I Scream- You Scream: A Tale of Horror

Sweet Delicious Ice Creamy Goodness

A typical clown post recession

A Tale Of Horror

I used to believe I was invincible, yes that is not a typo I actually believed I was immortal. I walked around believing that no harm could ever come to me, much like the feeling one experiences when they ingest a large amount of cocaine. I found myself running into all kinds of Dangerous situations and emerge from them unscathed and relatively unharmed. Until one day last week I came face to face with my own mortality and it appeared to me in the strangest form.

Let me recap, it was Thursday I had just finished laying down some phat tracks in my beat laboratory and was feeling in the mood for some gellato. Unfortunately the best gellato store happened to be in an area overrun with vicious gangs of marauding circus performers, this wasn't always the case. The recession is even tough for acrobats and jugglers too, laid off from their respective jobs they found themselves unskilled for work in the real world and had taken to petty larceny and murder, just in the efforts to survive another day. My heart bled for them, I felt these ridiculous people were my kindred spirits in many way; we often get ridiculed for our appearance, we have skills that don't serve any real purpose in the real world and ..... well two reasons is enough to be kindred spirits. As you can imagine I was still rather apprehensive about travelling through this neighbourhood. My friend Alex was once raped by a gang of clowns, now he can't even look at anything that even resembles a circus. He once attacked an old lady who had a brightly coloured umbrella. I sat debating the pros and cons of my trip, but in the end my desire for that sweet gellato won out.

I ambled through the sunlined streets full of joy and goodwill for my fellow man, stopped and petted a few stray dogs and received a few nasty bites from the neighbourhood urchins (little scamps, my fault for walking on the same side of the street as them). I made it to the Gellato shop with my anal virginity intact and found myself breathing a sigh of relief as I tucked into some sweet strawberry goodness. By the time I left several hours later I found the streets had taken on an altogether more sinister ambiance, I went back inside to ask the shop keep to phone me a taxi, but he laughed at me and said that the phone was for paying customers only. I attempted to argue with him that I had spent several hours and a kings ransom on his overpriced ice-cream. He then pulled a ice-cream scoop out and said what I assumed was some very graphic depictions of assault in Italian at me. I said what I thought was I don't want any trouble unfortunately I forgot how to negate as my Italian was quite rusty. He charged at me with the ice-cream scoop, but I managed to parry and he slipped on a banana peel and went sliding into his broom cupboard, I quickly locked the door and hightailed it out of there. I was a little shaken by this encounter as you can well imagine, Signor Gelataria may be a volatile sociopath but he made such delicious frozen dairy treats, but that was the last time! I was getting sick and tired of that routine. It was amusing the first few times but after a year the concept was getting tired. I wandered down the darkened street pausing briefly to look at things I found on the ground. I then noticed a woman down an alley she caught me glancing her way and asked if I wanted a fun time. "What a silly question" I thought "Who wouldn't want a fun time?" I walked down to meet her only to find she had a beard. "Whoah wait" I said pulling on her beard "What do you call this?". "This is a trap bud" She said in a lilting drawl that greatly contrasted with her ample facial hair. A group of clowns began to circle me. "Just great" I muttered "raped by clowns, I guess this is Karma's way of getting me back for laughing at Alex so much". "What?" the leader of the clowns shouted in an indignant manner "We're not gonna rape you? "Who do you think we are?". I told them the story of Alex and his unfortunate run in with some other circus folk. The clowns assured me they were not that kind of gang, we sat in the alley smoking some very funny cigarettes that the clowns had kindly offered me and discussed the moral disintegration of the country, after about an hour we parted ways with promises of catching up on Facebook etc. Just as I was leaving the lead clown Crackers "Oh wait, hey I nearly forgot we were supposed to mug you?" I cast him a sly smile opened my wallet to show him the emptiness that lay inside I then mouthed the words Gelato. We all burst out laughing and went our separate ways.

I made it home safe in the knowledge that I had made some friends for life, there may be a lot of bad in the world but if you go under the surface you will probably find blood and veins and stuff, but under that again you find goodness sweet nourishing goodness. I was right to assume the clowns and I would share a bond, and we are indeed brothers. Brothers till the end.