Top Gun

Top Gun is an epic ode to those brave airforce man. And homosexuality.

Thinkin' 'bout guys.

The plot

Tom Cruise plays Maverick, a brave man of the airforce, who is sent to live among the even braver men of the airforce, the unit called Top Gun, for reasons never really elaborated upon, but it may be some sort of innuendo. There he falls in love with develops a rivalry with Ice Man, another one of the magnificent men in their flying machines.

Right from the moment he arrives at Top Gun, the tone is set for the rest of the movie with this little gem between two characters.

"This is giving me a hard-on"
"Don't tease me".

No doubt the writers had intended for little little dialogue to showcase a joke between two very close friends, but on screen... Well, they are definently close.

Alright, the plot is, in fact, not important. It is a "the journey is more important than the destination" kind of movie. There is a romantic subplot, between Maverick and a woman, but that isn't anywhere as interesting as the ostensibly platonic relationship between Maverick and Iceman. And the girl is named Charlie, so that doesn't really help.

It is the pinnacle of Eighties Action Homo-Eroticism. You have your Point Break type movies, which is two men who may or may not be in love. You got your Road House type movies, where Patrick Swayze or Swayze-like actors spends far to much time oiled up topless and training. You had hundreds of movies starring well-trained men showing their well-oiled pecks while shooting big gund. And then you had Top Gun, a movie so blatantly homo-erotic that it is surprising that Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer doesn't end the movie by doing a 69.

We have yet to locate the first Eighties Homo-Erotic Actionmovie, but we suspect a gradual process. From John Wayne, to Charles Bronson to Charlton Heston to Arnold Schwarzenegger to Tom Cruise. Presumably the idea was "Let us give something for the ladies to look at", but it didn't really work out, and no one had the heart to tell them. The trend continued into the nineties, and can still be found, but not as much, since those brave pioneers who first enjoyed movies in an ironic manner began to use their skills in the power of evil, and became directors, screenwriters and studioheads, remembered why they did not enjoy eighties action-movies in any serious sense. This also, unfortunately, killed the career of Steven Segal. And so concludes our tale. Steve is still braving on, kicking ass and taking names, and Tom Cruise is still being homo-erotic, and unaware of it.