Zebrafish
The Zebrafish is a small, tropical freshwater fish. In the 1970s, a molecular biologist named Dr. George Streisinger determined that the Zebrafish is one badass motherfucking fish and needs to be studied.
Just The Facts
- The Zebrafish originated in India's Ganges River.
- Its scientific name is Danio Rerio, but it's not as gay as it sounds.
- Some species can glow in the dark, but really--it's not gay. It just likes to party.
Why the Zebrafish is a Badass
Let me ask you a question: If I pulled out a 9 inch butcher knife and chopped off your fingers gangster-style could you grow them back?
Let me answer for you: No.
I'll tell you something about the Zebrafish. If I chopped off a fin on this fish, it would grow it back. Why? Because it's a badass. The Zebrafish is the Weapon-X Wolverine of fish.
It can regrow its fins, its tail, its skin, its heart, and its brain (in larval stages). Not only can they regress their cells into a stem-cell like form and regrow missing body parts, but we have genetically modified them so much, some can now glow in flourescent light. Real badasses glow in black lights. Haven't you learned anything from Jersey Shore?
These striped badasses will feed on phytoplankton and whatever sorry insects and small crustaceans cross its path. Take that, Sea Monkeys.
Here's a video of a pissed off Zebrafish Chiclid hybrid telling another fish to stay off its turf and go back to its own school. (Good part starting at 1:30).
Scientists love the Zebrafish
Scientists love this fish. It's small and easy to maintain. It has transparent embryos that are easy to observe and genetically manipulate. And these horny bastards will spawn every couple days and lay a shitton of eggs.
In January 2007, Chinese researchers at Fudan University genetically modified Zebrafish to detect estrogen pollution in lakes and rivers, which is linked to male infertility.
They may save our own children and look innocent, but beware, given the opportunity, these motherfuckers will eat their own hatchlings.
The Zebrafish has allowed scientific study and advances in the fields of developmental biology, oncology, toxicology, reproductive studies, teratology, genetics, neurobiology, environmental sciences, stem cell and regenerative medicine, and evolutionary theory. Because Zebrafish can do anything. I'm pretty sure with the right training and genetic engineering we can teach them Kung Fu and to kill on demand. They've even worked for NASA and been to space.
So next time you're in the pet store and can only afford a badass fish, think Zebrafish.
