Whether taking an all-time classic out of the obscurity that the passage of time has bestowed upon it, or taking a movie out of the hands of people who refuse to shoot it in English, we have come to not only tolerate but heartily encourage the insanely rapid production of US remake movies.

Remakes of absolutely anything join the plethora of situational romantic comedies, movies based on novels and comics and movies about innercity kids dancing/fighting/singing/rapping/fucking their way out of poverty, a group that has cemented itself as Hollywood's major league.

Any country is fair game when it comes to someone from a big production company looking for the talent, though continental Europe and East Asia (especially Japan, double especially J-Horror) seem to be the popular kids at a school run by Hollywood. It would appear to be part of the process and progression of globalization. Movies need to be globalised. A French movie cannot be fully appreciated until it has been globalized, like seriously, 100% Nagasakied with globalization. Because nothing says globalization like America just stepping in and Americanizing the shit out of anything surrounding the country. Even Canada is not American enough (which is why this is happening).

The face of World Cinema.

Examples of remakes based on non-American films include:

• Le Diner de Cons (France)- Remade into Dinner for Shmucks
• The Ring (Japan)
• Infernal Affairs (Hong Kong) - Remade into The Departed
• A Tale of Two Sisters (South Korea) - Remade into The Uninvited
• Everybody's Fine (Italy)
• Let the Right One In (Sweden) - Remade into Let Me In
• Nine Queens (Argentina) - Remade into Criminal
• Taxi (French) - Remade with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah (The. Best. Remake. Ever)

Another type of remake is the gobsmackedly popular remake of old American classics. Films like Ocean's Eleven, King Kong and the Italian Job. American Horror films are also faptastic choices for the remake treatment.

And rest assured, It's not just Hollywood that does this. There's also Bollywood and a few movies from far away places, movies you probably haven't heard of anyway.

Films are expensive to make, and the uncertainty as to whether or not a specific original film will make a sizeable profit is of massive concern for those individual whose only objective is to make money and nothing else. So it's just easier to find a movie that's already been made, was a success at the time, and remake it. People are going to watch it, whether it's to compare it to the original, because of the hype or because they're bored and it stars Angelina Jolie.

And as for foreign films, if a movie from Brazil or France managed to make a sizeable impact on a global scale, and achieved it with the goddamn subtitles, just imagine it with Brad Pitt in the leading role.... Just imagine it with Brad Pitt and no subtitles.

Furthermore, people don't want to really go into a cinema and find they're reading the whole time.That's what books are for, and nobody reads books. I think.

So remakes are basically the win for everyone, except your conscience. You should feel bad knowing you've watched a mutulated version of some Italian guy's movie.

Though seriously. America just has that colloquialism which is pretty much irresistable, like anything with a vagina on a night of fully engaged binge drinking (If you're a guy. If you happen to be female then Mills and Boon or a Jane Austen novel or something...fuck). Their movies are funnier because of it. They're also more familiar and thus less threatening.

Too British. Dwight is better by default.

Furthermore, the suspense in a thriller or action is not hindered by SUBTITLES.

That's what they're calling it now. Because plagiarism is not that an attractive word when marketing the shit out of your Brad Pitt leading remake. And yeah, you could say those executives at Fox or Mirimax paid for the rights. But it's still kinda plagiarism.

And furthermore, what's that say about aspiring filmmakers from abroad: that their only aspiration be that their first film they ever manage to make will eventually be reimagined into an American film starring Brad Pitt. Would a film maker from Italy feel bad if her movie wasn't even considered for a remake starring Charlie Sheen by any major or minor US studio?

This is a sweet fucking picture of him back when he was doing Rambo.

Rather than acknowledging and celebrating a film like King Kong with maybe a TV special or DVD documentary, some people rather praise a classic by just remaking it. Classics need to be remade. And everybody thinks it's a good idea. Rather than spending time on creating an original, entertaining, thoughtful piece of celluliod, some people in the film industry just think about how awesome it would be to remake some film that was awesome 60 years ago (amongst finding comic book heroes, bestselling novels and things to remaster and rerelease). That's pretty much the thing to do. Why not remake something that was outstanding on its own and sell it to an audience whom wouldn't bother watching the original because it was in black and white and the people behaved and spoke strangely.

Too weird for today's audience.

It's become ingrained in our collective conscience. Nobody can get enough of it. We can't help when thinking of any old favorite how mind blowing it would be if it were maybe remade. Producers, executives, directors, writers, actors and actress' freaking love the idea of remakes. Even Madonna wants to make one.

Just look at this list, and this one. And this.

Seriously. Just type any famous movie into Google along with the word remake and you're bound to find something on the subject. Go ahead, type in Madonna + Casablanca or Michael Bay + Rosemary's Baby. Type in Colin Farrell and Total Recall. Even really mediocre movies are getting the remake treatment, like this piece of shit.

This is not an exaggeration intended for comedic effect. Almost any movie. If you were to type in a movie followed by remake you will come across a link taking you to either:

• An article or comments page discussing how awesome it would be if such a movie were reinvented.
• An article about the rumour of a possible remake.
• An article highlighting intentions of a reinvention.
• The announcement that a re-thingy is going to be made. No matter what.
• That production on the reimagining is fully underway.
• See it at a theatre, anywhere in the world.

And this won't let up. Movies are going to keep on coming up and eventually we'll see movies like Inception being remade (well, most of us will be senile by then)

Type in Jaws, type in Back to the Future. Type Godzilla (How many of these movies have there been?)

With reality TV and the rehashing of other stuff passed off as entertainment, who the hell can predict what the future generations will consider entertainment.

Although thought to be near impossible and bloody difficult to achieve, it's actually very simple and easy, with no real effort exerted whatsoever. All you need to do is go deep enough... like three layers or something (it's possible, though still in theory that the layers of a remake could actually just keep going on, feeding itself on a recursive loop, a never-fucking-ending downward spiral, until the end of time. Remakes within remakes have been done before and it won't be long until another Let Me In, The Ring or The Fly is made).

It's a metaphor. The Remake is that vertigo guy going through a freaking vortex. Oh yeah, this is totally being remade.

There might come a time where the boundaries between both novel and film and in turn original and remake/reimagining/renovation/reconstructing/PLAGIARISM will be contorted and destroyed. A time where the general public won't even consider the fact that any US film could be based upon something else, especially if that something else is non-American. A world where film makers from anywhere other than the US will have no other course but to have their local actors and actress' put on Americanized accents and film in a location that looks Americanish, just so that it can look a proper movie.

Let's face it. You can't argue with capital, profits and hard filthy cash. It's the circulation of wealth, an intricate, interconnected, complex system of demand and supply that spans the entire globe. The more you put in, the more Snooki and The Situation and you get out.... and a whole bunch of other stuff like better standards of living and education. As discussed in another article, because the public of today are making supercomputers and artificial black holes and, um, shit like that, they're not going to care whether or not the movie they get to watch in their spare time is a remake/sequel/reboot/adaptation/re-release.

After this and Bridalplasty, what the fuck are our grandkids going to watch while going on space odysseys, killing replicants and other shit I'd expect in the distant future.

So by that rationale, producers are not going to give a shit about original artsy stuff, because why take the time and effort to create something original when you can just take something that's already been made. And why take the chance on something original when you're more sure of the monetary implications of a movie staring everybody in the face.

Type in Taxi Driver and remake. Do it.