Being Unemployed Sucks

Between the riots in London and rapidly approaching apocalypse its getting kinda difficult to see the silver lining.

Over the past year ive gotten uncomfortably familiar with the Drew Carey era of The Price is right.


I dont need no stinkin resume...

Just The Facts

  1. Shits tough as far as jobs are concerned right now.
  2. You just spent your last Twenty bucks at freebirds.
  3. Rents almost due ...

The wonderful world of daytime television.

Lets face it. Most of the world revolves around the world wide web. without it we would be no better than the stinking apes we evolved from oh so many millenia ago.

Pure fucking insanity.

So with the internet being oh so very useful, its no suprise that most applications for jobs are online. So after a couple of hours of filling out applications for your local taco vendor and bovine by-product distributor, you find yourself done with the days activities by like about noon. There in lies the problem, Youre pretty much stuck waiting on someone to call you back . The reality is that no matter how many times you call and ask about the status of your application, it all comes down to dumb luck. So you might as well sit your ass in front of your roomates television( you cant afford nice things... you jackass) and acquaint your self with the intricate socio-economic sideshow that is The Price Is Right. Yes, thats right. Between dancing for nickles at your local coffee shop and sobbing uncontrollably over your masters in phiosophy you will undoubtedly begin to find yourself rooting for your favorite housewife or improv troupe lackey while they play Plinko.Your life has come down to rooting for Plinko players...

Seriously man...Philosophy?!?


All The Fun You Arent Invited To.

Ok so youre in your second week of unemployment and things are starting to look a little bleak right now. You just heard that there no longer hiring at Taco Kings Palace of Burritos and Full Release Korean Massage and the position you applied for (jizz mopper/ Taco Maker) was just given to some other asshole.

This asshole to be exact.

Youre feeling kinda down, so you decide to call up whatever Tom, Dick or Harry you know to see if they want to go out and drink. They decide that they do, in fact, want to go out and drink with you and set a location where there will be fun times to be had by all. When your friends come by, you realize that you dont have cash to pay the cover so someone quite generously gives you five bucks so you can get your crunk on. After that display of how broke you actually are, the night degrades into you begging for beers and generally being an annoying mooch to all of your friends, whom you invited out in the first place, until you are drunk enough to sleep through the night terrors and shame urination. Congratulations! You have just uninvited yourself to every weekend outing and bar crawl of the summer because you are the guy who "is going through some stuff right now.". Best find a way to get your crunk on with mustard and old soy milk because thats exactly what youre going to be drinking until you get a job.

you suck.

Things Will Eventually Get Better.

So its your fourth straight week of unemployment and youre down to selling plasma and beer cans to make sure you keep your very generous and handsome room mate from kicking your ass out of the house faster than you can tell him how awesome he looks today.

I believe the term is...Kirktastic!

Dont get your hopes down buddy. The key to landing that job is all in persistance and positivity. You see, people tend to respond better to people who arent suck sad sacks and let the world get them down. If you tend to buckle when shit gets tight well then you need to learn to pick yourself up by the bootlaces and look life square in the eye while stroking your rock hard erection of positivity and say " NO, LIFE! I WILL NOT LET YOU TURN ME AROUND AND MAKE ME YOUR PRISON BITCH!" and proclaim in the general direction of Asguard "I SAY THEE ,NAY!" Its that kind of can do attitude that makes future employers and maybe even "yet to be sexually conquered women" want to call you back and make your life richer and fulfilling and your sleep area less of an "alley behind applebees" and more "bed in a room" type situation...