Ratchet And Clank

Ratchet and Clank is a 3D platformer created by Insomniac Games soley for the Playstation systems. It follows the herioc, and delightfully zany antics of a furry cat thing and a gay robot. &&(navigator

Dosen't matter how big your weapon is, you cant make this look meancing.

Just The Facts

  1. Ratchet is actually known as a "Lombax"
  2. Clank is a defective Robot
  3. Captin Quark is a frequent steriod user

Ratchet and Clank

Those pants look WAY to tight

The first Ratchet and Clank game starts off with Ratchet trying to fix his ship to get off the hellish looking planet of Veldin. He appears to be the ONLY person on this planet, which makes you wonder how he survived all of these years without losing his damned mind. On a different planet, a robot factory is producing robots (shocking!) and a defective robot is made and is evidently self aware. When it learns of some evil plans, he leaves on a spaceship and crash lands on Veldin, where Ratchet finds him, names him Clank, and they both escape the planet in hopes of finding a man named Captain Quark, who was a hero figure at the time. The main antagonist in the game is a man named Chairman Drek of the "Blarg" race.

The Blargs are a hideous race that destroyed there home with pollution, making it impossible for them to live there. Instead of them trying to find a new home, Chairman Drek decides to create a new one, with whole species of other planets to create the perfect home. Sadly, this means that every planet that invaded will loose its balance, and drift into a nearby sun (obviously).

Ratchet and Clank roam the galaxy trying to find Quark, who they later find to be on the planet Umbris. When they finally complete the evil obstacle course (complete with shark pool) they meet Quark, and it is revealed that he is working for Drek in exchange for money and a spot on the new planet. Ratchet and Clank are then dropped into a pit where they fight a giant monster, and Ratchet vows to totally kick Quarks ass, but Clank still thinks that Drek is a more important target. Ratchet does defeat Quark in a space battle of somewhat epic proportions.

Eventually Ratchet learns that Drek wants to destroy Ratchets home planet by literally shooting it into the sun. Why is he doing this? because Veldin is evidently the only spot in the entire universe that is in the perfect position that would create nice weather all year long. Ratchet, who know has nobody to kill, decides that this is bullshit and vows even more revenge on Drek, and Clank is totaally on board. In reality, the planet is pretty much uninhabited, but that does not stop out dynamic duo.

When the two confront Drek, he says that he was the one who ruined the first world, and plans to do the same with the new one after everyone has already purchased there land. Ratchet kills Drek, and in a very shortsighted manner, uses the planet destroying weapon to kill the new Blarg home world. Naturally, all the little fragments start to fall... towards Veldin, Ratchets home world. Ratchet and Clank then walk off into the sunset as best friends.

Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando

The second installment of the Ratchet and Clank shows us that both our heros are now huge celebrities in there galaxy, but after awhile, nobody seems to care and they have a "Behind The Heros" shows done about them. Shortly after, they are both sitting around, minding there own, and they are suddenly transported by a man named bercrombie Fizzwidget, who is really fat and appears to be mildly retarded. Turns out he is the CEO of Megacorp, the corporation that produced EVERYTHING in the Bogon Galaxy. The fat man says that he needs help protecting a biological expirement, and sends Ratchet and Clank to a floating ship to find it, and bring it back. When the find it, its in a cage, and its just a small ball of fuzz with a face. When they are about to grab the cage, a masked thief presents him or her selves, and takes the cage, leaving both our heros with open jaws. They contact Fizzwidget.

After find the thief on the frozen planet of Siberius (Named after Siberia) where they defeat the masked person and bring the ball of fuzz back to Fizzwidget, who accidently ejects both Ratchet and Clank out of his plane, leaving them for dead on a dessert planet. The thief confronts them again, and demands the thing back, but they said they already gave it to Fizzwidget. The thief is enraged, and the mask accidently comes off, revealing the thief to be a women, but not just any women, a Lombax women. She says that the expirement is actually a deadly weapon and should be destroyed.

Ratchet and Clank try to persuade Fizzwidget to destroy the animal he calls "The Protopet", but declines because he has much more important things to do then simply pull the trigger on a gun.

