Vistaprint

Vistaprint.com is a website that will give you free business cards if you give them your email address. This is great for small businesses trying to get started. It's also exploitable for purposes of awesomeness.

Just The Facts

  1. Business cards add authority and flair to any statement.
  2. People beleive anything they see on a business card.
  3. You should really get in on this before everybody's doing it and Vistaprint realizes they're getting screwed.

Employment

Once you have a business card declaring yourself to be something, most people are inclined to beleive it. After all, what kind of person would make up bullshit business cards?

This guy looks legit.

Ok, sure. This guy seems legit.

You can even use business cards to promote the careers of your friends and family.

Social Interaction

Once you've convinced everyone you know that you have an awesome job, you're going to be invited to a lot more parties. Once again, your shameless exploitation of Vistaprint's generous offer is going to help.

Business cards aren't just for business. They have a myriad of social uses.

Lots of guys give her compliments; how many do it on card stock?

And once you giver her that one, you might as well give her this one:

I haven't forgotten the Ladies either. Sometimes a quick exchange of business cards can help a girl find the right guy.

I also haven't forgotten the Robots. I mean...not robots.

And when you're planning a big event, the right business card can become a cool substitute for standard invitations.

Alternately, passing out business cards can be an effective way to ensure you're left alone.

Friendly Reminders

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something discreetly? Something necessary that can't be said out loud? Once again, Vistaprint has you covered. Just print up some notecards for life's most common awkward situations, and next time you can just slip them a business card. Situations where you might find this useful are:

Nightclubs

Students

or even just Leaving Politely

Conversation Starters

By handing out a well-designed business card, you can start conversations with new people. This is especially helpful if you want to talk about something other than sports or the weather.

Yes, that template was already used. Versatility is a wonderful thing.

When raising controversial or political topics, it's sometimes hard to get people involved. Business cards solve that, as they are far more difficult to ignore.

Because business cards are of thicker stock and can easily be put in a pocket, they are 57% less likely to be immediately thrown away. Our robot friend did that research.