iPhone 5

A helping circulation of the crazy rumors, and half-truths of the iPhone 5.

The power of the iPhone 5.

Just The Facts

  1. Not really, really hard confirmed facts about this subject as the cunning men and women at Apple are keeping it under wraps.

Cameras & Elephant Screens

Alot of hype is going around about the iPhones new, supposed, 8-megapixel camera, one company has them beat though, Sony has already released a phone with a whopping 8.1 megapixel, probably boasting this while dancing and designing the PS12.

Whatever happens, it's gonna be awesome, it'll be even easier to take pictures of people we don't know and say they're our girlfriends/boyfriends, who also happen to live in Canada.


the screen is rumored to be increasing by five inches, now four inches from it's previous 3.5 inches, it's said to take up the whole front with screen, because who cares about cheeto dust on the screen, right?

The Fast And The Same Old Connection

Apple strangely isn't jumping on the 4G bandwagon just yet, so chances are the iPhone 5 will be 3G and still not enough to download all of that porn your friends suggested to you when they were drunk.

I couldn't exactly find a reason why they aren't, but I like to think it's something about monkey testing labs.

Or something.

The Glorious New Obsidian Casing

Oop, did I say Obsidian up there? I meant aluminum, this is why I failed the first grade, folks. The new rumored substance is apparently an unwelcome edition due to the love of the glass cases, there's probably a fetish for that, too.

But look on the bright side, it might be aluminum, but it's also more recyclable, and chicks dig recycling, right? Well, probably, but it's still better for the enviroment, there's also a rumor that Steve wants to up the 67% recyclablitily to 70%, because that's how he rolls in Jobsland.

Pictured Above: Jobsland

The fabled A5 chip and the iOS 5.0, the fuuuuture.

Apple is upgrading their iOS, rehauling it to be bigger and better, something some Smartphones already have them beat at, this fabled IoS 5.0 will contain a mighty notifcation system crafted by the proud dwarves of middle-earth, rumored to be of pure obsidian and a sleek, customizable lock-screen crafted by the great Elven crafters themselves.

Amidst the rumors, one particuarly interesting is the A5 chip, it's apparently available in the iPad 2, hailed to be the fastest, bestest, most wonderfulest chips in the business, it's two times larger then Nvidia's "Tegra 2", besides this difference they're pretty similar, high-definition video, clean audio/images, even a camera that can support up to 12 megapixels. The A5 also supports orgasmic graphics, and run faster then the "Tegra 2", up to three times faster.

Above: The Second Coming of Christ.

The Haunting Release Date

No ones really sure on this one, it might be sometime in June or July, to 2012. But what we can be sure on is that people are going to maul other people for these, just to touch it. The hype this phone causes would make you think it could heal your ailments if you so much as touch the hem of it's robe made of pure awesome.