Rolling Stones

The Rolling Stones are an English rock group that came to life in 1962, and have since been one of the most influential, and musically progressive bands this side of the "British Invasion".

I can't get no... no mo' acid (cause that fucker Charlie Watts ate it all)!

Occasionally, The Stones found it necesarry to pretend to worship satan and do drugs and other weird shit...come on, it was the 60's, what else was there to do?

Just The Facts

  1. They are a Jazz & Blues inspired band from the U.K.
  2. Known for their diverse canon, The Rolling Stones have had hits in every decade since the 60's; understandably, they have sold a FUCKLOAD of records.
  3. Some people remember the band most for their "rock and roll" lifestyle, whide included tripping balls all the time.

The Rolling Stones

Despite being named the "Rolling Stones", most of these guys were pretty spiffy characters; that is, before rock&roll became "rebellious" and "sexual" (what ELSE could "satisfaction" mean when you're 22 years old?). Most would argue that the early sixties were all "Ozzie and Harriet"; then God must have pushed a "What_The_Fuck" button or something, because things became quite...groovy.

Rolling Stone Magazine

Rolling Stone is a magazine published in the United States; if you are having trouble finding it at your local bookstore or library, look under B for "Bullshit".

The magazine may have its roots in rock history, but many would argue that the magazine has lost a substancial amount of credibility for being biased toward what they consider "timeless". Even if they might not think that "Sgt. Pepper's" was the best album ever created, they will always say so, because god forbid that somebody not overrate the fucking beatles.


First, let's meet these Limeys that I hear in the soundtrack to all those movies about Vietnam...

Mick Jagger: Let's just say he's got a unique look...Mick started out in Economics, but he decided to drop as soon as he realized that girls in England would literally beg for your dick if you sing and are over 5'8 (sorry, Ringo). As soon as 1964 polls recognized Mick & the gang as more popular than the Beatles, they released their first international single, "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)."

Keith Richards: If the crypt keeper: A, was English, B, had a creepy earring and C,Could play guitar, it would probably be something like Keith. Despite looking like your traditional Methadone enthusiast, Keith has shown his guitar chops on many tracks, influencing many people to play Stratocasters and not give a fuck about anything (I'm looking at you, John Mayer...just get a real job and comb your hair, asshole.)

The rest of the gang aren't too important...but you should know that one guy died or something...that must have been rough.


Of course everyone knows "Satisfaction", and probably "Wild Horses" or some shit, but much of the granduer of the Stones can be overshadowed by their immense cultural impact. Take for instance this proverbial continuum:

Rolling Stones: 1964- Everything is fine and dandy for the most part; maybe they would smoke a little hash now and again. No notable hits, really; preppy English stuff.

Aftermath: 1966- Mick brings the real shit this time, singing about smacking bitches up (Under My Thumb), smoking weed (Lady Jane), smackin' more bitches (Stupid Girl) and more weed (High and Dry).

Their Satanic Majesty's Request: 1967- Alright, hang on a second: what the fuck are you talking about, Rolling Stones? These guys must have just spread mescaline on their toast or something. Good night!!!

Beggars Banquet: 1968- Alright, now we've got satan worship (Sympathy For The Devil), killing some chick with a knife or something (Dear Doctor) and some bullshit about vietnam ("Gimmie Shelter"-once again, it's condoms, lots of "protests").

Let It Bleed: 1969- The Rolling Stones accomplished it: they outcreeped themselves. Let It Bleed's eponymous title track refers to bleeding into a Heroin needle, and then reinjecting yourself with MORE heroin afterwards. Oh, and Mick Jagger says to "come all over me" and to do "coke" with him. Are you okay, buddy? You need to talk to someone?

Sticky Fingers: 1971- As any male under the age of 40 will tell you, naming something "sticky" and adding anything that has to do with hands or fingers to the end of it will MOST likely sound like a reference to semen; and with the horror that was Let It Bleed, you just kinda have to ask yourself...are these guys seriously revered as some of the founders of modern rock and roll? Another tune, Brown Sugar, talks about normal early 1970's shit, like statutory rape, tasting it with your fingers, yadda yadda... Sister Morphine also addresses that whole unfinished "Heroin" guise prevoiusly stated in Let It Bleed.

Goat's Head Soup: 1973- Despite having a rather...stupid title, the album was not as weird and shitty sounding as most their other stuff. In fact, Angie seems to a lovely ballad about some--oh---okay, nevermind, it's just about some hooker; forget what I said.

Tattoo You: 1981- One more album you should be familiar with is Tattoo You; not because it's a particularly good album, it's just funny to say "Start Me Up"! at people in traffic to fuck with them.

1981-Present: Who Gives A Shit?