Toes

The smelly relatives of fingers, toes are feared by many and loved by few.

These toes were forced to watch Glee while resting on the coffee table

Apparently this comes from a factory where Fritos are made by enslaved toes.

Toe condoms are always bad news.

Just The Facts

  1. The word toe doesn't come from the latin word for smelly grape, but it should.
  2. Toes are usually attached to feet which can be smellier than the human poop chute.
  3. Without toes you would fall flat on your face much like a G.I. Joe action figure after being tipped by your index finger.

Smell

The reason that toes, much like the rest of the foot, become smelly is because they can house different kinds of bacteria. Two of these bacteria, corynebacteria and micrococci, will take a vacation in the spaces between your toes. While comfy in between your tootsies, they will feast on salts and minerals generated by your body. At this point they will be enjoying a sweat buffet at your expense and will give you their thanks by dropping a stink pickle right on the spot, proving that in nature some organisms ARE willing to shit where they eat. As with any other place that is used like a septic tank, these little fuckers will make anyones feet smell like a trucker's ass crack after Sloppy Joe Tuesday at Dennys.

On the left: Shit flavored tic-tacs known as corynebacteria. On the right: Micrococci, which sounds like the micro-cocky little bastards that they are.

Sexuality

There is a sub-culture of folks who have different fetishes and while here at Cracked.com we try to keep an open mind, it's hard to imagine why someone would be driven to become a slave to such an odd body part.

Are you wondering if she goes toes to mouth?

Even the "pretty ones are gnarly if you look closely enough:

We made the mistake of going on youtube and searching for any indication that there might be a sub-culture of freelance toe fetishists and were very disturbed to find many many videos that were more fit to brazzers than to youtube. In this next clip you can watch and cringe as a man resembling a Cro-magnon attempts to either freshen his breath or get his rocks off by licking, sucking and drooling all over some sleeping chick's toes.

So many questions...Who the hell sleeps through that? Was she given a foot ruffie? Is there a legion of foot rapists out there we don't know about? Why is this on youtube? The fact that some folks are turned on by sucking on an unconscious person's toes leaves much to be wondered. Would it be a turn off for "Cro-Magnon guy" there if she woke up? Does it seem wrong that on youtube you can find videos of Dora the Explorer AND videos of toe sucking foot fiends? If the trend continues youtube will go from "Charlie bit my finger" to "Charlie bit my toe, then sucked it while he orgasm'd".

Final Verdict: Are toes cute or ugly?

Unless your hobby is actually finding "cute" toes to spank your monkey off to, you'll find that coming across ugly-ass toes and feet is very easy. To prove our point, we'll post a few of the first images that show up on google images while typing "toes" on the search menu.

The ugly, yet to the point Fuck you middle toe.

Horrific mutant baby toes...knwn to nerds as polydactyly. That's a lot of y's.

Jesus H. Christ it looks even worse in adults.

This last one looks like some sort of Eastern European dish.

In Closing:

It has been proven through research that more often than not toes are smelly and gross looking. Thank you for the memories (nightmares) google images. Whether you love them or hate them, you have to admit, it takes a very special kind of person to have such a devoted affinity to one body part.

I'd love your toes with some fava beans and a nice chanti, ftftftftftft.