Why Twilight Sucks

Today I shall be writing an informative article backing up what we all already know; The Twilight books are the grammatically incorrect, poorly written sexual fantasies of a deluded 37 year-old woman.&

The face of literary genus.

Just The Facts

  1. One of Edward Cullen's many hobbies is watching Bella sleep without her knowledge.
  2. Hiding behind the glitter and seductively airbrushed looks, Edward is a 109 year-old pedophile.
  3. Bella has the personality of a glove.
  4. Edward's "perfectly toned muscles" are described in vivid detail every 2 pages.

So, tell us again, why does Twilight suck?

If you have read any of the Twilight books, you will notice a large percentage of words un-recognisable without several Thesauri to hand. It seems Stephenie knew how terrible her work was, and attempted to redeem it by using as many big words as possible. Despite the fact that almost every one of these big words are used in the wrong context or even spelt incorrectly, she managed to get herself published after only 14 editors told her that Twilight was complete bull. This leads me to believe that her editors are either dyslexic children or mentally handicapped giraffes.

The first 200 pages of the first book in the Twilight series are all about developing the characters. Normally, as long as you still have some sort of plot, this isn't too bad in the first book of a series. Sadly, the characters being developed are shallow and predictable, so the "character development" is mostly going over what we already know; Bella is a clumsy attention whore with self-security problems and, as mentioned before, Edward is a 109 year-old pedophile who enjoys watching said clumsy attention whore sleep.

I could give you many more points, and tell you some more how Edward is a 109 year-old pedophile who enjoys watching teenage girls sleep, but I think you've gotten it by now, being on the Meyer-hating internet as you are; Twilight truly does suck.