Dan Bern

Dan Bern is an American folk singer known for songs like "The Fascist in Me" and "Chick Singers." He often sings about the personal lives of celebrities, as well as their body parts.

The (eponymous) dog drew this in the back of the van.

Just The Facts

  1. If he is to be believed, Bern's testicles are "the size of Jupiter." Poor guy.
  2. His father's parents, the Bernsteins, were Lithuanian, which I'm pretty sure is a kind of cheese.
  3. Ani DiFranco brought him on tour and produced his 3rd album, resulting in her stabbing death at the hands of a fan clutching a copy of Feminisms: An Anthology of Literary Theory and Criticism (Rutgers University Press, 1991).

Comparisons with Bob Dylan

Dan Bern, like his nemesis Bob Dylan, was born to a nice Jewish family in the Midwest and soon set out for the coast, swearing he'd walk til he found someone carrying an oar.

Unlike Dylan, who didn't use the word until fifteen years into his career, Bern begins the song "Hannibal" on his first album (Dog Boy Van, '96) with the lines "Let the niggers burn down Niggertown/ step aside for burnin' and lootin'/ but if they set foot in Beverly Hills/ time brother brother time to start shootin'." There's nothing funny about that, and it's bad advice. You need silver bullets to kill black people.

Falcon Ridge Fracas

Dan Bern was kicked out of the Falcon Ridge folk festivalin the late '90s after performing his song "No Missing Link" on the main stage on Sunday afternoon. The refrain of the song, from 1998's Fifty Eggs LP, goes something like "the aliens came/ and fucked the monkeys/ they fucked the monkeys." As it's the refrain to the song, he sang it over and over again. The concertgoers were said to have shouted back, "Yeah, but where did all the fucking flowers go?" True story.