Batman Superpowers

Many people are under the impression that batman does not have super powers. However, he has something even better. FILES!

You don't dress like that without some seriously bad ass powers to back it up.

Just The Facts

  1. Batman has files. Millions of files. Theres a reason his bat cave is so big. He needs the extra space for his massive hard drive containing every piece of information on every topic ever.
  2. Batman's file's are the reason the moon orbits the earth.
  3. Some of batmans database was leaked, presumably by Robyn, uptight punk, and went on to form the contents of wikipedia.

The files of the bat.

The west wing of the bat cave.

The west wing of the bat cave.

Reaching a staggering 4.5million terabytes in size, batmans central database has information on every concievable topic. Before bringing any criminal to justice or dishing out a dark knight style ass whooping on some punk, batman consults his files. Before a fight with superman batman would look him up in the "batopedia" find his weakness is kryptonite and accordingly coat his little bat shurikens in the material and cut supermans little punk ass to shreds.

The hulk, batman has a file on him to. It reads as follows:

Hulk, a.k.a. Bruce Banner: Extremely dangerous. Approach with care. Do not engage in combat. Play Blue by Eiffel 56 on batmobile stereo. DO NOT PLAY ANY BACKSTREET BOYS AS THIS WILL CAUSE THE BEAST TO BECOME ENRAGED BEYOND ALL HOPE.

Batman would undoubtably kick Peter Parkers scrawny ass. His file follows.

Spiderman, a.k.a Peter Parker: Spiders natural predator= birds. See Birdman

Birdman: cell 555-740-9345 If confrontation occurs employ bat-shotgun.

So what if batman is jumped and doesnt have time to consult his immense batabase? Well, thats what his state of the art wifi suit is for, it just uploads any relevant data straight to him.

Now many may claim that a giant supercomputer with informational files is not a superpower, lets take a look at the entries for those that claim such a thing.

Doubter #1: deceased

Doubter #2: deceased

Doubter #3: deceased

Doubter #4: decease

The entry goes on like that for several hundred pages to doubter # 4789.

Don't be doubter #4790

Don't be doubter #4790.

So its safe to assume that batman will pretty much f*ck anyone up. Ever. Period.