Titanic
The Titanic was a shitty movie released in 1997 about a whore named "Rose" who destroys everything she touches. The movie also mentions the story of the actual unsinkable ship The RMS Titanic and how it was one of the biggest fuck ups of all time.
Just The Facts
- TheTitanic sank on April 14th 1912.
- 1,517 people were killed (68.2% of the passangers).
- The majority of the deaths were caused by hypothermia.
The "Plot"
Instead of focusing on the actual historical event of the sinking which claimed the lives of 1,500 people, the movie treats that as a side plot and instead focuses on a love-story between Kate Winslet who plays Rose and Leonardo DiCaprio who plays the wise talking drifter artist Jack Dawson. Kate Winselt is marrying a steel tycoon named Caledon "Cal" Hockley (who is played by Billy "The Phantom" Zane).
At the end of Titanic, you realize that you just sat through 194 mintues of a James Cameron movie that didn't have Aliens, Cybernetic Killing Machines or chest bursting gore. It did have the White Star Line, which was essentially Titanic's Weyland. What would have been a redeaming quality of the movie was the presence of Bill Paxton on the treasure hunting boat in 1996. What would have made Titanic better is if Bill Paxton had been murdered by xenomorph killing machines, it would have gone up 1or 2 stars in my book.
The Sinking
The Titanic was designed by Thomas Andrews, Jr. to be "unsinkable". He partioned the Titanic into several water tight compartments with steel doors that could be shut in case of a hull breach or flood. There was just one problem, the water could overflow from compartment to compartment slowly filling the ship with icy death. To give the man credit, he went down with his ship and felt bad about his failure.
To give you a good hard example of what type of leadership the Titanic was under, here is a quote from a senior staff member, see if you can guess who it was:
" When anyone asks me how I can best describe my experience in nearly forty years at sea, I merely say, uneventful. Of course there have been winter gales, and storms and fog and the like. But in all my experience, I have never been in any accident... or any sort worth speaking about. I have seen but one vessel in distress in all my years at sea. I never saw a wreck and never have been wrecked nor was I ever in any predicament that threatened to end in disaster of any sort."
If you guessed Captain EJ Smith, you were right. His talent for statistical inference was somewhere between Homer Simpson and a jar of mayoniese . He used his past experiences (or lack there off) as a justifiable measure of why it was okay to power away at wreckless, breakneck speeds with a 46,328 ton luxry liner through Ice Berg filled waters. By his logic, if I spend a lot of time on planes it's okay to fly right into a thunderstorm because if I've never seen or been involved in any type of areial accident I guess that means it can't happen.
The Slut
Rose DeWitt Bukater is arugably the main character. The story is told in a painful flash back form as a 101-year old Rose shows a group of treasure hunters her early 20th century center fold they found at the bottom of the Titanic wreck in 1996. As if Rose's name wasn't a reason to hate her enough already, she does enough emotional damage on the ship to make Courtney Coxx look like Princess Diana.
As Rose tells her story, we find out that the only reason she is marrying her fiance"Cal" is so his money can pay her debts. Imagine a bitch marrying you cause her FICO score sucked? It's what freecreditreport.com commericals warn you about. As if this wasn't bad enough, Rose then cheats on her husband to be with a starving-artist drifter. They make the equvilant of a 1912 Fuck Tape when Rose has Jack sketch her naked. Cal flips a shit and tries to have Jack killed. I fail to see how this makes him the bad guy. Rose is the money-slut cheating whore and Jack is the home wrecking homeless person she is having unprotected sex with. I'd kill both of them.
The captain wasn't exactly happy with the speed at which they were going, but the owner of the shipping company White Star Line, who was on board, said that he wanted an early arrival of Titanic in harbour to create the headlines.
ReplyWhat an a*****e this was written by. Unfunny hater.
The whole plot is about a guy trying to find a diamond and what does Rose do she talks about her one night stand with Leo Dicaprio. She wastes 3 hours of precious time that i could of spent watching something else and then in the end she doesnt tell anybody that she had that diamond with her and she drops it to the sea. So Rose goes off topic when they ask her the question and she never answers the question she needs to go to a retirement home.Also in the movie some guy says that not even God can sink Titanic well he didnt have to an iceberg did it for him so unsinkable my ass. The ending should have been Godzilla coming out of the water and heat ray that ship or somehing that would have made those 3 hours worth it.
ReplyDon't trash talk Titanic. This was a good movie. It's better than you've ever done!
ReplyThat was.... very little funny.... you didn't even get the date right. Started sinking 20 minutes to midnight on April 14th, actually sank at 20 past 2 on April 15th. And your spelling is awful.
ReplyDid the "slut" section need to be included? If you're going to complain about plot holes, at least get your information right. I like dark and offensive humor, but this wasn't even funny. It was just misogynist.
ReplyYeah, that and she didn't sink on April 14th 1912. She struck the Iceberg at 11:40 on April 14th but she didn't sink until 2:20 the next day, April 15th.
ReplyThis kind of blew. The life boat fuckup had been around for a while and a lot of ships didn't have enough boats. Neither White Star line nor Andrew tried to pass of the shop as unsinkable. Yellow Journalism and society magazines did that. And as for the movie disparaging, 1912 was the late Victorian era, women were equivalent to property, and she was being forced to marry a misogynistic image obsessed a*****e who probably cared more about having a young piece of ass to show off as his wife instead of fuck.
ReplyThere was just one problem, the water could overflow from compartment to compartment slowly filling the ship with icy death
ReplyActually, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that only the first 5 compartments were watertight, preparing for a head-on collision. The side of the Titanic scraped against the iceberg as it was trying to turn away from it, tearing a hole in the side of the 6th compartment, which THEN filled the ship with icy death. If they hadn't tried to turn away from the iceberg, they probably would've been fine.
Sorry, I was Titanic obsessed from the ages of 4-7.
are you on crack, or just stupid. all the compartments were watertight, up to e deck. the problem was that 6 of the compartments were compromised, causing the weight of the water to pull the ship down enough to start spilling over e deck. you may have been obsessed with the ship, but do not call yourself an expert. i have been studying her story, design, statistics, and flaws for 20 years.
Okay, I'll agree that the plot holes in this movie were big enough to sail the Titanic (and the Britanic, and the Olympic) through, but the "Slut" section was a little harsh. She had no interest in Cal, and was being forced into a marriage against her will. It was the f*****g Edwardian Era, she didn't have any choice.
ReplyThe only good thing in that movie was Bernard Hill as the captain. The dude is badass. But the love story ruined a perfectly good disaster.
Replyhaha. I hated the titanic. and rose was a whore. Point and case, the ending:
Reply"Oh jack, I'll never let you go" Rose then proceeds to swipe the gajillion dollar necklace off his neck and lets go and watches him drift off into the darkness of sea as rescue arrives.
My parents cried. I laughed my ass off.
1. The necklace was in her pocket, he never had it. 2. She says "I'll never let go" referring to the promise she made him earlier which he told her never to let go off, not him. 3. You're a dick.