Why Is This On The Menu?

Sometimes restaurants step over that invisible line and into an area that they just don't belong. Denny's now offers a bacon sundae. Imagine what Cracked could do with a bacon themed menu. Bon appétit!

Just The Facts

  1. Give us what we want. Burger King, we came here for a greasy, salty, sugary feast. Don't insult us by offering us a Veggie Burger.
  2. We really do want a bacon themed restaurant. Who's going to step up?
  3. Anything goes on the Kids Menu. Everybody knows that.

Which One of These Things is Not Like the Other?

But it's not just Denny's that has stepped across that line. Applebee's is also making a stretch. They offer an appetizer called "Wonton Tacos Pork" served with Asian slaw (whatever that is). So the next time you order your onion rings say, "I'll take the Crunchy Rings Onion please". All we're saying is that their whole menu should be in broken English. We have no problem with that. Some of our best friends butcher the English language every day and we love them for it. All we ask Applebee's, is that you're consistent.

Or maybe you'd like to try Coco's new Teriyaki Pineapple Burger. Yeah, you heard it right...pineapple, on your burger. What? Don't try to make an unhealthy thing healthy by adding something that is supposed to be good for you. If we want a colon clogging burger we don't want fruit screwing it up!

But the most serious transgression has been committed here in the Wild West by the Black Angus steakhouse. This restaurant has shamed itself by violating it's own code. Nearly every item on their menu sounds like it was muttered by an old grizzled gunslinger. The ladyfolk should be scared to even set foot inside one of these eateries. In this place even the drinks have meat in them. If the menu were up on the wall the first item to get blasted with a twelve gauge shotgun would undoubtedly be the "Crispy Fried Garlic Zucchini served with Cool Cucumber Dip". Every time it's ordered the whole place just gets real quiet like a record just skipped. We've seen it many times. Usually the offender says something like, "Now look, I don't want no trouble". But sometimes there is trouble, and ain't no one gonna stop it.