Just last week I managed to wrangle myself an interview with the guitarist from legendary girl group The Corrs, Jim Corr. I had to tell him I was part of an rebel faction who were fighting against the Lizard people and I needed an interview with him
The Lonely Martian: Mr Corr it's a pleasure to meet you in person finally.
Jim Corr: The pleasure is mine fellow freedom fighter. Before we begin though I would like to check that you still don't have the chip that high ranking lizard people have planted in your head *he takes from his pocket what appears to be spork (spoon fork) and gets up to approach me*
Luckily I had anticipated this and had made a small nick on the side of my forehead earlier in the week which I duly pointed to
TLM: That's alright Mr Corr, as you can see I've had mine removed, painful but worth it. No more shall they steal my thoughts so that the lizard people can sell them to companies like Microsoft and Coca Cola.
JC: *Looking a little disappointed sits back down but keeps the spork in one hand* Alright, I just had to make sure, you know?
TLM: Of course I understand it's a lizard people world out there and we have to make sure they don't steal our thoughts
JC: *Nods sagely* Damn straight! Now what kind of questions did you want to ask me
TLM: Well I was hoping to ask you some stuff about your work with the Corrs and then move on to lizard people questions, if that's alright?
JC: Sure no problem, just let me put on my interview hat *takes out tinfoil bowler hat which actually looks quite striking on him* This just makes sure that my super intelligent thought process isn't subsumed by the American Government to make money off the poor
TLM: Of course, of course. Well my first question is; why did you join a band with your sisters? Why not start your own band?
JC: The answer to that is that nobody wanted to join a band with me, mostly because I wanted to sing songs about lizard people. So in the end my sisters took pity on me and let me join their band.
TLM: Quite nice of them
JC: Not really I only found out recently that most of our songs were subtle allegations of me being a complete nutjob. I did not enjoy that!
TLM: So you're saying that they're all bitches?
JC: Sure thing, nothing they like better than to bring a guy down with their celtic music.
TLM: So who was the worst?
JC: Oh defo Andrea, she was the worst near the end. She wasn't even being subtle, blatantly calling me an idiot right to my face!
TLM: You say 'near the end', near the end of what?
JC: Their reign of terror
TLM: Their reign of terror?
JC: Yes, you see I discovered that they were in fact lizard people collaborators! So I captured them and keep them locked up in the basement of my house trying to get answers from them about the lizard people's plans for humans
TLM: So this is why The Corrs broke up?
JC: Sure is! You didn't believe all that nonsense about solo careers, did you? Hah! Ol' Jim here has more than one trick up his sleeve!
TLM: How did you find out about their collaboration?
JC: Well I first thought there was something fishy about them when I realised they weren't calling me stupid in their songs anymore and the more I listened the more I heard the subliminal messages about obeying the lizard people overlords. One day I followed them and took this picture of them with some of the lizard people *He reached into his pocket and produced a picture which made me gasp most femininely*
TLM: Wow, Jim, this... this is amazing! Why haven't you shown this to anyone!
JC: Because everyone thinks I'm nuts, it's thanks to the subliminal messages in the music
TLM: Those bitches have gone too far!
JC: That's right, that's why I've been tortuting them the last few weeks to find out their plans
TLM: I want to help you Jim
JC: Well let's get to torturing them some more then....
We spent an eventful afternoon of torturing and laughing and drinking beers after that.
A couple of hours later when we had tortured them enough for one day we went back to the interview
TLM: I have to say Jim, that was a lot of fun
JC: Sure is, I don't think they know any of the lizard people plans but I do enjoy making them pay for their collaboration
TLM: Damn straight! I just have a couple more questions for you before I finish
JC: That's perfectly alright, fire away!
TLM: So what are your future plans for combating the lizard people?
JC: Well I have planned on making a new world government with me as the world president. I would bring in policies about every person in the world having their chips removed, set up roving death squads to combat the lizard people and I woud ban all music that doesn't involve singing about killing lizard people
And that was how I came to torture the Corr sisters.... I mean my interview with Jim Corr went!
Death to the Lizard People!