Star Trek: Enterprise

The story of he very first Star Fleet vessel beginning its journey to explore the galaxy.

The characters

Captain Archer

Played by Scott Bakula. Archie is often considered a bit of a cowboy like Kirk but over time he actually improved and became a bit more like Sisko minus the constant insanity.

Ensign Hoshi Sato

She was the linguistics expert and acted as translator. She wasn't quite up to the task of space travel but she setlled into it. Oh and she learned awesome martial arts skills because she is Asian afterall.

She was played by Linda Park who dated Tom Hardy, as in the only person people genuinely liked in Inception as well as Shinzon (Star Trek: Nemesis).

Ensign Travis Mayweather

He worked with his family, hauling freight in a banged-up antiquated old ship. It makes it even more depressing that he is now helming one of the most advanced ships in the fleet which is still considered substandard by all the major species.

Lieutenant Malcom Reed

Coming from a long history of British Navymen, it wasn't easy to break tradition and enlist in star Fleet despite how similar they are. His postion on Enterprise, was tactical officer and he gererally kept a tight-run and was highly competant and efficent, on virture of being an English guy on Star Trek.

Smug English guy, yeah that's new.

Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker the third

A Southener working on the most advanced engine in the Fleet as engineer. He pretty much was like George Bush in space cept not as verbally retarded, but perhaps a little harsh cosdering he was a fairly good engineer. When Montogomery Scott complained about the engines being capable of taking no more, Commander Tucker was always pushing the engines beyond their capacities.


And they got Josh Brolin to play George W Bush instead of this guy...

Dr Phlox

A Denobulian physician who happened to be trained in psychology and various other fields in biology and medicine. He was generally upbeat and good at his job for the most part despite the continuing failure of Star Fleet to provide more able-bodied medics.

Sh*t eating grin.

Science officer T'pol

She was a Vulcan science officer assigned to serve aboard the Enterprise to monitor and repost back to the Vulcan High Command about what kind of f""k ups Archie was getting them all into. Like a lot of Vulcans she really couldn't stand humans because they smell and were too illogical. But over time and with some doing, she became accustomed to the ship and began to explore a lot of things that became repressed.

She gets more slutier as the show goes on.

Aside from the crew members there were a few reccuring characters worthy of mention

Commander Shran

He was played by Jeffrey Combs and was a Captain in the Andorian Imperial guard. He distrusted the Vulcans a lot and liked to shoot and hit things a lot. The only alien he mildy trusted was Captian Archer but that dodn't stop him from trying to smack around Archer when the excuse arose.

When being a blue humanoid alien wasn't associated with stupidity and sexyness...

...well at least they don't sparkle.

Ambassador Soval

A Vulcan ambassador assigned to Earth. He generally disliked Archer and didn't hold a fond view of humans, thinking they were too immature and reckless. As much as he tried to halt their space programme, it went ahead anyway. So after constant failed attempts at generally holding humanity back, he also began to realise that it might be time for humans make their own mistakes and that the Vulcans level of interference was getting a bit much.

Oh look. A Vulcan that treats humans with dissain. Like that isn't common...

The first two seasons

Virtually loathed by the fanbase for being retreading a lot of bad Trek plots such as having the ship captured or being mutated by some virus. Really it was just the same with a lot of the other Trek shows which failed to find their own direction.

The show really started to go into steep decline after the hated A Night in Sickbay, where Archie was acting like a real prick and preformed some stupid ritual involcing spouting gibberish and chopping wood.

Season 3: Here be dragons.

Ok now this is where they finnally roped in good writers and decided to create a season-long arc. This time Earth had been attacked and the aggressor group known as the Xindi, who came from a mysterious and deadly region of space known as the Delphic Expanse.

As usual, the Vulcans weren't wiiling to provide any real assistance and so Archer gave them the finger and appealed to Star Fleet. Admiral Forrest gave him the approval and thus it was time for payback.This time Archer was out to stop the Xindi through any means neccessary, which meant he got his ship absolutely armed to the teeth. Heck they even brought in non-Star Fleet personal who were a bunch of awesome commandos, also known as MAKO.

This season had more than just the action but it made diplomacy look absolutely cool. Not to mention some of the cast were actually allowed to progress with their character more.

But it was a bit of a risk as it required to view all the previous episodes to keep up, which is never easy in TV land , as the networks like to shift the shows around a lot.

Season 4: Appeasing the Fanboys

Even after the momentus Season 3, the show was circling cancellation. Finally, the fans stepped up and made an appeal which allowed for just one more season. Thus came the fourth and last season of Enterprise.

So after having a season-long arc they decided to explore some of the episodes and themes from The Original Series. But this was not merely a season of homages but also finnaly beginning to estabilish the foundations of the Federation and having Star Fleet step out from the overbearing watch of the Vulcans.

