Red Faction

Once upon a time someone played video games. Then they had the great idea of being able to destroy everything! AND do it on MARS.

Your thoughts during the Red Faction series.

Just The Facts

  1. Red Faction is a series of four games
  2. They are set on Mars, except for Red Faction II.
  3. No one likes Red Faction II

Cracked on Red Faction

Red Faction is set on Mars sometime around the year 2075. Earth is becoming more and more of a useless wasteland of nothing useful and people need the shit they are running out of. A lowly, downtrodden Earthling named Parker comes to work for the Ultor Corperation, which promises awesome advantages in the mines of Mars the same way every politican promises to never, ever raise taxes.

Or, Berlusconi promising no sex for a week.

However, it's obivious that Parker deserved it. He thinks Mars is a place of mystery or adventure. Unless your "mystery" is figuring out whos mining fatigues is whos or the "adventure" of taking a quick dump before your roomates come back, then yeah, he's right! I think the real mystery is who hired these voice actors--all of the Ultor guards have the same voice, and the fellow Red Faction members squeal like pigs with Down's Syndrome. Eos sounds like an old lady who runs a bookstore and Hendrix sounds like he's going to rape my children at the park--


Sorry, sorry! I think I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, what happens is that you are in the mines, instructed to return to your barracks when a miner and a guard get into a spat. After pour dialogue, you are then attacked and fired upon without warning. But, it's cool, you get a pistol and get to use it for the next one hundred game-hours! You also have to listen to old-lady Eos spout about the rebellion and fight off Ultor for no other reason than they are trying to kill you. Wander aimlessly for a few hours until you meet Hendrix. don't meet him, per se, more of he contacts you using some fancy Martian headset and tells you he wants in on the whole rebellion. No one knows why, but it is assumed it's because they cancelled Taco Tuesday in the offices.

Those bastards!

Hendrix then tells you (without a guitar) to get to the other Red Faction members and escape on a hijacked supply ship. Unfortunatly, you don't make it, which really becomes "fortunatly", because Ultor bombs it out of the sky. With a recent poll at the Cracked offices, 82% of people who have played Red Faction turned off the sound on their computer/TV by this point. Really, I can't blame them. All Hendrix has to say about over 9,000 Red Faction members dying by the Ultor antagonists is "Maybe being slow isn't that bad."

You do lose the plot for a while trying to get through all of the Ultor complex, you help a high raking Red Faction member named Orion kidnap an Ultor administrator named Gryphon. He tells you the cure for "The Plague". What? What do you mean "what Plague"? Oh, did you miss that part in the intro? I don't blame you. It was kinda added in as an afterthought, wasn't it.

Anyway, "The Plague" is Dr. Capek nanotechnolgy expirement he is putting the miners through without their knowledge, and it's the side effect of injections during yearly checkups. You know what? I kinda questioned why we were "rebelling" in the first place, but now those guys are just dicks. I'm sorry Parker and everyone at Red Faction. Here's one free internet for you guys.

This time, you actually meet the computer nerd Hendrix. It's not a shock he looks like some other black computer nerd from the Disney channel, which by the way has a better plot. Parker, with Hendrix and old-lady Eos take down Dr. Capek, which isn't easy, since he turned his nanobots into a shield from bullets and emotion.

It also keeps the fabulous in!

Well, you kill him. Good for you. HOWEVER, there is still the ensuing threat of Ultor, with their Space Station and laser grid. After Parker tells the Earth Defence Force that they need help, he was chosen (read, "bunny-up!") to go up into the Space Station and disable the laser grid. Since Hendrix is still on Mars, and he is the black computer nerd, Parker does the one cool thing in the whole game; he blows the station to hell.

Ultor, who now is really pissed that their shiny Space Station is raining down on the red surface of Mars, launch their last reserve of mecernaries to kill miners and destroy the Ultor plant to cover up any bad they have done. They would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddeling miners!

Oh yeah, old-lady Eos is tied up next to a bomb, Parker frees her, and he becomes a hero. That part didn't matter. The game was over once you kill the mecernary boss Masako.

Cracked on the other Red Factions

Red Faction II was the sequel of Red Faction, however doesn't include any charecters from the first game. Also, it isn't on Mars. You are part of a fellow group of supersoliders who are supposed to be hunted down and killed because Victor Sopot, the leader of The Commonwealth who created you, fears your power. You join the Red Faction (Version 2.0), who are just people who are fighting Sopot under that banner. It was critized for having a short story and no to limited online play, but critics apparently liked it anyway. Did I mention it's not on Mars?

Red Faction: Guerrilla is the third game in the series. It is set on Mars, about 2120, and you are Alec Mason, who comes to Mars to escape problems you encountered on Earth because of your toolbag brother. When you get there, he insists you join the Red Faction (Version 3.0) to fight against the Earth Defence Force, who now rule Mars for the benefit of Earth. The new-and-improved Geo-Mod 2.0 engine allows you to destroy building instead of rocks, but more on that later. With the help of the Nano technology made by Dr. Capek and the Mauraders, who are the desendance of Ultor scientists, you get to topple the oppressive imperalism forced upon you by Earth. This is easily the best game of the series.

Red Faction: Armageddon is the fourth and upcoming game in the Red Faction series. Set 50 years after the events in Guerilla, you are the grandson of Alec Mason and Samanya, who is trapped underground because of an alien meteorite damaging a massive terraforming machine on the surface, and you have to fight the alien mutations from that meteorite. It runs on Geo-Mod 2.5, apparently.

The Red Army Faction, sometimes called Baader-Meinhof Group should not be confused with Red Faction. They were a post-WWII communist terror group formed in West Germany to help them become communist and become part of East Germany. Theoretically, they got their wish, but Germany became a democracy. This group is famous for causing "German Autumn" in 1977. In 1998, the group declared themselves no more.

Red Fraction is a single by I've Sound singer Mell. It sounds like a typical Japanese song, and if you get this confused with Red Faction, you deserved to be bludgeoned with a tire iron, or by a New Jersey grindcore band. Your choice.
with a tire iron.

The Geo-Mod

Since the dawn of Pong, man has wished for a video game with realistic environments, where if you shoot a rocket at a watertower, that fucker crashes upon the Earth (in this case, Mars) with thunderous aplomb. Geo-Mod, first shown in Red Faction, is the engine that allows you to burrow underneath rocks and walls, or to break the environment to force your enemies to fall to their death.

Or to make stone pillars totally useless.

As cool as it was, people laughed at the fact that lobbing rockets in an office cubicle was left unscathed while blasting at rocks was all the more damaging. Red Faction and Red Faction II ran on this engine.

Then a few years later, Voltion created the RED Engine (for Realtime Environment Destruction), and they decided that it would so much cooler to call it Geo-mod 2.0. And it is, because Geo-mod 2.0 allows you to wreck buildings and topple towers with a sledgehammer and explosives.

Red Faction: Armageddon, like I said earlier, runs on a Geo-Mod 2.5 engine, which means you wreck buildings like 2.0, but it isn't improved enough to be called Geo-Mod 3.0. How sad.