Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O'Donnell has been many things over her career. But many people--hold on a second. This dude had a career!?!

When did my nightmares start hosting a talk show?

Just The Facts

  1. Rosie O'Donnell used to be a successful stand-up, proving that the '80s were fucking stupid.
  2. She was in a few movies that were pretty okay, despite her best efforts to destroy all things good and wholesome.
  3. During the '90s, she thought she was Oprah, which she very well could have been. Not being feeble-minded kettle-heads, we didn't watch either show.
  4. Now she just goes around yelling at people like some crazy person.


Rosie O'Donnell was a stand-up comic of modest success, back when any idiot who noticed a difference between white people and black people was given a microphone.

Black people are all like this.

Probably due to the .35 blood-alcohol level she inherited from her father, Ed McMahon's daughter saw her at a club in Long Island (further proof that it is, in fact, Hell), and decided that it was time for comedy to die a horrible, crushing death. She was hooked up with McMahon, who put her on Star Search. Thus began the downfall of television.

It's all this asshole's fault, God rest his soul.

Not yet having sucked all the good out of the world, she parlayed her appearances on Star Search into a series of failed, crappy sitcoms.


The following is a list of movies she did that range from not entirely sucking to being pretty decent.

Four movies? Actually, it's only three. Sleepless in Seattle is tollerable only if it gets you laid.

Plus, The Flintstones, while not that bad of a film, did murder the image of America's second hottest cartoon character.

Oh, and then there was this:



Rosie also had a daytime talk show, which was really shitty, because, you know, day time talk show and all. During that time, she came out of the closet, which was no surprise to anyone, anywhere.

Then she was on The View. Also, no one cared, except for Donald Trump and Barbara Walters. Aside from pissing off powerful people, and despite the news trying to make a big deal out of this, once again, no one cared.

What is she up to now? Probably dead. If so? No one cares. Seriously. Go away!

Dead. Or, probably not. Seriously, who the fuck cares?