To most, Roger Daltrey is the guy who sings the CSI intros. But to the rest of us, he is a god among men who fronts the loudest band in all rock history.
To begin, Roger Daltrey's awesomness began at birth.
The year was 1944, and even though those pesky Nazis already had their way with England four years before, Londontown was still on pins and needles for another sneaky attack, and that meant one thing: air raid drills.
It was during one such drill, blaring siren and all, that a pregnant woman by the name of Irene Daltrey went into labour...on February 29 aka Leap Day. Not wanting to be part of those unfortunate people who celebrate their birthday once every four years, the child soon to be known as the Original Golden God, held out inside his mother until 2am, 1 March, 1944 (March 1, 1944 for Americans).
As a baby, Roger perfected the "Nigga U Srs?" look
Little Roger, along with his parents, Harry and Irene, then his two younger sisters Gillian and Carol, lived the typical bland English life in Shepherd's Bush, a suburb on the Southwest side of London where Harry worked as a water closet manufacturer. (Basically he made toilets though my English to American English job descriptions are a bit iffy.) But this is the future lead singer of the Who we are talking about, and boring English life was not in this kid's system...even though he could get a brownie point for saying his dad made crappers for a living.
At the tender age of three, either because of doing dumb shit little kids are known for doing or proving his manliness early in life, Roger swallowed a rusty nail. Not just your standard, fresh from the hardware store, shiny Galvanized steel nail. No. Those are for the weak-minded nancy boys who become merchant bankers. So after eating said rusty nail and showing all the neighborhood tots who really had the cajones to do so, his parents flipped shit and rushed Roger to the hospital to have it removed. The surgery left him with a visible scar on his stomach, though later on he would probably tell all the girls in nursery school he was disemboweled by Jack the Ripper while saving one of his sister's dolls from an actual burning building.
This guy was torn in half by an ostrich and still nobody could believe it was real
Oh, but the story doesn't end there, my friends. Two years later, the rust that flaked off inside Roger decided to come back with a vengance and created a very painful ulcer. Once again, he was dragged off to the hospital, presumably saying: "Aww shit guys, I can handle this." So after cheating Death for the second time, the young Daltrey continued to live life the best a boy could during the 1950's...
Now in the English public school system, there are these tests called "eleven plus examinations" given to 11 year olds to determine their academic and vocational standing. Basically, these exams could be equivalent to the ACT given to fifth graders. Upon receiving the form, Roger decided to make that test his bitch, and you know what? Not only did he pass, he made the very top of his class.
Let me repeat: TOP. OF. HIS. CLASS.
And lo, Roger proved that you too can be blond and a child genius
With this brilliant mind, Roger was sent off to Acton County Grammar School, his parents hoping he would go on to college and be a doctor or a lawyer...you know, do something useful in life.
Litigators gonna litigate
But there was one small fault with this prodigy:
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW
*i'm tired as fuck*