Disney Heroines

It's always the nonprincesses that never get any of the glory. tsk tsk. Top 7 on the best female leads of Disney

what a dreamer. changing species.

pink, blue, pink, blue, pink- pick a damn color already!

the OG of disney princesses

Just The Facts

  1. Disney heroines are usually princesses
  2. The princesses are stupid
  3. It's the girls who AREN'T bubble-headed twits that make shit happen

#7 Belle

Name: Belle

Age: Probably 16 (I mean, aren't they all in Disney?)

Movie: Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Why She's Awesome:

Belle makes being a smart, empathic book worm look cool. She's knows what she wants, she loves her dad, and she's not going off marrying princes she's only met for a day. She's also not shallow. She's willing to give Beast a chance even though he looks like a wildebeest. It's not what's on the outside that matters, it's what it's on the inside. Unless the inside is ugly too, then you can just forget it.

Disney Angry Staring Contest! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand GO!

#6 Lilo

Name: Lilo (and some Hawaiian surname)

Age: I wanna say five...maybe eight

Movie: Lilo and Stitch (2002)

Why She's Awesome:

Lilo is your average little girl: She has a slight obession with Elvis, she fights with her sister, she has a weird self-made doll (which she pretends had roach eggs in the brain to come up with an excuse of why its head is so big. truthfully it looks like chucky incarnate), has no friends, and has an alien for a "pet dog". Oh, and she also thinks that hiding in a dryer is a good idea. It's not, for the record.

I digress. She is one of the most intelligent youngsters Disney has ever created. She's totally unique (reference that doll), and she's not afraid to show it. She doesn't have to pretend she's anyone else or to please anyone (...this means you Cinderella...you too Alladin you're not excluded just because your a boy). Lilo does her and you can't help but respect that.

it's so weird, it's cute.

#5 Megara

Name: Megara (friends call her Meg. at least they would if she had any friends.)

Age: Twenty? Maybe she's like Juila Stiles, young but acts really mature. Who knows.

Movie: Hercules (1997)

Why She's Awesome:

Meg has a past. She was with this guy who was going to die, so out of the goodness of her heart, she sold her soul to Hades (James Woods...somehow that's appropriate). The guy leaves her to go be a manwhore and she's left in Hades' servitude for life. Hades' brilliant plan is to have Meg seduce Hercules (not hard because he's totally sprung) and she ends up falling for him. The most excellent part is that he risks his own life to save Meg just like she risked hers for his. All is well.

Meg is a caring, giving, and most sarastic chick ever. I'd get along with her for sure. She has her own lingo and she's a guy's gal. She's sexy, but not over the top (*cough cough* Ariel and Jasmine *cough cough*), and she she's a relaxing person. You don't have to try hard with her, which makes her amazing.

you can't tell me you don't want that. that's 100% greek woman right there

#4 Captain Amelia

Name: Captain Amelia

Age: Maybe thirty? Thirty-five tops.

Movie: Treasure Planet (2002...also one of the best Disney soundtracks since Tarzan of that time)

Why She's Awesome:

Remember how Keira Knightly's character became a Captain in Pirates of the Carribean 3? She's like that, but with more authority and poise. Also, she's a cat/human alien thing, which gives her some Catwoman cred. She knows how to tell people what to do, gives respect and how to give it back, take control of an impossible situation, and she also married a dork. This is someone you want with you when an entire Planet O Treasure is going to blow up.

i told you not to steal her catnip.

#3 Dory

Name: Dory

Age: Who cares? She's a fish

Movie: Finding Nemo (2003)

Why She's Awesome:

Talk about overcoming any obstcale. Dori suffers from shorterm memory loss. It usually lasts for a few seconds before she completely forgets whatever she was doing/saying. With the help of Marlin (the unfunny clownfish) she gets better at memorizing things. Case in point:

P. Sherman

42 Wallaby Way Sydney.

Anywho, she's also an accomplished (ish) linguist. She can speak whale and she can read English. She's a lot smarter than people give her credit for and somehow that's a good thing. She can totally suprise you by knowing random things ("whales dont eat clownfish, they eat krill" "SWIM AWAY!" "oh look! krill!"). Dory is also highly optimistic. She'd be an awesome mom (except for that whole short term memory thing)

aw, his teeth aren't that sharp

#2 Elastigirl

Name: Helen Parr

Age: Midthirties-early forties

Movie: The Incredibles (2004)

Why She's Awesome:

She makes other housewives look like shit. Helen Parr is the very definition of flexible. She creates a safe (ish), happy home and saves the world on a daily basis. She also has to deal with Violet and her teen angst, Dash and his need for speed, and the spawn of satan Jack-Jack (i love Jack-Jack.). Like Captain Amelia, she's someone you'd want around in a do-or-die situation.

the fact that she's also a total milf makes her that more cool

#1 Mulan

Name: Fa Mulan (or if you wanna be stupid Mulan Fa)

Age: Again, I'm going to assume 16

Movie: Mulan (1998)

dont be fooled. everything she's wearing she can be turned into a weapon of mass destruction in her hands

Why She's Awesome:

Mulan: Tomboy (ish), unacceptable bride, a walking dishonor upon her family. She turned all that around and saved one of the largest countries in the world with fireworks, sashes, one cannon, and a minute talking dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy. Can you pull that off? I didn't think so. Sure she doesn't save the world like Elastigirl and she's not dating a demigod like Megara, but she's probably the bravest of all of these. She risked getting her head sliced off to save her father from dying in the war by impersonating a male. She became determined to be an excellent soldier and she was. She defeated 98% of the Hun army via cannon/avalanche. She also (with the help of her almost-should-be boyfriend Shang, and three dorks dressed as concubines) faced off with the leader of the army, Shan Yu. She blew his ass to bits (destroying a wing of Mr. Miyagi's palace...btw, he's the emperor), restored her family's honor, AND became a national hero. I swear if she were in our military force there would be no war left unwon.

take that prissy disney princesses. you got a prince, but i got honor