Of course the fans are never happy, so they accused the show of failing to do real exploration anymore. Instead they kept dealing with the same ol' species and interplanetary politics instead of "boldly going where no man has gone before".

The very last episode was very controversial for basicly being a holodeck recording aboard Picard's Enterprise.

All the other Trek shows (discluding the original) had a run of about seven seasons but poor old Enterprise only had about four. At first it was a very hated and despised show for being to stand-alone and not progressing in any real direction. But when they did it was all but too late.

Years later Trek fans have had a bit of a change of heart when it comes to this series. That could be down to a) the gradual decline of intelligent Sci-fi shows and b) J.J.Abrams dumbed-down epileptic mess of a movie.

Why Captain Archer is the best Star Fleet Captain.

  1. He was in a ship with vastly antiquated technology compared to the major races, thus his job was tougher. Picard on the other hand, commanded the flag ship of the Federation. Sisko got the crazy-powerful Defiant and Captain Janeway was in a region of space where the races were mostly less advanced then the Federation. Kirk was on some fair footing with his opponents, unlike Archie. All this meant that Archer couldn't just fire away, but he had to formulate unique plans and use ever nubulas resources at his disposal.
  2. Had to deal with the Temporal Cold war, happening centuries in the future. Again this added to his already difficult job, as he had to deal with tech and obstacles far beyond his own time. Yet he succeeded with all the minimal help he got. The only other Captain who comes close to dealing with temporal hijinks was Janeway, but she was closer to that future than Archie was.
  3. Was the very first and only ship out there, travelling the galaxy. Now that pretty much means he was on his own for the most part. Now the Vulcans were allies but rather unfriendly, unhelpfull ones, who did everything they could to halt the mission. Janeway might have been the only ship out there, oh no wait there was that other Federation ship out there, but she indirectly got that one destroyed.
  4. Archer can fight and win against multpile Vulcans. making him the best fighter. Heck he was doing better than T.Pol, an ACTUAL Vulcan . Now Picard could take on two Klingon Assasins and beat up a Romulan. Sisko could wrestle and beat Klingons and Kirk could er well Kirk had his own unique style. Now Archie is primarily known for getting beaten up but towards the end he gained enough skills to take on an augment unarmed and make him bleed! Kirk had to cheat and use some pipe.
  5. The only Star Fleet Captain with a dog. Ok, Picard's got a fishtank but dogs are way more useful. Archie's Beagle (Porthos) may not have saved the day but let's not forget that in the alternate timeline his dog becomes a freaking rotweiller!
  6. He became president. Sisko might have become an energy being, which is hard to compete against, but he kinda was one from the start so it's not really democratic. Janeway took up the job of Admiral, but then its still no dice to being the president.
  7. Archer had the Katra of Surak, the greatest Vulcan philopher ever. Picard only had a mind meld with Spock's dad whch doesn't come close. Archie was an alien who was chosen by one of the greatest thinkers in Vulcan history, let's not forget that Vulcans are slightly xenophobic. Sisko held the essence of some homicidal maniac so not much of a contest there.
  8. He is the best diplomat. Now surely he can't be better than the well-reasoned and well-spoken Picard? Well considering that he wa able to bring three races who generally couldn't see eye-to-eye, together at the same table says something. Although a mutual enemy helps, it should be noted that in a dispute, Archer was trusted by the Andorian Commander Shran for being just. Shran also happens to be quite belligerent and kinda xenophobic as well. Ok, Picard was arbiter over who became the next Klingon Chancellor but really only the strongest of the challengers would become chancellor and his role was just a formality. Let's not forget that Archer was able to win over most of the Xindi (the race that attacked Earth) into halting the launch of their weapon and even getting them to assist him. Then when he's dealing with the Tellarites he's rude and in-their-faces because that's how they roll. Plus he became an ambassador to Andoria to its clear he took up diplomacy as a line of work.
  9. He actually had actual military serving on the ship under him. Janeway had the Marquis working under her, but without Chakotay to back her corner, she would have been out the airlock. The fact that Archie has people with some real combat training, and not some Star Fleet "security" following him, makes him seem more pragmatic and awesome.
  10. Got his ship continually upgraded. Well because his ship sucked so much in the beginning, he was forced to get it beefed up substancially throughout the series. Virtually every weapons system on the Enterprise was substancially improved or replaced with something far better. Archie himself had made many recommendations to Star Fleet on how to turn their ships into arcs of war. Granted., Sisko was a chief enegineer behind the awesome Defiant, but that vessel was strictly for combat and he had a lot of time to design it before the war. Archer had to keep tweaking his ship despite threat after threat. Plus Sisko and Picard have both gotten their ships destroyed so at least Archer can keep his in one piece.
  11. He banged an Orion girl. Ok now Kirk was infactuated with one Orion girl but he never got to second base with her. The new Kirk almost banged an Orion girl but he got ejected from the room by Uhura. Picard never had the chance with an Orion girl and neither did Sisko. Either way he nailed one of the hottest races in the entire galaxy and was the first to do so.
  12. Captain Archer was referenced in the horrid new movie. Was Picard, Janeway or Sisko? Ok the movie was about Kirk but that's because the old Trek was the best known
  13. Archie can play water polo and does outdoor climbing. Janeway doesn't do much sport. Picard's hobbies are painting and reading old literature as well as the Holodeck. Sisko cooks and plays baseball...
  14. His uniform is more practical. It has pockets for one, loads and loads of pockets.
  15. Archer uses curse words. Nobody else has those kinda balls.
  16. He's actually prepared to torture people for information. Ok, so he's no Jack Bauer but he gets the info.
  17. He's an honary member of the Andorian Imperial Guard. Yep they're pretty xernophobic, even against the Aenar, who are a su-species.

