Seattle
Seattle is easily overlooked... and rightfully so
Just The Facts
- According to the New York Times: Seattle Woman have a 2 to 1 ratio of breast to waist size.
- Although boasting a higher than average suicide rate, Seattle actually benefits by forcing the creeps and wierdos to off themselves and save everyone else the trouble...
- Seattle is home to many world famous names, such as: Brendan Fraser, Ted Bundy, one of the chicks from Rules Of Engagement and Sir Mix-A-Lot
Who?
Seattle! A city steeped in history and meth.
A city who lost it's basketball team to the 24/7 rager that is the state of Oklahoma.
Seattle has gone through times both good and bad, black and white, right and wrong. Named after a Native American Chief, but raised as a home to over-inudlgent Amreican's, Seattle has given just as much as it's taken away.
Read on to learn more...
What?
Seattle's primary exports are Micro-Processor's, seafood, condoms and apples. Imports consist mostly of Chinese people stowing away in cargo holds.
The population is approximately 85 percent Asian, 10 percent white and 5 percent degenerate.
Seattle prouldly gives the world Airplanes, Windows and the Amazon. It is also responsible for Grunge, Hendrix and a rom-com starring Tom Hanks.
Where?
Located at 47 degrees north and 122 degrees west, if you reach the water, you've gone too far.
When?
Seattle was originally an Ancient city of barefoot cavemen, who utilized dinosaurs and other creatures to create ingenious contraptions for everyday life. The remains of one such ancient child were found next to a giant club perfectly preserved.
After the dinosaurs went extinct following the first alien invasion, Seattle was destroyed and many of it's citizens died out as they were simply unable to exist without the dinosaurs. Along the way these cavemen had befriended an advanced race of space-living people who instead of saving them, simply flew away in their flying cars with their eccentric housekeeper-robot.
A new city was errected, very similar to the current state of Seattle around 4,000 BC, by a group of unknown, but advanced people. Unfortunately some dipshit brought the thunder down and a biblical flood wiped out any trace of the city. Meanwhile some dude filled his giant boat with animals instead of saving any of these very advanced people...
Thousands of years later a group of people orginally called Indian's, but eventually known as, Native American's would play a great role in the heritage of Seattle. Confined to ever shrinking spaces and plagued by disease, fat white men settled in Seattle and took the reins.
A minor fire, a worlds fair and a cindarella run in the 1995 ALCS has left Seattle in the position it is in today. Gray and rainy.
Why?
Why not?
I've lived in Seattle all my life, and although parts of this article gave me a chuckle, it's 90% b.s. I've traveled all over the U.S. and Seattle is by far the most beautiful city. Yeah the people can be moody and passive aggressive, but your jokes about Seattle lack relevancy. Meth is only a problem in the suburbs, which are s**t holes. Seattle proper is more about Marijuana. And you should probably spell check yourself before you insult a city of intelectuals online. "over-inudlgent Amreican's"? Really? Inudlgent? Hmmm. If you meant Indulgent, that still would make no sense. Most Seattle-ites are conscious of purchasing local products and are environmentally aware of their effect on the Earth. And you should also learn about proper punctuation.
ReplyMake fun of us all you want. As long as idiots like you stay away from here, I'm happy.
Agreed! I grew up in Western Washington and Seattle's always been one of my favorite cities in the country.