The Rolling Stones

A rock band composed of four guys from England who play their concerts a little earlier in the day just so they can catch the early bird special

In the Beginning


Just The Facts

  1. Have banged possibly three generations of groupies. "Hey I knew your grandma!"
  2. Outlasted every 60s band. It's too bad they are so old they still think it's the 60s
  3. Played a concert to 1.2 million people in Rio De Janeiro. It is estimated at least a third of the concertgoers were conceived by various band members during prior tours

The Formative Years And The Success That Followed

The Rolling Stones were started in England in 1962 by Brian Jones, a man with smooth enough fingers to play guitar but not to put on a condom seeing that he had gotten three girls pregnant up until this point in time. The band was named for a Muddy Waters "Rollin Stone" and not for the fact that they would one day be as old as stones and basically be so old they would roll around on stage. From the very beginning, the Stones fashioned themselves to be the first hardcore, surly, and wild rock band. They never thought that attitude would be emulated and altered to such a great degree we would one day have this:

They also purposely took a harder and rougher image to compete with the Beatles who were their rivals at the time. A simple analogy might help you understand just how much harder the Stones became. If the Beatles were a cute little puppy:

Then the Rolling Stones would look like this:

That hardcore attitude won over a lot of fans and they soon became one of the biggest bands in the world. One of their first successful songs was actually a Lennon/McCartney tune entitled "I Wanna Be Your Man" The original Beatles version was sung by Ringo which explains why it bombed. The Holocaust just might be cooler than Ringo.

The Stones' first hit single was "The Last Time" which isn't a very good title to have if you want more hit songs. But, as fortune would have it, they went on to have a string of hits.They followed their first success with (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. Again, a curious title seeing that there was probably more action backstage than in a plot of a Die Hard movie. Subsequent hits included "Get Off of My Cloud" (Going to take a wild guess and say this was acid inspired) and "Ruby Tuesday" (Mick would later go on to start a chain of restaurants based on this song. Food quality is inversely related to the quality of the Stones). The Stones followed this hit with their 1966 "Paint It Black" which included the profoundly thought-provoking line of "I see a red door and I want it painted black" which earned Mick a nomination for the Nobel Prize in Literature that very year. The success of their prior albums was eclipsed by their wildly popular album Their Satanic Majesties Request which was an answer to the Beatles' Sgt. Peppers'

Years later, this album cover would inspire the wardrobe of nearly every World of Warcraft guild meeting. After this, the Stones followed up their success with an even bigger one with the album Beggar's Banquet and after that the album Let It Bleed, which if were to be released today would almost certainly get the Stones branded emo. Can you imagine Mick grabbing his bloody veins and dyed-black hair instead of his crotch? An absolutely abominable vision I must say. Famous songs from the album include "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (an interesting lyric because it would be hard for Mick and Keith to want anything more than banging chicks every day and earning millions of dollars) and "Gimme Shelter" (really, a bigger mansion Mick?)

The cake off of the album cover would later go on to inspire nearly every piece of crap cooked on the Rachel Ray show. As the album was having its meteoric rise to the top of nearly every chart, the founding member Brian Jones died of drowning in his pool. Somebody should have told him a Stone always sinks to the bottom of a pool. The band matched the success of Let It Bleed with their album Sticky Fingers (named after result of improper eating of Goat's Head Soup which would later be the title of their next album)

In Recent Years

After a few sparse hits in the 80s with songs like "Start Me Up" (possibly referring to their retirement) and "Miss You" (yeah, you miss all of that success we had in the 60s and 70s) the Stones took a break. Occasionally an album would come out in the 90s, about as good as well actually eating Goat's Head Soup. In 2002 they released their highly acclaimed greatest hits album Forty Licks (name inspired by amazing night Mick had with a groupie) After this they decided to go back on tour and released their praised album A Bigger Bang (this is is necessary for old people seeing that their hearing starts to fade) and they even played at the Super Bowl. The Catholic Church, and many other religious folk, prayed that their would not be a Janet Jackson-like slip-up with one of Mick Jagger's saggy nipples. Thank goodness there was none.

AHH, acid flashback from all of the drugs in the 60s.

A Graph Representing Music and The Stones' effect