Legal Tender

It's what you need and you ain't got. Call it cash, dough, scratch, bread, bucks, dinero, moolah, cheddar, greenbacks, Benjamins, big ones...they all mean the same thing: bits of paper that are the driving reason you get out of bed in the morning.

Just The Facts

  1. Money first appeared in Egypt four thousand years ago. Since then it's been the primary requirement for securing goods, services, and staring roles in rap videos.
  2. Traditionally money is backed by concrete goods, including everything from grain to gold to prepaid long distance minutes.
  3. Think of any action a person can possibly engage in: Yes, someone has done that for money.

What You Want, Baby, They Got It

Quick: put your hand in your pocket. Feel that huge wad of bills? No? Get used to those feelings: an empty hand, and disappointment.

Money is inargueably great, but the division of it is downright sadistic. Odds are good that if you're reading this yourself (as opposed to having it read aloud to you by your man-servant Connor) you've got a lot less of the green stuff than you'd like.

As we've previously stated being poor sucks pretty hard, but worry not; we here at Cracked know economics inside and out, and are here to help.

Also apparently knowledgable: Illuminati.

Sure-Fire Ways To Make Money

Making money is tough, but thats not to say there aren't some tried and true methods for pocketing the greeen stuff.

Compound Interest

Possibly the most powerful force in the galaxy, and if you paid even passing attention in high school math, you know that's not an exageration.


Pros: The best way in the world to make a genuinely unimaginable sum while other people handle all the actual responsibility. The numbers can be truely staggering.

Cons: You gotta have money to make money. 10% compounding interest should double a starting investment in less than 8 years, but if you've only got a few hundred bucks you might not see a cent after bank fees.

Steal It

Man up, bitch.

Pros: No wait, no work, just plain old money for nothin'. Don't think to narrowly on this either: identity theft, mail fraud, and other white collar crime brings in the bread too.

Cons: Again, to really do it right you need a starting investment. Sure, anybody can walk into a liquor store with a brick in a sock and get a hundred bucks, but for some truely Oceans Eleven shenagians you're gonna need some resources at your disposal (even more so if you're going to partake in the be-all-end-all of theft crimes: embezzlement.)

Odds Shattering Luck

It could be a winning lottery ticket, a phsique that was made for professional basketball, or finding some junk in your attic that gets you on the season finale of "Antiques Roadshow". Whatever the circumstance, you did nothing to earn it.

Pros: No work, little to no starting investement, and, since you did nothing to earn it, no compulsion to show the slightest bit of fiscal restraint.

Cons: It won't happen to you.

Born Into It

Someone in your family tree managed to stumble into at leas 2, and probably all three of the above items, and now its time for you to live the good life.

Pros: What isn't great about being loaded for life without doing anything?

Cons: When the revolution comes, we're killin' you first.