Jared Lee Loughner

Jared Lee Loughner shot up a Safeway in Tucson, Arizona on January 8, 2011. People have been asking why ever since, while ignoring the obvious answer of "BECAUSE HE'S CRAZY".

Because that's the face of a guy who obviously has a sound political stance.

Just The Facts

  1. Jared Lee Loughner was a troubled 22 year old now known for the attempted assasination of Representative Gabrielle Giffords.
  2. By now, everyone has some sort of theory on why he did it, and the vast majority of them are stupid.
  3. Watch. We're gonna make it through this entire Topic Page without mentioning Sarah Palin once. Well, except for right there.

The Most Likely Explanation Is That There Is None.

On January 8, 2011, after taking time to write a rambling post on Myspace about illiteracy and the unemployment rate and getting stopped (and allowed to proceed) after running a red light, Jared took a taxi to a Safeway where Representative Giffords was holding a constituents meeting. He then opened fire on the crowd, killing 6 and wounding 14 others. Thus more or less begins and ends all of the facts we the public know of the event in question.


Well, except for the fact that Jared is an ugly motherfucker.

That, of course, hasn't stopped everyone from spouting off their dumbass opinions. Pundits attempting to tie-down Jared's politics one way or the other reached the sort of fever pitch where fake, politically-based Facebook profiles were popping up after his official profile was scrubbed by the site, because the internet is full of horrible, horrible people. Even an unverified nobody managed to make herself and her Twittr feed newsworthy, out of what we can only assume was a drive for the truth rather than a publicity stunt that paid off with contact from Good Morning America.

And it wasn't just political pundits and jerks on the internet. The Washington Post ran a column by Weather Underground founder Mark Rudd for some reason and Barbara Walters used it as an excuse to trot out her old "How To Tell If Your Kid Is A Murderer" routine, including the testament of a psychiatrist expert who posited gems of wisdom such as:

"There are, in retrospect, often many warning signs. But those same signs can be seen in many many people who never go on to commit anything like this..."


Well, when you put it that way...

All this, to explain the motivations of a guy that, the day before the shooting, dropped off a roll of film at Walgreens in which he posed with his gun in a bright red g-string, pressing the gun against his naked buttocks.


This guy. In a g-string. Thank you, internet, for not posting those photos.

It's even been suggested that Jared was pretending to be crazy in order to plea Not Guilty By Reason Of Insanity in court, ignoring the fact that there's no such thing in Arizona anymore. Chances are much better the guy isn't pretending a goddamn thing.

The YouTube Profile

People have been making a massive deal over this as some sort of explanation for what Jared did, because apparently they've forgotten that he's still alive and someone could, you know, ask him. In particular, a huge deal has been made over the fact that he listed "The Communist Manifesto" and "Mein Kampf" as favorite books. Somehow, everybody seems to gloss over the fact that a 22 year old man that still lists "Peter Pan" as a favorite book might have a screw or two loose.

But hey, let's just pretend for a moment that everyone really does everything they claim to do on the internet and that Jared didn't just list a bunch of books that would make him appear thoughtful and deep. Let's get to the videos.

And boy, are these a doozy.

Altogether, you've got a little less than half an hour of mediocre trip-hop and really, really bad attempts at causality with underlying theme of lucid dreaming, gold standard rhetoric, and some sort of gibberish about the constitutionality of the little community college he was attending. Every dickhead that's taken Philosophy 101 and smoked a little pot has filled up a notebook with crap like this that they tossed out somewhere around third year with more than a little embarassment.


A new symbol, eh? Just what I always wanted! Um, thanks?

Digging around a bit more, people have found a video of him burning a flag while pretending to be missing an arm and ranting about invisible birds, and Tucson police just released yet another video of him wandering around his campus muttering about genocide and torture and a teacher that made him homeless by giving him a "B for Freedom Of Speech". And still, people attempt to pinpoint his motives on the political map while ignoring all the signposts that point straight to Crazyville.


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