The Forbidden Kingdom

Some white kid finds a magic staff that transports him to ancient China where he meets Jackie Chan and Jet Li.

The only reason people went to see the movie.

Just The Facts

  1. Only a white man can free the Monkey King from his pretrified state.
  2. White men and Asian chicks cannot resist each other.
  3. Asians require intervention from White people to sort their own affairs out.
  4. The film contains numerous references to old Shaw brothers movies.
  5. The actor for Jason Trapitikas, spent 8 hours a day learning Kung-fu and also learned horseriding.

The controversial choice of a white guy for a lead role.

People have largely picked up on and complained about the inherent racism and Western undertones of superiority.

For one thing the protagonist is a white kid who is chosen to go back in time to free the Monkey King. What makes this worse is that he is based of the character of Tripitika from The Journey to the West; who was most definetely not white. This would be as acceptable as having the progenitor of the human race lie somewhere under Japan, rather than in Africa.

Neon Genesis Evangelion. Incorrecttly displaying science and religion, all at the same time.

History has enough examples of race washing and re-writing history to suit the purposes of racial supremists. So the notion that a movie could portay a white dude as the "chosen one" seems like yet another attempt to show White superiority.

Then there is the pretty standard thing where the White guy gets the Asian girl. Although there was a kiss scene it was deleted anyways so there.

Or is it?

Well it is true that Jason is chosen to send the staff back to its rightfull owner; the concept of time travel carries some messy implications. In a way it is pre-destination, as Jason became good friends with the Monkey King and the Drunken Immortal and thus they trusted him to fullfill that duty. Yet by traveling back in time you interfer with the flow of time. So it all gets a lil messed up.

While he is picked by destiny and what not to go back in time were all forgetting one thing; he's the weakest of the crew. Literally anytime he tried to fight any of the principle cast, he got his behind handed to him. Most of his fights barely have him surviving and he gets through by some mysterious art of luck-fu.

But then there is the training and the idea he is a lowly student, under two great asian teachers. Seriously though, his training is utterly brutal. It's not as if he's breezing through the training; its completely the opposite . No he gets absolutely man-handled.

Even the film crew have qued up, just to hit this guy!

Then there is the fact that he's the most afraid and fearfull of the group. Whereas stoic Jet Li fights several opponents, Jackie Chan laughs at danger and the girl just does her thing. Jason is pretty damn frantic. Whenever he actually wins over a minor grunt he is utter amazement of hmself, whilst the rest of the crew is taking on the bigger fish.

UPLOADED

"Oh MYYY GOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Purely onto the realms of speculation here, but what if there is more than meets the eye to good old Jason? True he is white, but 100% white? Even then let's not forget the fact he apparently has visions about that staff before he even saw it in the shop. Perhaps our good friend Jason is recalling genetic memory of sorts, ala Assasins Creed.

The characters

Jason Tripitikas

He's a young avid fan of kung-fu movies who lives with just his mom. When he gets into a sitaution with some bullies he is forced to pick up a staff and go back in time to free a petrified Monkey Kind. Along the way he learns Kung-Fu and gets it on with the Asian chick.

Featured Image

"It's on like Sun Wukong"

A lot of people dislike him because a) he is white loser surrounded by cool asians and b) people see him ad just an annoying apprentice. That said he gets beaten up a heck of a lot in the movie which is funny enough and quite frankly he is the only one of the cast who can actually act. And no, its not because he can speak English better than his co-stars; the actor has been pretty much in the biz since he was born.

Lu Yan. The Drunken Immortal.

Yep it's Jackie Chan drinking alcohol and teaching a new student. But what does he drink? Considering that the Chinese use raw animals to make their alcohol. Snake wine perhaps? Was it made from seahorses, termites, deer or tiger p***s? This is a true mystery to a movie that is quite ponderous.

The Silent Monk.

He is playes by Jet Li, who joins the mission to free the Monkey King. Don't worry, him and Jackie Chan have it out, although the jury's out on who won. Still they manage to antagonise each other throughout the movie which is what you'd expect when two alpha males are within close vicinity of one another. The only thing they agree on is making Jason suffer endlessly and defeating the Jade Warlord.

"Jackie! Hold his arms while I strangle him some more!"

The Golden Sparrow.

She's some girl who speaks in third person and plays some sort of Chinese string instrument. Her role in this movie is to come along to take out the Jade Warlord for revenge. Aside from that, she happens to better at Kung-fu then Jason but not as good as Lu Yan or the Silent Monk. She happens to be very skilled at using daggers and throwing pointy things in general. She can't help but fall for Jason, although she's better than him in Kung-Fu and it's not like he's wealthy, famous or super smart. Perhaps she's craftily trying to get with him for his lactose tolerance.

Who wouldn't mind listening to this song bird?

Monkey King

Basicly Sun Wukong, the inspiration between such crazy-bad legends like Goku and Infernape. He is practically unbeatable thanks to the help of his golden-ringed wishing staff, but he was tricked and imprisoned by the Jade Warlord.

Jade Warlord.

Its Seraph from the Matrix? But instead of guns he gets cool Asian chi magic instead. He rules the Middle Kingdom with an iron fist and only Sun Wukong the Monkey King can stop him. Which is why he is determined to that get that staff, as it is the only thing that can fear his arch-nemesis.

But seriously he is powerfull immortal being. Instead of sending his droves of incompetant men and some witch who wants his special elixir; why couldn't hunt for he staff himself!

Ah well you know you're the bomb when you manage to single-handedly trick and imprison Sun Wukong the Monkey King.

Something about him seems familiar....

Oh yeah, he's like the bad guy (Jet Li) out of Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon King.

Ni-Chang. The White-haired witch

She's apparently a witch but the most magic we see from her is her ability to levitate and her prehensile hair. What she wants is the elixir of immortality from the Jade Warlord which he will give to her in exchange for the staff. Oh, she beats up Jason and fights the other girl which is all anyone can really ask of her. She can levitate a little and has prehensile hair but that's about all the witchcraft she's got. Although she doesn't happen to be quite handy with the whip and she's an expert archer.

Hagrid wants that umbrella back!