Your First Year Of College

Your first year of college will probably not go as you expected.

Just The Facts

  1. There are parties, but not in the way you think.
  2. You will drink. Even if you think you don't.
  3. Like naps? You'll live off them soon enough.
  4. You will have to work your ass off (eventually).
  5. You'll actually enjoy it.

The Truth about College Parties

There are two kinds of people who go to college: People who already party and people who don't (losers). Regardless of who you are, you probably think everyone else parties too (and this either excites you or scares you shitless). If they're not in class, they're drunk, and if they're in class, they're hungover. The only problem with this is that it's not at all true. If you party all the time (as some freshman try to do) you will not last. You'll burn out within the first few weeks. That senior who did a kegstand at the last party? He just finished a term paper and he's ready for the big test tomorrow. He didn't make it through 4 years by drinking whatever cheap liquor was available, and you won't either.

College Drinking and You!

If you put yourself into the category of non-partyers (also known as no-fun) you're probably familiar with this dilemma: "I don't like to get drunk and party, so everyone will hate me!" Well, you're half right. People won't hate you, but your college life will be significantly less awesome. And it has the potential to be pretty damn awesome. We here at Cracked don't like to encourage peer pressure or anything, but you know how it is. No one will actually force it down your throat, but you will get to the "why not?" point eventually. Even if you swear you don't drink and that you'll never touch it. There will be at least one instance of your friends ganging up on you to get you buzzed, and after the first time, why not some more?

Welcome to the College Nap

Sleeping in between classes, also known as "The College Nap" will most likely become your primary method of hibernation. Few people get a full night's rest regularly, and what a bunch of pricks they are. Always shoving in your face how well they slept. Meanwhile, you will have to make do with sleeping whenever you get the chance. Pretty soon you'll be able to sleep anywhere, in the cafeteria, in the library, even class gets some action, but that's kinda against the point, isn't it? You'll have it down so well you'll know exactly how long it takes to get from class to bed to squeeze out the absolute maximum amount of time.

College is Like, Hard and Stuff

Every year there's that kid who thinks he's a badass who will conquer the school with his bare hands. And that kid is everybody. All freshmen at one point decide they are the Supreme Ruler of All that is College and will act accordingly. This behavior includes not studying for class, not going to class, and just generally not worrying about class in general. Why? Because they're already the biggest badass they can be, so fuck that class and what it's trying to teach me, I already know EVERYTHING*. Now, unless you happen to be a genius or something, this is false. Very false. College will be one of the hardest damn things you've ever done, and treating it any other way will doom you to failure. Schools like to ease you into the experience by making the first semester seem very easy, only to bitch slap you half way through the second when shit gets real. Be prepared for that.

*Note this person is different from The Know It All. The SRoAtiC just thinks he's a general badass. A Know It All will try and inject whatever useless knowledge they have (all of it) into any context possible. And we hate them.


Quick, think about high school. Was it really "the best years of your life"? Think about what you did: everyday you got up around 6:00, went to school by 7:30, stayed there til 2:30, went home, did homework, had dinner, went to bed, then rinse and repeat. Maybe add in a variable sport or after school function, but it's still the same. For 4 years, you more or less followed the exact same routine. Every single day. And all the while your parents were right next to you, guiding you (controlling you) every step of the way.

College is different. You get up whenever (probably just minutes before class), go to class (or not, because remember, fuck class) and then after that you can literally do whatever you want. Because you're on your own now. You want to sit in your underwear and watch cartoons all day? Do it. You want to go to the cafeteria and eat nothing but ice cream while still wearing only underwear? Do it. You want to go to McDonalds at 3:00 in the morning because it's the only place still open and you don't have class til after noon the next day? Do it. In your underwear if you want. Because no one can stop you. Those parents that made you follow all those rules? They're still at home while you're off living your life (apparently in nothing but underwear). And it's your experience, so you can do it however you want. Enjoy.