Scandals

There is something facinating about watching a powerful politician throw away a carrer, a family and the respect of a nation for sex. Let’s take a look at the top five sex scandals of the elite.

Clarence Thomas-It's huge, he swears!

That tie has sexual predator written all over it.

During Thomas's confirmation hearing a previous assistant of his, Anita Hill, claimed that while she worked for Thomas he made passes at her, spoke lewdly and even commented on the length and girth of his judicial rod. He went so far as to suggest bestiality and rape. I find this passage from Ms. Hill's deposition both bizarre and strangely arousing-

"One of the oddest episodes I remember was an occasion in which Thomas was drinking a Coke in his office. He got up from the table at which we were working, went over to his desk to get the Coke, looked at the can and asked, "Who has pubic hair on my Coke?" On other occasions, he referred to the size of his own penis as being larger than normal, and he also spoke on some occasions of the pleasures he had given to women with oral sex."

So, what happened to Thomas?

Nothing! Apparently being unable to distinguish between a workplace and a strip club do not in any way hamper judicial thinking.

Ted Haggard. Hates gays, loves Bush.


He even LOOKS creepy.

While not a politician in his own right, Haggard was an evangelical Christian who held the ear of President Bush (SR) in his sweaty priests' hands. He believed strongly that prayer should be allowed in schools and that God is a male homophobe. The nation watched popcorn in hand, as delicious male prostitute Mike Jones appeared on Larry King alleging that the Pastor was fond of both man on man sex and crystal meth.
Jones felt he had to come out with the nearly three year affair because Haggard was pushing for a ban on same sex marriage and the hypocrisy offended him.
So, what happened to Pastor Ted? He was kicked out of the church and entered therapy. He eventually admitted to the affair, saying that he was 'heterosexual with issues.'

Chuck Robb-Love Tai!

Not the Senator.

Senator Robb spent some time alone with Miss Virginia, naked, drinking champagne and having a nude massage. That's all that happened, he swears. Miss Virginia, Tai Collins, recalls instead a scandalous eighteen month fully on sexual contact affair while Robb was governor of Virginia. We know this for a fact because she chose to reveal this information in the highly vetted publication "Playboy." You may not have heard of said publication, but I understand that, like Robb, it's interested in helping young ladies have more productive lives.
So, what happened to Robb? He was soundly reelected! Proving once again that we love our dirty old bastards and the shenanigans they get up to.

Warren G. Harding-Closet loving Britton.

Sex Machine

Okay, so it's not exactly a brand new scandal, but it has all the interesting tid bits we like to hear.

Nan Britton, the daughter of one of Harding's friends, was obsessed with him at a young age, pasting pictures of him on her walls. Warren, being a man of the people, immediately took advantage of the nubile young teenager, and even fathered a child with her. Britton later published a tell all book shortly after Harding's death, titled "The President's Daughter" referring, of course, to Britton and Harding's Child.

So, what happened to Harding? According to some, his wife was so furious over his many affairs that she poisoned him, causing his death.

Mayor James West-Boy Scouts and child molesters.

That looks painful.

Mayor James West was outed as a gay man when journalists found his profile on gay. com, with the amusing handle Cobra82. West was almost immediately linked to a fellow police officer who was accused of child molestation and of sexual contact with members of a Boy Scout troop. In this case, however, the fiction quickly took over the fact. West was later proven not to have engaged in any sexual contact with a child. Journalists eager to pillory the Senator had falsely accused him on flimsy evidence. Basically, the guy was just gay, and, really, there's nothing wrong with that.
So, what happened to West? Five months after the FBI cleared him of all charges, he died of pancreatic cancer.