Chuck Norris facts are now a hit on the internet, and apparently they're supposed to be funny, so what better place to find them than a humor website?
Just The Facts
- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law & Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the head.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
- Contrary to popular belief, America isn't a democracy, it's a Chucktatorship.
- Chuck Norris grinds coffee with his teeth and boils water with is own rage.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris won American Idol by using only sign language.
- Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris strories.
- Chuck Norris created fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
- Chuck Norris smashed a mirror over a black cat's head while standing under a ladder, then won the lottery.
- If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.
- Chuck Norris died twenty years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
- Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Cracked on Chuck Norris
Well...sorry, but we kind of ran out of things to say about him in the "Just the Facts" section. Hey, I know, how about some real facts? Eh? Eh? You know, like how Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris served in the United States Air Force before beginning his rise to fame as a martial artist and has since founded his own school and...
No please, really! I was just...just...PLEASE!