Action Cops: Scourge Of The Law

Everyone enjoys watching a man of action right the wrongs of a vile evil-doer, until you’re the one left footing the bill.

Just The Facts

  1. When cops in action films react to crimes, they do so with blatant disregard for the laws they are supposed to uphold.
  2. Action cops never fill out paperwork, because the only writing they know how to do is with bullets.
  3. When dealing with an action cop, it is you, the tax payer, who ends up paying for the billions in damages that are done to the city that said officer is meant to protect and serve.

An Issue of Perspective

Here at Cracked, there's not much we love to see more than shit getting blown up real good. Unfortunately, we seldom take time to examine the ramifications of when the Steven Seagals of the world decide that the only justice on the menu is the blazing inferno variety. Imagine if you were Detective Steve McBlowshitup's partner, and you were called into what appeared to be a routine drug bust. Protocol would probably call for things like a search warrant and backup. Now, imagine your partner turning right around and running into that drug house, guns blazing. One of two things would happen. You'd either one: try and help him out, to which he'd undoubtedly respond, "I work better alone, kid." Or two: face palm as hard as you possibly could knowing you, the junior partner on the team, would be the one filling out all the paperwork for your partner's cavalier justice.

You Can spell good, right?

You can spell good, right?


Or what if you were the Internal Affairs officer that had to weed through all the reports six months later, when the both of you are being investigated for the astronomically high cost in damages done to the apartment complex when your partner decided that the easiest way to deal with the meth lab he found would be to send it skyward in a towering blaze, along with every other apartment in that particular unit?

So they just issue incendiary grenades?

Let's go over this one more time...


This, of course, is all assuming you've already made peace with the fact that your partner has probably put several well-to-do families out of house and home, if not outright killed them. How would you explain to nine-year-old Suzie that her mother was unfortunately killed when your partner went on a homicidal rampage in order to preserve law and order in his fair city? Because you know damn well Detective Dipshit is just going to look at her and say, "if you want to make an omelet, you've gotta break some eggs," with that smug I-blew-that-building-up-good look plastered on his face.