Why Archer is the worst Star Fleet Captain.

  1. Went about annoying the Vulcans, Earth's ONLY real allies.
  2. He takes his dog on diplomatic missions. When his dog does do something wrong do you blame the dog or Archer?
  3. Just about the most wanted man in the Galaxy. The Klingon Empire wants him and so do the Orion syndicate.Seriously who lets a wanted man remain a Captain aborad a star ship?
  4. Thinks with his heart and not his head. He prematurely left the vicinity of Earth before his ship was ready and his proper crew was assembled just to do what HE thought was right, rather than adhere to Klingon customs or heed the advice of the Vulcans. It was dumb stuff like that which made him a wanted man. It just made him a rather reckless person in general.
  5. Not as cultured as other Captains. Well Sisko learned everything about Bajor and read novels. Kirk also read novels and so did Janeway even. And then there's Picard who takes the cake by reading old shakespearean literature and Moby Dick as well as being familiar with many other culutral idioms and customs, Archie can't even talk to his British tactical officer on anything meaningfull and tries to talk about sport.
  6. He gets captured and beat up to often. Like on a real regular basis. So the highet ranking member of the starship gets captured the most often.
  7. Doesn't know how to delegate dangerous or mundane tasks.It's particularly bad because a Captain is supposed to delegate tasks to his underlings rather than risk himslef all the damn time. That is why Picard, Sisko and even Janeway didn't go about on away missions so much, because they had a ship to run!
  8. He didn't have to deal with so many godlike aliens. He really only dealt with the Organians, and they were probably some of the nicest superbeings. Picard had to deal with all sorts and especially the Q. Janeway dealt with similar beings pretty much straight of the bat. Sisko was involved with from before he was born! Oh and Kirk takes the cake for having to deal with so many power-mad aliens and their mysterious powers.
  9. Didn't have to deal with alien/ AI crewman on his homogenous ship. He only had like two aliens on board and both were unusually receptive towards Human culture. But the rest of the captains had to command a crew who had a higher percentage of aliens.Kirk had at least Spock on the bridge but who knows how many other aliens were on his ship. Picard had to work with an android and the first Klingon officer, both of which were divided plenty of times over their affiliations. Then there was Sisko who had to deal with Bajoran crewmen who technically Star Fleet. Janeway had to deal with alien crewmen who they had only just encountered , a hologram and a Borg! Keeping crews like that in order is not an easy job.
  10. Didn't have so much red tape. Well because he didn't have the Prime or Temporal directive, he could generally do a lot more without reprimand. But the other Captains were risking a court martial on a fairly regular basis. Breaking the Prime Directive is never an easy thing but having the pressure of losing your career and such only adds to the tension. Archie gets to relax and pass it off as a "learning experience".
  11. He knew about Section 31 in it's early days and couldn't eradicate it. Mind you no other Captain has been able to nail them but Archer had a Section 31 agent working right under his nose. Perhaps he later began giving tacit approval of the organisation.
  12. Had to use those silly decontamination chambers. Where they had to wear minimal clothing and rub gel on each other. Now that might sound nice if it's all the opposite gender, but it isn't. In fact it's probably worse that they take to doing this in a unisex room; that's a lawsuit wating to happen.
  13. Wasn't the first candidate for Captain. The Vulcans recommended another Captain for the task which shows how much faith they have in him. Plus he has to take a forced leave of duty after he snapped at the Vulcans. Although he probably suffering post-traumatic-stress plus the guilt of doing so many immoral things other Captain, like Pircard, know how to conduct themselves in a hearing.
  14. He had too much pride and was too stubborn. At the risk of getting his men killed several times over, he many times denied taking aid from the Vulcans because of his ego among other things.