Ratchet and Clank, after discovering this are captured by a compony knows as "Thugs 4 Less" and sent to a floating prison and escape. They then try to rescue Angela, who was the sexy female thief who has also been captured. They rescue her, and they all three go to Megacorps headquarters to save the planet once again!

After they arrive, they learn that Fizzwidget is actually Captain Quark in disguise (GASP!) who knew about the Protopets human eating habits from the start, but is using them to restore his reputation. Quark hopes to use a "Helix-o-morph" to fix the flaw in the original Protopet, fixing all the others (because obviously magic DOES exist in this universe). Naturally something goes wrong and the Protopet just goes into a giant fucking monster and gets angrier. Ratchet, after realizing he has had enough of this bullshit, kills the beast. Clank fixes the "Helix-o-morph" and zaps a different Protopet curing all the other ones in the galaxy, turning them into lovable pets. (Sadly, sales of the Potopet never recovered after the whole "mass murder" thing)

They find the REAL Fizzwidget tied up in a closet, where he probably stayed for months. (He is no less annoying then Quarks version sadly). The Game ends with everyone at Ratchets apartment celebrating. It then cuts to a scene where it shows that Captain Quark has become the new test subject for something Megacorp likes to call the "Crotchitizer"

Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal

The third game in the series starts with Ratchet learning that is home planet, Veldin, is once again under attack from something call the Tyhrranoids, who are led by a mysterious criminal known as Dr. Nefarious (The name kind of gives it away). Ratchet and Clank stop the assault on his home planet, and they get a call from the Galactic President (who sounds like a very sick Lincoln), who tells them to find, you guessed it, Captain Quark because he is the only one who defeated Nefarious in the past. Most players will say "FUCK!" and want to yell at the president that Quark is indeed, a total dick, sadly Ratchet has more self control them most and holds his tounge. When found, Quark creates what he calls "the Q-Force" made up of him, his fat robot trainer named Helga, a pro hoverboarder, a one eyed fucking monkey and Ratchet and Clank themselves. They are told to invade Nefarious's flying base and acquire as much information as possible about his plans. Naturally, because he is very vengeful, he makes Ratcher and Clank do all the work while sitting around being muscular beyond all reason. Nefarious calls the force after a base is blown up and its traced back to the planet Daxx. There they find a Biobiliterator, and a music video for Cortney Gears, a robot pop star at the time. While Ratchet goes off to investigate whats happening, Clank is kidnapped and put in a James Bond like torture trap and is given the option to die or rule the world. Nefarious replaces Clank with an evil replica, with red eyes and evil smile that is very out of character for him. Skidd (the hoverboarder) is also kidnapped and before Ratchet can save him, is turned into a really annoying stoner robot. The whole Q-Force goes and attacks a ship known as the Leviathin in an attempt to capture Nefarious, but he self-destructs the ship after teleporting off. Everyone escapes, except Quark who gave the last remaning ship to Ratchet, and is presumed dead. Ratchet could not give two fucks about this, and seems almost glad.

When Nefarious, dicking it up again, attacks ANOTHER city turning everything into robots, he shows that the real Clank is in fact with him, and that the robot he has is really named Klunk, and is really fucking evil. At this point Klunk transforms into a giant fucking monster and Ratchet has to kill it with a wrench (?) they find out that Quark is alive (Because he cant fucking die) and that he only wanted them to think he was dead. He does this not out of evil, but because he says Nefarious is to powerful, then in the most melodramatic speech on earth, pussies out...like a bitch.

The dynamic duo destroy the first Biobliterator, but like the death star, this is a fucking second, much larger on housed on a ship in his base. They try to destroy it like they always do, and Nefarious turns into a much larger, heavily armed robot that is intent on kicking ass and taking names in the name of...himself.

Quark, who recently grew a pair jumps in and everyone fights in aerial combat in space. They both destroy the Biobliterator and Nefarious is left stranded on an asteroid that is supposed to wander the uinverse forever. And since they are robots and cant die, they are essentially fucked.

END GAME