empire, perhaps the most ridiculously underwhelming evil intergalactic empire ever. Since the Voltron of Planet Arus (NOT ANUS) was too far away and too busy being badass to help the explorers, a totally new (and crappy) Voltron is constructed to handle the Drule "threat". The Voltron of this season is perhaps the most overly complicated machine...EVER. It was handled by a 15 person crew, split into 3 teams: Air Team (The Strato Fighter), Land Team (The Turbo Terrain Fighter), and the Sea Team (The Aqua Fighter). They all had seperate vehicles which combined to make bigger vehicles, which would combine and form Voltron. Keep in mind it only took five mechs to form Lion Force Voltron. Five. Apparently, in the future, building 15 vehicles is more economically sound than building 5.

Season 3: No one cares about Season 3.